Advice

Hi Everyone, 

 

I'm looking for some life advice, I figured why not ask the widest range of an audience I know of. 

 

I'm in my late 20's, I've landed a job that could lead me in a very healthy career. I work out constantly, I eat moderately healthy, and I'm in college studying Political Science and Law. I feel like everything is going great in my life except a few areas. 

 

1. My relationship is lovely, we've had our moments, struggles  hardships, but we've always pulled through. Without getting into too much detail (to keep some privacy for myself) my relationship has become emotionally draining and I often think about living alone. Additionally, I think about being single but not to sleep around (early 20's was full of that) to just figure things out in my life, gain that independence back I guess?  My partner and I have discussed living separately to strengthen our self's and independence, but remain together. I know that this is possible and probably uncommon. I guess I feel uncertain to let this relationship go for my own needs? 

 

2. I am terrible at keeping friends and actively putting myself in social situations unless it's work related. If I'm not needed, then I'm not going. I find myself at home often working on college work, playing Torn, or working out. 

 

This may seem odd to post in Torn as I am asking mobsters, drug addicts, billionaires, scammers, plushie runners, flower sniffers, and complete strangers in a text RPG game about this, but I enjoy the community Torn has developed. 

I'm going to have to make some assumptions here so forgive me if I'm off base. To me it sounds like you need to learn more about yourself. You've found yourself in a place you're content with, but not necessarily happy, and you're worried that change may make things worse (which in the short term it probably will).

 

If you keep your relationship in its current situation, down the line this will likely turn into resentment which isn't fair on either you or your partner. I'm assuming there are no kids involved at the moment. If this changes it will be even harder to do something about when things get tough. 

 

If you are both on board with living separately then I think it's worth a try. You may learn to love each other more, and discover a way to make things work better when living back together again. Or you may come to learn that you are better off apart. Either way, you should be able to figure a way to be happier in the long term, and your happiness should be your ultimate goal here. It might sound selfish, but looking after 'your own needs' is ultimately good for you both. A relationship is only healthy when both partners are happy.

 

As for your second point I think you need to say 'yes' more. When invited out, go along even if at the time you feel like you don't want to. Worst case you can leave. By socialising more you will learn more about other people and also yourself. You may find new interests that you would otherwise not realise. You might make new friendships and find somebody you can go to when you're feeling down. 

 

A healthy social life may also help you with your relationship. It sounds like you spend a lot of time either alone or with your partner. There's not a lot of room for growth there. Finding new people, hobbies, interests etc. could put the spark back into your relationship, or at least give you new things to talk about and do together. 

 

Whatever you do, remember that if things do fall apart, it isn't the end of the world, even if it may feel like that at the time. You are still young. You will be able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off given enough time. This will be much easier to do with a strong support network, so next time you are included in something socially, say yes!