learning to recognize abuse

It would be vital that this world focus on teaching more psychology such as how to recognize abuse. Not just physical and sexual, but cognitive, emotional, ritual, verbal, and spiritual.

Why Abusers Abuse

The factors underlying abusive behavior are complex. If the abuser wants to change their behavior, they will have to work hard, and over a long period of time. If the intention is there, if their heart is strong and their will follows, In the end they will be able to overcome their oppressive tendency. An abuser can change but the change will start with taking responsibility for their behavior. Following are some important pieces to help you understand abuse.

• Abuse is a choice. Abusers know what they are doing and what they want from their victim. If no one speaks out against them, they will continue.
• Abuse is about control. Abusers often feel little control over other aspects of their lives, so they attempt to control their partner in order to cover up this insecurity.
• Abuse may follow a pattern. Abusers may once have been a victim. Violence may seem like a normal way to express anger and frustration. However this is no excuse for abusive behavior, even if an Abuser tries to rationalize their actions by citing their past. There are many ways an Abuser will try to justify their actions.

Why Victims Stay

As an outside observer, it may be difficult to understand why people stay in abusive relationships. You may think, "If someone did that to me, I'd leave in a second." But being subjected to abuse takes a toll on a persons spirit, on their perspective of life, and on their ability to see clearly what is going on. Abuse affects their body, their mind, and their soul, even if the abuse is not physical.

Among the reasons why victims stay are:

• Fate: They consider it their destiny, something that is written and cannot be changed. Something they are strong enough, and meant to handle.
• Protecting your Image: The victim may believe that remaining silent about the abuse keeps others from thinking badly about himself.
• Protecting the Image of the Family or Community: The victims may worry that speaking up about the abuse, or leaving the abuser, may harm the reputation of the family or community.
• Divorce: divorce may not be considered acceptable in the victim's culture or family. A woman is permitted to initiate divorce.
• Custody: They may be scared of losing the custody of their children.
• Fear of physical harm: The victim may be frightened that if they tell, or try to leave they will be physically hurt, or even lose their life.
• Immigration status: They may be afraid of losing immigration status or be afraid of deportation.
• Financial dependency: The victims may not have any source of income and they may depend fully or partially on the abuser.
• Age: The victim may feel too old to make a new start.
• Love: The victim may have truly deep feelings for the abusive partner, regardless of the abuse, and be unwilling to leave.
• Promises, promises: Abusers may promise that the behavior will never happen again.
• It's what they know: The lines between love and being controlled may become blurred if they've grown up in this environment. They may not recognize that while abuse may be a normal part of his/her relationship, it is not normal for a healthy relationship.
• Guilt: Abuse often includes a pattern of blaming the victim and making them feel as though it is their fault.
• "No one would believe me": The victim may feel as though he/she lacks support if they tell the truth. He/she may also fear being alone and losing family and friends.
• "I can change him/her": The victim may believe the abuser can change over time.
• Low self-esteem: After being verbally/emotionally abused, a victim may feel that he/she can do no better than the current relationship, or that no one else will want them. The victim may feel they deserve the abuse.

Why the Family Keeps Silent

The interdependence of members of a family is profound. Changing the cycle of abuse means a disruption of a pattern of behavior the family is accustomed to, and carries some real costs. It takes courage to make the change. Once you understand some of the factors that contribute to the family keeping silent about abuse, you will be stronger as an empathic ally and more able to make your contribution to an entire familys well being.

• Misunderstanding of Family Law The victim's family may misunderstand the rights and responsibilities of various family members under American law.
• Family pride The family may worry about harming their reputation. One woman's divorce may harm the marriage prospects of her younger sisters.
• Divorce is Unacceptable Negative stigma attached to divorce plays a huge role in downplaying domestic violence.
• Financial challenge The family's financial situation often determines their reaction to domestic violence. They may keep quiet to avoid the cost of taking care of a victim and her children.
• Love The family may have truly deep feelings for the abuser, regardless of the abuse, and is unwilling to confront them.
• Promises, promises Abusers may promise that the behavior will never happen again.
• It's what they know They may believe abuse is normal; that it happens in every family.
• They don't know what to do The family may not know what they should do to help the victim.
• Fear Immigrants may be scared of the American social services system and fear severe consequences for their loved ones.
• False Hopes The family may believe that the abuser can change over time, or that the victim is strong enough to figure it out on her own.

Why the Community Ignores It

Community attitudes toward domestic violence are entrenched, long-standing, and not easy to change. We have seen change in the dominant society over the last thirty years with regard to domestic violence but even with government support and all kinds of attention from the non-profit sector, there is a long ways to go. The Community is beginning to change, but it is useful to recognize some of the barriers to this change. Here are just a few of the reasons the Community ignores domestic violence.

Ignorance: The community believes domestic violence is rare, because they never hear it spoken about. As a result, the community may minimize the seriousness of domestic violence.

Community's pride: Communities generally want to avoid any association with violence. By disclosing violence they feel like they are perpetuating the notion that communities are violent.

Its None of Their Business: They don't want to intrude in people's privacy, and believe it is impolite to speak up about something the family wants to hide.

Locked and graved.