So quite a few people have asked about a guide to flying, and there are a few out there, but I thought I’d summarise some of the things I have learnt as a new player for the benefit of others.
How to learn to fly:
Step 1: Check you have wings, if no wings drink a Red Bull. If you cannot afford a Red Bull stick a heifer in the library and when it’s well read eat it.
Step 2: Run into the wind and flap your wings (if using arms flap twice as fast).
If Step 2 doesn’t work you can try either eating beans for a take-off boost, or jumping from a building. If you use a building you are guaranteed to reach your destination*.
*Providing your destination is the ground.
How to land:
Step 1: Aim at ground.
Step 2: Make contact with ground.
Step 3: Get up and walk away like you meant to do that. If you are too injured, start break dancing to distract onlookers from your horrific injuries.
Why fly?
Lots of new players ask this, and the simple reason is that most small planes have three wheels, but a car has four. So you can save on a wheel. Obviously a tricycle can achieve the same thing but it is not as good on stairs. The most efficient method of transport is unicycle or wheelbarrow as they have the lowest number of wheels.
Where should I fly to?
If you have followed this guide this far you will have realised that directional control is not a luxury we can all afford, however some modicum of control can be established by holding a hairdryer and pointing it in the opposite direction to the one you want to go in*.
*Warning: Do not fly with wet hair if using this method, the temptation to dry your hair will inevitably lead to a certain amount of face pointing and it will melt your fillings as well as propel you into the past via the airbrake effect.
People say flying is key to making money is this true?
Absolutely. If you find a public place you can raise enough in dares to almost cover the hospital bills.
There once was a vampire called Mabel, Whose periods were incredibly stable. By the light of the moon, With the aid of a spoon, She drank herself under the table.
So quite a few people have asked about a guide to flying, and there are a few out there, but I thought I’d summarise some of the things I have learnt as a new player for the benefit of others.
How to learn to fly:
Step 1: Check you have wings, if no wings drink a Red Bull. If you cannot afford a Red Bull stick a heifer in the library and when it’s well read eat it.
Step 2: Run into the wind and flap your wings (if using arms flap twice as fast).
If Step 2 doesn’t work you can try either eating beans for a take-off boost, or jumping from a building. If you use a building you are guaranteed to reach your destination*.
*Providing your destination is the ground.
How to land:
Step 1: Aim at ground.
Step 2: Make contact with ground.
Step 3: Get up and walk away like you meant to do that. If you are too injured, start break dancing to distract onlookers from your horrific injuries.
Why fly?
Lots of new players ask this, and the simple reason is that most small planes have three wheels, but a car has four. So you can save on a wheel. Obviously a tricycle can achieve the same thing but it is not as good on stairs. The most efficient method of transport is unicycle or wheelbarrow as they have the lowest number of wheels.
Where should I fly to?
If you have followed this guide this far you will have realised that directional control is not a luxury we can all afford, however some modicum of control can be established by holding a hairdryer and pointing it in the opposite direction to the one you want to go in*.
*Warning: Do not fly with wet hair if using this method, the temptation to dry your hair will inevitably lead to a certain amount of face pointing and it will melt your fillings as well as propel you into the past via the airbrake effect.
People say flying is key to making money is this true?
Absolutely. If you find a public place you can raise enough in dares to almost cover the hospital bills.