October 12 to October 25, he was my staff in Torn, he and I were boss to employee, and before I really didn't care about him. I almost always missed him. He also had a lot of shortcomings to me in his job before, I never complained. Part of me wants to but surprisingly I really never complained. I let him go, and I was alright with him being almost unavailable and not doing his job routine.
October 27, I left this game. I brought my defeated self from all the people who were out against me and decided to run a discord server instead. I was happy, peaceful, I had no other things I worried about. I was happily doing my thing with my friends in Discord.
November 9 to November 20, I invited this staff guy in my server and he was amazed at it because he said not only was I very ambitious, and successful, I have a spring of many talents, and abilities.
He liked all the work I did in my server. He was intrigued. Then slowly he fell in love with me. I always ended up ignoring him. At this point I wasn't I promised not to love again because of the horrible past I've had with my previous relationships.
But he was so sure to win my heart at all costs. He made me look straight to him, focus my attention to him. He kept me intrigued. There was never a single day that he missed telling me how he felt. I was so conserved at this point not to get my heartbroken. I even told my location was different. This is how far I am in avoiding love because I wasn't planning on taking the plunge. I was scared and conflicted. But he would assure me, he was the one for me.
Said that he was Never gonna go. He will stay with me until the end.
November 21, I took the plunge. I bit his attempts. I was drawn to him slowly and slowly starting this day. He had a way with love letters. When I almost left Discord, because of severe depression from my server, he stopped me, this was the icing on the cake. He made me see that he really CARED. This was the sign that I am on the right path with him, and that he really wants me to know that I matter to him.
Slowly after this day, we became really close, even as to call each other in Skype. I was scared to give my heart again, but I unwittingly allowed myself to give it to him. He was open to me, the discussion was enjoyable. I even told him my real location, which was the beginning of me opening up to him.
November 24, We started to be more open and honest about each other all personal details disclosed. Especially the truth between us, we accepted each other, he even told me at one point that he was bisexual, A thing that not a lot of guys would say. It was affirmation. He made me see that he accepts me, he wants me and he is here to stay. I finally surrendered at this point. I thought of all the challenges and trials I gave him he succeeded in winning my heart. When I almost always ignored him at 4 messages a day, to me actually giving a care about his lífe.
And knowing me, I am a closed off and private person. I don't really care about people. But he brought me to care. He brought me to care and he brought me back to love. I took this huge risk, I started to love again.
November 25 to November 30, We just started enjoying each other's company. We talked for hours on call and such. Opened more about ourselves. I knew a lot about him and I accepted it all. I accepted his past, all his struggles, his flaws and all of him. I accepted. I accepted all of him. I almost lost him when his friend's wife gave him an inkling of doubt about me, but no I fought for him. I made him see that my feelings were true, feelings he earned from me, feelings he acquired after a lot of days. Thank heaven, I got him back. At the end of the day. We were back, I told myself no way will I ever lose this guy. He and I was a match made in heaven.
We ultimately referred to each other as soul mates.
We were planning to meet.
December 1, He was getting ready for his trip, to his family. Of course I felt sad because he was leaving for a week and he said he might not call or talk because it was family gathering. I immediately thought I just had him and he will be gone but I gave him space. I let him be without normal communication from me for a while. I was glad because I could still call him at the end of the day.
December 2 to December 9, I just focused on doing my server and a lot of stuff to temporarily distract myself from him. To think of other diversions.
There was even a fight in his server at one point with him and an old friend, and I thought this man was almost harassing his friends now too at the point that he really is also pleading. I jumped in, I didn't know if I did the right thing or not, but I jumped in finally this was the point of me actually caring about someone again.
I would never do this kind of thing before but I loved him that much I was willing to defend him at my front.
Good thing it ended out in good terms. He finally regained his old friend and I was just happy because he wouldnt have to hear his madness again.
I was glad I could help. After this we became more close. And closer. I called or we called each other at some points in this week. At least I get to talk to him, I was already content. I was already satisfied. He would tell me what happened in his vacation and stuff and we would still find enjoyment from each other. I was really falling in love. I was really falling and mostly when we both imagined how our future, would be.
