TORN flight messages comp

HELLO TORN DENIZENS!

You've ALL seen them. The darkly witty TORN messages plastered on your flight page as the clouds pass by. A recent one said:

Nobody is quite sure how most unconscious people make it to the Torn City Hospital for treatment. Some are delivered by friends, others by considerate attackers, but with fewer than twelve ambulances on call at once it remains a mystery as to who delivers the rest. Some have speculated a shadowy figure known as Friendly Derek is responsible, although what he gets out of it is anyone's guess.

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We can't help but laugh at some of them - definitely not all of them - and whoever it was that wrote them has some sense of humor. But...

COCONUT BRAS ARE NOT THAT FUNNY

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ENTER THE TORN FLIGHT MESSAGES COMP

We think there are members of the community who can do MUCH better. In fact, we have a couple to share from citizens (who remain anonymous) before we talk about the competition.

The world’s longest wine route goes through South Africa. They have nothing on Torn City, though, where the winos are plentiful and the whine route is nearly continuous when players realize that Duke's missions last infinitely.

[image: tenor.com]

A historical conflict between various Indigenous nations, known as the Beaver Wars, played out in Canada. In TORN CITY, no one is indigenous, but the wars for beavers continues to land many in the hospital for days due to contagious, raging STDs that cannot be cured with antibiotics.

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ARE YOU MORE DANKLY CAPABLE OF CREATING MORE EXCITING, RELATABLE FLIGHT MESSAGES?

We know so, so we opened this thread for a bit of a competition.

The rules are simple:

1. The messages must include a fact about a location in TORN you can fly to (example: China)
2. The messages cannot contain any terms or topics that are banned by TORN or curse words. Think of the kids, people! (see TORN rules)
3. The messages should address an issue in TORN that also relates to the location fact. (example: addiction rate in Switzerland and TORN)
4. You cannot BUMP your own entry or encourage others to do so.

That's pretty simple, right?!

WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU?

Great question! Easy answer. On September 1, 2025 this for-fun comp will end and the winner will be announced and will be given a nice bonus of TORN dollars. Runners up will be given TORN items they can do whatever they want with.

The announcement will be final and there had better not be any complaining. This is for fun! Pure fun.

This isn't anything officially run by the evil brain of TORN so don't ask them questions. They are all busy fighting amongst themselves, including CHEDDAR.

SHOW US YOUR DARK HUMOR & GOOD LUCK.

😅

In Canada's Northwest Territories, license plates are shaped like Polar Bears. Drive one of those cars around in Torn and you'll get your teeth kicked in.

Shooting Ranges are available to those who own a ranch, castle or private island. Even though a palace is quite expensive you still can't install one there, because a palace is too fancy for such shenanigans.

The average income for a Cayman Island resident is $47,415 Cayman Island Dollars. Torn's average income is unknown, as most people keep their money in an old mattress.

The African Safari is Torn’s number one destination for citizens hunting to complete their collection of the Big Five: Malaria, Dysentery, Civil Unrest, Expired Visas, and their Ex-Spouse. This remarkable success rate owes less to luck and more to the average Torn citizens' unique ability to disregard survival instincts and unnecessarily extreme pettiness.

Editing

It's been said that ten million dollars for a large suitcase is a price gouging tourist tax. But considering the property damage the average Torn citizen inflicts when visiting foreign countries, the cost pales in comparison to the debt owed to Hawaii and its citizens. 

*edited for spelling mistake 

Load image: grin Mexico is one of the largest exporters of silver. Around here, silver’s mainly found in chains—wrapped around wrists, ankles, and the broken dreams of low-stat players grinding out gym gains. It is home to over 60 indigenous languages still spoken today, making it one of the most linguistically diverse countries in the world. Meanwhile, all communication here consists of one phrase: “Out of stock,” repeated every five minutes by a man selling plastic skulls and shame.

