Flying First Class

Think of Fergie's song "Glamarous" while you read this: https://youtu.be/q0SyUgw98tE?t=31

When you choose a first class ticket you are showing that you are better than all the scum crammed into the toxic dump known as economy class - ew!

A first class ticket could be a step above the business class ticket with the following perks:

1. It allows access to the plane's wi-fi network so that you can be online while flying and have access to certain websites and online poker

2. Cuts down the travel time becuase you are first to board and first to disembark the plane with the priority boarding service

3. Replenshes energy thanks to the chef-prepared meals and reclining seats that make your trip almost as comfortable as a night at the Feathery Hotel

4. Tighter airport security around the terminal offer mug protection for a limited time after landing

5. Luggage limits are increased slightly for these elite ticket holders

6. Free drinks in-flight replenish nerve

7. Staff will turn a blind eye if you beat up one economy class passenger during your flight

8. You are free to take your drug of choice in the luxurious first class toilet during the flight without needing to secrete it in cavities like the peasants

We'll just go through these in order then.

1. No.
2. Sure, I suppose.
3. Probably not, since that seems like an easy target for abuse
4. All flights give you 15 seconds of attack protection, that's plenty.
5. Makes good sense.
6. See #3
7. Yeeeeeees
8. What would happen if you OD'd on xanax mid flight? Would you have to land immediately?

Well I guess if you OD the quality medical service of first class would take care of you and you’d land in the hospital once you get there. The treatment done on the plane accounts for hospital time.