December 10-15, When he came back to me, I was happy because we could return to our normal routine. But his problem back in his state, drove him to the wall and I just wvshed I was there to help him. I wíshed I was there to take him from that hell. He had to leave his friends house because of his toxic wife, which had been his problem for all tíme, and suffer in cold weather in his car for a few days. And he wanted me to enjoy my day, after he gave me a treat money. I couldn't enjoy my day a lot but I did because he said it would make him happy, and I only wanted him to be happy.
I waited for these days when he was in cold weather outside of the house, my phone at my side always, I wanted to check up on him each tíme, and each moment. I wanted to but I gave him space because he said he needed it. I patiently waited for him. I started patiently waiting for him at this point.
He finally found a new place to stay after two almost three days. I was happy and he was happy. I was happy because he was finally out of misery. Out of the toxicity his friends wife had brought him. I was happy too about that, and even though our plans changed because he wanted to come to me this year and that's why he sleeps in couch in with his friend. To save up fast to get money to come to me.
I didn't mind any change, I accepted it because its also what he deserves. He doesn't deserve his friends wife treatment towards him.
For a while he was happy and he was more relaxed. But after this relaxation was the beginning of us drifting apart. And I should have taken the hints. I was just too in love not to see them anymore.
December 16-18, our normal routines, call and talk, but he was more frequently busy than ever. Before he would adjust his own tíme to match my own. Now I find myself to be the one adjusting. He also started to become more unavailable, said he is just busy with work. I tolerated all of it out of love. I tolerated it all. We still called but every after 2-3 days. He was even gone for a week at one point. All I ever did was to be concerned feel concerned because it is unlike him. There are so many thoughts spiralling in my mind. But I didn't mind them all, it didn't matter to me, all that mattered was I loved him and I was willing to wait.
I waited, waited, waited gave him all his space. The only one ever tíme I contacted his friend was the first he was gone for almost two days. Mostly after he said he was sick. He was sick and f**king sick I f**king love him and I was worried about him. He told me not to do it again, what did I do wrong? I obeyed. I told him, alright I am sorry. But deep down I was hurt. And I had no idea it was only the beginning.
December 19 to December 25, He was always gone unavailable but I distracted myself and kept working on my server and other stuff that I had planned and that he liked. I had so much more motivation in doing them because of him. Because of him and him caring about it for me.
He greeted me once in December 25. I missed him a lot I watched movies without him, when we would always watch movies together. It was what he loved, and I loved it too.
But he disappeared after 25 again,
December 26, He came back. We had a recap of everything, and he still assured me nothing has changed. He was still in love with me. All of the words he said were still valid.
I f**king loved him back. I have never felt so attached to someone and I did because slowly upon realizing I thought he was the ideal man I always imagined. He ran a business, and he was responsible, ambitious and driven.
I loved him too hard. I wísh I didn't but I did. You can't just remove love that quickly. We didn't sleep in call again, said he was busy with a work call at 5 am. 5 am, at work. I loved him I didn't see straight I was blind. I was blinded by my love for him that certain hints didn't really hit me effectively.
Then until he disappeared again slowly, and slowly.
December 31, He came back. Then greeted me New Year because it was New Years here in my country. At his country's New Year he was nowhere to be found.
I was even sick this day, and I almost died. I fought for him. I just love him too much and I was looking forward to our meet up, I can't just die yet.
He reconnected with me showed me he cared when I was sick, and back to our normal routine. At this point when he was gone, I was completely relieved. My sickness was slowly fading away from his presence. I was very happy that he came back, I didn't know what else I could ask for. I just needed his presence.
He said some stuff that I assured him I could wait, and he still said I love you to me. That's all I really needed to hear.
January 1, was this day.
Then eventually he disappeared, was blocked in all of his accounts I was still sick at this point and I don't know what else to do I panicked what is happening. I immediately took all of his contacts he gave me his email and all when I was about to leave Discord. I used every card I can get to reconnect back to him I wanted answers, I wanted some light.
It doesn't make sense that someone who loves you just blocks you out of the blue.
