I think that a makeshift poopknife (such as an old machete or something) would be better than the commercial one, but whatever, as long as we get a poopknife.
EDIT: downvoters will be stabbed with the POOPKNIFE once it becomes reality
Here's a sneak peak at some revolutionary updates coming soon to Torn (just in time for Christmas Town!!!!). As you may know, selected individuals from SHAT were picked for an early access / alpha test of the long-planned TORN 3-D update. We've decided to release some previews to WHET your APPETITE for this incredible new step in the ongoing evolution and continuous improvement of TORN CITY.
If you've been frustrated with accessing Christmas Town through the legacy system (slow, frustrating, postage stamp-sized interface reminiscent of a Tiger Handheld or something) then you're gonna LOVE this. First -- get a load of this, the NEW Torn City:
Incredible, huh? For a short time the "old" boring 2-D city will still be available through this portal. All locations will be getting an update in TORN 3-D, both in terms of visual style and features -- for instance, check out the new BANK:
Check out the vault -- it's our understanding this will be part of a new and interactive bank robbery crime:
Like all other parts of Torn, the jail will be getting a facelift as well, along with a new busting mechanic which will consist of minigames (sort of like the puzzles in Castle of Dr Brain, if anyone remembers that). This new jail sure looks serious, huh?
But hey, like I said earlier, we're told this is gonna be rolled out for Christmas Town 2025 -- FEAST YOUR EYES ON THIS:
There will also be some completely new areas added to the new city map -- can't go into too many details at this point, but here's a teaser:
It's great to see this kind of content being rolled out -- stuff literally EVERYONE in TORN CITY has been screaming for since I dunno how long. Of course there will be some naysayers who will ask things like "Why roll this out in conjunction with a large event like Christmas Town?" but to those people I just say that here at SHAT we have seen firsthand the startling quality of the new interactive TORN 3-D update and you can expect the same attention to detail that went into other successes like Chat 3.0, Stocks, and Crimes 2.0 to go into this complete re-engineering of TORN CITY. The only thing that could possibly be a bump in the road here is if there is unprecedented activity during the production rollout, but at SHAT we're confident that all possible contingencies have already been planned for.
I hope we have a vibrant discussion about this exciting new direction for TORN CITY here in this thread -- feel free to also reach out to SHAT Early Access Test Manager Whom with any feedback on this impending rollout.
for only $37m i can share an advance reading copy of the ebook "Everything you ever wanted to know about Hi Vis Vest but were too fucking stupid to find out on your own" published in accordance with KOrnado Academy and JK Rowling
if you really want to give away stuff, for only $450m i can share a patent-pending 40-part eCourse and eBook series "how to not has ur stuff" published and produced in conjunction with KOrnado Academy and CREEP
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