FREE VILLA

This is your chance to win a free villa!

Just say something funny below, and I will choose the post that makes me laugh the most!

The winner is SAMYGG!
There were some pretty good ones, so I gave each of the ones I thought kinda good $1.

Better not be Pancho - he'll be past ripe by now.

when i die, I want my tombstone to offer free wifi, just so people will visit more often.

Motorcycles are like butt plugs. It doesn't matter what you think you can handle; start small and work your way up.

The amount of times I've gotten divorced by you is OVER 9000!

that was bad let me try again

What did Sushi A say to Sushi B?



WasaBI

HILARIOUS!

How does a racist joke start?

With a small loan of a million dollars.

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. ''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."

Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change health care forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog is malnourished. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

Hillary Clinton is an honest person.

Seahawks should've ran the ball.

No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother.

As you slide down the banister of life,
May the splinters never point the wrong way!!

RealXT

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

I bet you Leslie made the walls out of paper mache

win

Sometimes I feel useless but then I remember I breathe carbon-dioxide for plants.

Winner chosen, thread closed.