I was hurt, petrified I don't know what other feelings I was feeling but it was a lot to feel. I at one point started of thinking to end myself what is happening and why is this happening.
January 2, I finally got him back in Torn, but he told me he already broken up, and it was too soon for me, it was all too soon. Right after I desperately loved him. That I could no longer live without him. I was stunned, and he was about to block me again, I didn't hate him I didn't think it was heartless, I still loved him at this point I was going to do all it takes for a last connection.
Even if I was already an ex. I told him please and said to keep me at least as a platonic game acquaintance and that we could still chat and talk and all. He hesitantly agreed. I was glad he agreed because I know I already brought him to misery at this point, at one point I felt selfish, because I was not letting him make his decision. I was selfish because I still wanted to have and to love him.
I spammed him yes, in his contacts that he gave me. In those emails.
But what else do I do, I was in love so hard at a man who just disappeared out of the blue.
Five days in, something happens, and he accused me of something I have no clue at all. He told me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I was just clueless because I already accepted the game only connection even if it still hurts.
Even when it still hurts.
It hurts a lot. But I was willing to get hurt just to have him. I kept holding on. I was bleeding inside.
I have done a lot of things in this game that I swore I would never ever do just because I love him. I overstepped so many lines and did all of that because I love him. I love him. I love him and I love him. I risked my reputation, I humiliated myself at the point of risking all even my hard work I poured so much of my tíme, blood sweat and tiears in for a month. This is how I love, and I am willing to sacrifice it all. Sacrifice it all for him, but he was already far gone.
Part of me wants to undo all of this, to have just let him go at the point of block. But I truly loved him. He was my final frontier. I told him that a lot. I did and I still do. I can't even eat straight, think straight I don't know what to do. He left me buried in the crypt. All I ever did was to love him.
Where did I go wrong? I was clingy when I only cared. I wasn't clingy at all because I mirrored all his responses. I was being careful with our relationship. But no the damage has been done and its clear. I just wíshed I never loved again. Love hurts. Love hurt me before and it did not. I want to remove my heart. I can't.
October 27, I left this game. I brought my defeated self from all the people who were out against me and decided to run a discord server instead. I was happy, peaceful, I had no other things I worried about. I was happily doing my thing with my friends in Discord.
November 9 to November 20, I invited this staff guy in my server and he was amazed at it because he said not only was I very ambitious, and successful, I have a spring of many talents, and abilities.
He liked all the work I did in my server. He was intrigued. Then slowly he fell in love with me. I always ended up ignoring him. At this point I wasn't I promised not to love again because of the horrible past I've had with my previous relationships.
But he was so sure to win my heart at all costs. He made me look straight to him, focus my attention to him. He kept me intrigued. There was never a single day that he missed telling me how he felt. I was so conserved at this point not to get my heartbroken. I even told my location was different. This is how far I am in avoiding love because I wasn't planning on taking the plunge. I was scared and conflicted. But he would assure me, he was the one for me.
Said that he was Never gonna go. He will stay with me until the end.
November 21, I took the plunge. I bit his attempts. I was drawn to him slowly and slowly starting this day. He had a way with love letters. When I almost left Discord, because of severe depression from my server, he stopped me, this was the icing on the cake. He made me see that he really CARED. This was the sign that I am on the right path with him, and that he really wants me to know that I matter to him.
Slowly after this day, we became really close, even as to call each other in Skype. I was scared to give my heart again, but I unwittingly allowed myself to give it to him. He was open to me, the discussion was enjoyable. I even told him my real location, which was the beginning of me opening up to him.
November 24, We started to be more open and honest about each other all personal details disclosed. Especially the truth between us, we accepted each other, he even told me at one point that he was bisexual, A thing that not a lot of guys would say. It was affirmation. He made me see that he accepts me, he wants me and he is here to stay. I finally surrendered at this point. I thought of all the challenges and trials I gave him he succeeded in winning my heart. When I almost always ignored him at 4 messages a day, to me actually giving a care about his lífe.
