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drunk comedy stories. that or i dont know...

Started by Frintino [2079855] on in Art & Literature.

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Frintino [2079855]

In Waist over


I have many memories as a child. most bad but you don't want my sob story. ugh, I despise those people that 'Project' their emotions onto each other. it was only the other day I was sitting down eating lunch after a tough day of concrete mixing, and a co-working came and he sat across from me, and he starts munching his sandwich so ****ing loud!!! WITH HIS MOUTH WIDE OPEN!! I'm sitting there waiting to regurgitate my own lunch. so I ask him "did you work hard today?", he replied, and without swallowing his food "haha, YEA! I was waist deep in quick-dry cement". I honestly didn't really care, I had more problems right now than his alibi for munching, so I said to this neanderthal "YEA ME TOO!! I'm hungry as **** not to mention you're sitting there eating like a ****ing horse while I try and not throw up!! DO YOU HAVE ANY CONSIDERATION FOR YOUR WIFE AT THE DINNER TABLE?". (I know I should have been polite, but it was getting to me) he looked up at me with big puppy eyes and said: "my wife died 7 years ago". that's an awfully long time, shouldn't the grown man be over it? seriously!! anyway, I told him this "I'm, not your therapist, I'm your co-worker, please stop eating like an ape". 



 



but I didn't get fired that day..  so I did it again...



 



 


Frintino [2079855]

beach day and not d-day


 

I clearly have a problem with food, or at least the people using the food. similarly, I have no problems with guns, just the people with the guns. this is not the case with meth and beaches. meth is something different from beaches though. oh gosh, don't get me started on meth. but beaches, on the other hand, are like little sisters, they piss you off until you cry (which reflect their feminist attitude). you know how the sand feels like a thousand little ants with sandpaper boots. yeah, that hurts, just as much as sisters... and meth... I arrive at the beach telling myself I will not swim. but 5 minutes says otherwise, yet I spent 10 minutes in the water. 

I get and I'm dripping wet (no shit its an ocean) so I start to go back to the car because, well I got no towel. I'm walking on the sand dripping wet and the sand starts sticking to my feet. gosh, I hate that, so I start trying to brush it all off, now I've got it on my hand, wipe it on my legs and it gets even worse. this is like tape, sticks to everything. so I go back in for a second to wash sand off, only to repeat the same thing. try that again but this time I'm running like I'm about to be shot, but I trip. back to the water... try something else, try carrying water in your shirt, but it drips out. running with water in my shirt but clearly, I didn't learn from last time. yes, I tripped, water all over me with yak sand. eventually, I give up...

 

sit there crying because I can't go home thinking their gonna leave me there, ****ing nightmare. but that wasn't the death of me... no, no. meth is more dangerous haha am I right?  *crickets* oh, oh. stand outside a ranch just standing their... because that's what retired people do... 
Frintino [2079855]

No regerts. Wait; forget about it.


there was a very pretty girl in my class at college, I don't know what, but I guess she somehow knew I liked her. maybe because I kept glancing at her in class. hehe, one day she dropped or pencil (not the wrong kind, nooo) so as a gentleman; I picked it up for her. it was more of a first reaction but who cares. anyway, I handed her the pen, I was gonna ask her something but my mind went blank. jaw wide open like that worker eating his launch. oh gosh, I looked like a right ****ing twat. I looked at her for, well what seemed like hours, so bored... she took a deep breath. " your eyes are amazing, their color and the iris just fascinate me!" she said. I stood their, stiff scared I was, don't know why. I looked at her with a very straight face for like half a second. "PISS OFF! THEIR BROWN!! DONT ****ING LIE TO MY FACE".

 

she blinked in contentment before turning around and walking away... 

NEEERRRDD!