Ive been playing Torn for 5 years now, never have i once subs for the benefits other than buying DP from the money i earned. I started from just selling candies from crimes i succeeded to what i am now and idc about NW i enjoy playing cause of the markets, community and the guild wars. Most of the time i spent flying to buy plushies and bring back to torn, you can already see the absurd amount of time i fly and i do this because im quite busy irl.
I guess youre just that competitive and get easily demotivated when someone is better than you and thats fine, you just need that dedication to get good.