And knowing me, I am a closed off and private person. I don't really care about people. But he brought me to care. He brought me to care and he brought me back to love. I took this huge risk, I started to love again.
November 25 to November 30, We just started enjoying each other's company. We talked for hours on call and such. Opened more about ourselves. I knew a lot about him and I accepted it all. I accepted his past, all his struggles, his flaws and all of him. I accepted. I accepted all of him. I almost lost him when his friend's wife gave him an inkling of doubt about me, but no I fought for him. I made him see that my feelings were true, feelings he earned from me, feelings he acquired after a lot of days. Thank heaven, I got him back. At the end of the day. We were back, I told myself no way will I ever lose this guy. He and I was a match made in heaven.
We ultimately referred to each other as soul mates.
We were planning to meet.
December 1, He was getting ready for his trip, to his family. Of course I felt sad because he was leaving for a week and he said he might not call or talk because it was family gathering. I immediately thought I just had him and he will be gone but I gave him space. I let him be without normal communication from me for a while. I was glad because I could still call him at the end of the day.
December 2 to December 9, I just focused on doing my server and a lot of stuff to temporarily distract myself from him. To think of other diversions.
There was even a fight in his server at one point with him and an old friend, and I thought this man was almost harassing his friends now too at the point that he really is also pleading. I jumped in, I didn't know if I did the right thing or not, but I jumped in finally this was the point of me actually caring about someone again.
I would never do this kind of thing before but I loved him that much I was willing to defend him at my front.
Good thing it ended out in good terms. He finally regained his old friend and I was just happy because he wouldnt have to hear his madness again.
I was glad I could help. After this we became more close. And closer. I called or we called each other at some points in this week. At least I get to talk to him, I was already content. I was already satisfied. He would tell me what happened in his vacation and stuff and we would still find enjoyment from each other. I was really falling in love. I was really falling and mostly when we both imagined how our future, would be.
December 10-15, When he came back to me, I was happy because we could return to our normal routine. But his problem back in his state, drove him to the wall and I just wvshed I was there to help him. I wíshed I was there to take him from that hell. He had to leave his friends house because of his toxic wife, which had been his problem for all tíme, and suffer in cold weather in his car for a few days. And he wanted me to enjoy my day, after he gave me a treat money. I couldn't enjoy my day a lot but I did because he said it would make him happy, and I only wanted him to be happy.
I waited for these days when he was in cold weather outside of the house, my phone at my side always, I wanted to check up on him each tíme, and each moment. I wanted to but I gave him space because he said he needed it. I patiently waited for him. I started patiently waiting for him at this point.
He finally found a new place to stay after two almost three days. I was happy and he was happy. I was happy because he was finally out of misery. Out of the toxicity his friends wife had brought him. I was happy too about that, and even though our plans changed because he wanted to come to me this year and that's why he sleeps in couch in with his friend. To save up fast to get money to come to me.
I didn't mind any change, I accepted it because its also what he deserves. He doesn't deserve his friends wife treatment towards him.
For a while he was happy and he was more relaxed. But after this relaxation was the beginning of us drifting apart. And I should have taken the hints. I was just too in love not to see them anymore.
December 16-18, our normal routines, call and talk, but he was more frequently busy than ever. Before he would adjust his own tíme to match my own. Now I find myself to be the one adjusting. He also started to become more unavailable, said he is just busy with work. I tolerated all of it out of love. I tolerated it all. We still called but every after 2-3 days. He was even gone for a week at one point. All I ever did was to be concerned feel concerned because it is unlike him. There are so many thoughts spiralling in my mind. But I didn't mind them all, it didn't matter to me, all that mattered was I loved him and I was willing to wait.
I waited, waited, waited gave him all his space. The only one ever tíme I contacted his friend was the first he was gone for almost two days. Mostly after he said he was sick. He was sick and f**king sick I f**king love him and I was worried about him. He told me not to do it again, what did I do wrong? I obeyed. I told him, alright I am sorry. But deep down I was hurt. And I had no idea it was only the beginning.
December 19 to December 25, He was always gone unavailable but I distracted myself and kept working on my server and other stuff that I had planned and that he liked. I had so much more motivation in doing them because of him. Because of him and him caring about it for me.