Load image: angel The Cayman Islands have no direct taxation and are considered one of the world's most notorious offshore banking havens They are famous for high profile financial secrecy. Local vendors offer plush turtles and tropical flowers, but it’s the quiet way money disappears here that truly makes it feel like home.

Load image: love_chemistryCanada has the world’s longest coastline, stretching over 202,080 km—due in part to its thousands of islands and its shoreline along the Atlantic, Pacific, and Arctic Oceans. It is famous for its politeness and maple syrup. We sell that same syrup at 200% markup to tourists before mugging them and apologizing with a smile.

Load image: pirate Hawaii is the only U.S. state made up entirely of islands and is home to active volcanoes. It was one of the first U.S. states to require registration of all laundromats to combat money laundering in the 1980s. Which is ironic, considering how many players now arrive here to clean out their bank accounts... one overpriced suitcase at a time. Don't forget to get your duffel bags to cram in all the goodies or regrets that you pick up abroad.

Load image: mugger_maskedLondon’s Underground is the world’s oldest metro system, opening in 1863. Flights here restock Nessie and Red Fox plushies plus Heather flowers with clockwork reliability. You’ll find pure opium sold openly next to historical artifacts. Probably not authentic but the high is. Royal, in a way.

Load image: kissingBuenos Aires gave the world tango, world-class beef, and the Obelisco monument. It’s also the go-to for Monkey plushies and tear gas canisters because sometimes a cuddle isn’t enough. They sell LSD here like it’s a dance partner cheap, fast, and liable to ruin your sense of direction.

Load image: coolZurich sits on Lake Zurich and hosts one of Europe’s largest financial centers. It’s the only destination offering rehab services and Edelweiss flowers sterile serenity sold by the hour. Its great for clearing addiction timers, or just waiting out your shame in sterile fashion.

Load image: wink Tokyo has the busiest pedestrian crossing in the world and vending machines for almost anything. They have a special rack full of Japanese weapons. This might explain why the local shopkeepers stock smoke grenades and Vicodin without blinking like just another Tuesday for anyone popping pills before breakfast. Don't forget to grab your latest edition of occasional limited-run bootleg manga with hidden capsules.

Load image: blushing Beijing is home to the Forbidden City, the Great Wall, and 3,000 years of dynastic history. It boasts the Forbidden City and the eastern terminus of the Great Wall. Flights here often unload panda plushies and sometimes body armor or Berettas for the well-timed heist. This hasn’t stopped a fortune teller behind the Beijing market from offering cryptic predictions like, “You will overdose… but profitably.”

Load image: laughingVisit luxury malls in Dubai. Our artificial islands, and indoor skiing in the desert is what you will never forget. Locals here deal in booze like it's liquid gold. Nothing says “high society” like smuggling vodka from a golden bar. Don't forget to collect our Camel plushies with luxury fluff for the high-stakes trader.

Load image: evil Johannesburg was born of a 19th-century gold rush and still sits atop massive ore reserves. Local markets peddle steroid packs, Xanax runs and the occasional combat gear drop for adrenaline junkies. It is also the home to the animals and some of the most famous hunting reserves in the world.

Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined, because Canada is greedy and won't share.

The most famous Mexican F1 driver is Sergio "Checco" Perez who has won 6 races. Compared to URT champion Lindy_Lyson that is rubbish, but Checco isn't allowed to use a Minigun and a Smoke Grenade like Lindy does. 

Switzerland's version of Santa Claus comes accompanied by a black-faced sidekick who beats naughty children with a stick. And you thought old Disney cartoons were racist!

The London Eye is one of the world's tallest ferris wheels and takes 30 minutes to complete one turn. Torn contains the world's biggest water park...if you count riding through the sewers on a wakeboard as a leisure activity.

Argentina is well known for it's world class beef industry. In fact, just the roast beef served there daily is worth the trip. An average of 52,671 pounds of roast beef is consumed each day in the markets. In TORN, about 10 times that amount of roast beef is served up nightly in the back alleys, but you're guaranteed to leave hungry.