He greeted me once in December 25. I missed him a lot I watched movies without him, when we would always watch movies together. It was what he loved, and I loved it too.
But he disappeared after 25 again,
December 26, He came back. We had a recap of everything, and he still assured me nothing has changed. He was still in love with me. All of the words he said were still valid.
I f**king loved him back. I have never felt so attached to someone and I did because slowly upon realizing I thought he was the ideal man I always imagined. He ran a business, and he was responsible, ambitious and driven.
I loved him too hard. I wísh I didn't but I did. You can't just remove love that quickly. We didn't sleep in call again, said he was busy with a work call at 5 am. 5 am, at work. I loved him I didn't see straight I was blind. I was blinded by my love for him that certain hints didn't really hit me effectively.
Then until he disappeared again slowly, and slowly.
December 31, He came back. Then greeted me New Year because it was New Years here in my country. At his country's New Year he was nowhere to be found.
I was even sick this day, and I almost died. I fought for him. I just love him too much and I was looking forward to our meet up, I can't just die yet.
He reconnected with me showed me he cared when I was sick, and back to our normal routine. At this point when he was gone, I was completely relieved. My sickness was slowly fading away from his presence. I was very happy that he came back, I didn't know what else I could ask for. I just needed his presence.
He said some stuff that I assured him I could wait, and he still said I love you to me. That's all I really needed to hear.
January 1, was this day.
Then eventually he disappeared, was blocked in all of his accounts I was still sick at this point and I don't know what else to do I panicked what is happening. I immediately took all of his contacts he gave me his email and all when I was about to leave Discord. I used every card I can get to reconnect back to him I wanted answers, I wanted some light.
It doesn't make sense that someone who loves you just blocks you out of the blue.
I was hurt, petrified I don't know what other feelings I was feeling but it was a lot to feel. I at one point started of thinking to end myself what is happening and why is this happening.
January 2, I finally got him back in Torn, but he told me he already broken up, and it was too soon for me, it was all too soon. Right after I desperately loved him. That I could no longer live without him. I was stunned, and he was about to block me again, I didn't hate him I didn't think it was heartless, I still loved him at this point I was going to do all it takes for a last connection.
Even if I was already an ex. I told him please and said to keep me at least as a platonic game acquaintance and that we could still chat and talk and all. He hesitantly agreed. I was glad he agreed because I know I already brought him to misery at this point, at one point I felt selfish, because I was not letting him make his decision. I was selfish because I still wanted to have and to love him.
I spammed him yes, in his contacts that he gave me. In those emails.
But what else do I do, I was in love so hard at a man who just disappeared out of the blue.
Five days in, something happens, and he accused me of something I have no clue at all. He told me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I was just clueless because I already accepted the game only connection even if it still hurts.
Even when it still hurts.
It hurts a lot. But I was willing to get hurt just to have him. I kept holding on. I was bleeding inside.
I have done a lot of things in this game that I swore I would never ever do just because I love him. I overstepped so many lines and did all of that because I love him. I love him. I love him and I love him. I risked my reputation, I humiliated myself at the point of risking all even my hard work I poured so much of my tíme, blood sweat and tiears in for a month. This is how I love, and I am willing to sacrifice it all. Sacrifice it all for him, but he was already far gone.
Part of me wants to undo all of this, to have just let him go at the point of block. But I truly loved him. He was my final frontier. I told him that a lot. I did and I still do. I can't even eat straight, think straight I don't know what to do. He left me buried in the crypt. All I ever did was to love him.
Where did I go wrong? I was clingy when I only cared. I wasn't clingy at all because I mirrored all his responses. I was being careful with our relationship. But no the damage has been done and its clear. I just wíshed I never loved again. Love hurts. Love hurt me before and it did not. I want to remove my heart. I can't.
![[image: c.tenor.com]](https://c.tenor.com/h6IN7RC1rfUAAAAC/dumb-ding.gif){kind=link}
![[image: itsthesway.com]](https://itsthesway.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/dumpster.gif){kind=link}