zx1020: forum

I try to share my daily duke task
I saw this channel called missions, so I penetrated and released it

Tree Huggers Very hard
Most people think I'm just the kindly neighborhood money-bags, but there's a lot people don't know about me. I've also got my thumb in the pie of the consulting business, I got contracts all through city government, so if someone needs a permit or a good appraisal, I can "consult" it into happening.

Pal of mine wants to build a new mega-plaza in west Torn. One of those gigantic ones for dumbass teens to hang out in and waste their parents' money. All my pal needs is a permit to clear the site, but some dirty hippies are sat around playing banjos and protesting because of some rare tree weasel or something. Get down there and see if they love the earth so much when you're smashing their faces into it. I want every last tree hugger gone, don't care how you do it, frighten them off with a bar of soap or whatever, just make sure they go protest somewhere else so my pal can start building his mall.

• Defeat Luciferda
• Defeat qasimodo
• Defeat al_da_pimp
• Defeat Mystral
• Defeat jake12345
• Defeat magnus42
• Defeat real-steel
• Defeat SobekSC20K

COMPLETE CONTRACT

Events : You are now known in the city as a Loser. 07:13:41 16/01/23
whats this

Training DayExpert
I'm going to let you in on a secret: the biggest part of your job ain't whacking people off. It's looking like you could whack people off. Most of my clients never get a visit from my heavies, because they know I've got people like you to send over if they get out of line. See, most people think a dog's bark is worse than its bite, but those folks have never been bitten by one of my mutts.

And here's the problem: you and the other guys don't look like a pack of wild dogs. You look like a bunch of cute puppies ready for tummy rubs. That ain't intimidating nobody. So we're going to toughen you up. Turn that flabby butt into a body so cut your lover's gonna have to wear safety gloves.

I want you to get yourself to a gym, work some workout, sweat some sweat. Train until your knees are a little shaky. And don't come back until you make The Rock look like a goddamn pebble.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:
ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT

• 68 Mission credits

GraffitiVery hard
Have you seen that graffiti outside? Some punk with a spray can has been putting up cartoons of me all over town. I think it's supposed to be me--it's a guy with money bags, but the clown has no talent so the guy in the cartoon is real ugly. But he puts my name right under the cartoon, so it's sort of hard to ignore.

I'm getting some people to rub the graffiti out wherever they can find it, but people are still laughing at me in the street. I want you to go mess this artist up. He uses spray paint, so he'll appreciate it if you use some pepper spray in your attack. I think they call that an "artistic fromage". Anyhow, shake him up so this wannabe Leonardo Di Caprio takes his art somewhere else.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $36,000
• 15 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT

GraffitiVery hard
Now that was a real work of art my friend. I'll let you know if he needs a second dose, or maybe next time we'll cut off his ear like that Vincent Van Morrison.

• Hit Datto510 with pepper spray

• $36,000 received
• 15 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Hands OffExpert
Apparently our town has some gropers, some peeping Johns, folks who can't keep their hands off other folks. My sister won't even go to parties no more. She says she would have to wear a pie plate in the back of her pants to feel secure. And it's not even just guys any more! What's going on with this world? I blame the interweb.

I've had someone trailing my sister at the last couple of parties she went to, and I've got a list here of clowns who need a few lessons in manners.. They like touching? I want you to touch them up real good. Be like a velvet fist in an iron glove or however that goes. Basically I want you to bruise em up so they remember not to put their hands in other people's nookie jars never again.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:
ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT

• $168,000
• 91 Mission credits

Hands OffExpert
My sister said those guys came and apologized to her, and they were crying too so I guess you knocked them up real good! Nice work. Only downside is my sis has started wearing miniskirts again. No dude wants to see his sister's cakehole on display. I'm gonna buy her some nice smart pants.

• Defeat Pickled_Liver
• Defeat DraganNn
• Defeat nglekhoi
• Defeat fuNNz

• $168,000 received
• 91 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

296

MassacristExpert
I must be getting old and soft. I let a huge tab build up because me and this guy, we go way back. I blame myself. But now he owes me $500,000, so really I blame him. So now what?? I'll tell you. You go to his house and kill his wife and three children. Get one of those crazy sharp knives, sneak into the house at night, and go throat to throat, quiet as you can..

Hey, calm down. Calm down. You don't have to kill no kids. Not even the wife this time.. I was making a joke, it's called dramatic emphysema or something. Now look, you spilled your coffee flinging your arms around, who's gonna pay for my carpet to be cleaned? You are one excitable kid--I'm glad you didn't go into the heart surgery game, sheesh.

I tell you what: just go find this guy when his family aren't around. Maybe when his kids are at soccer practice and his wife's boning the milkman, I don't care. Just lay a hit on him, and give him some pain. Or is that too nasty for my precious little princess?
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $48,000
• 27 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT


MassacristExpert
Nicely done. I hear the kids think he walked into a phone pole. The wife probably thinks he got caught by some girl's husband, but that's his problem. Now go take some deep breaths. I'll let you know when I need you to whack off someone else.

• Defeat y-So-S3RI0US

• $48,000 received
• 27 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

I even want to ask you to give me a set of PI as a gift

Red FacedExpert
I always thought when people were red faced it meant they were American Indian or something. I wasn't being racialist I just thought that's what it was. People always said they were red faced when they were sad because they'd peed their pants or fell over, so it didn't make sense, because all the Indian guys I know are real tough and would kick your ass if you laughed at that.

But then I found out it meant you were embarrassed, because your face goes actually red. Not from punching or nothing, just from feeling like a big dummy! So it got me thinking about this one jerk who embarrassed me in high school. TheSloppySakMan is his name. Always pickin on me and giving me wedgies and stuff. He used to call me Fish because my neck was so fat it looked like I had gills, you know those fish breathing parts? My neck ain't fat no more, but I still get sad thinking about it.

Go and pick on him for a change and leave TheSloppySakMan red faced by beating his ass, but use a wet fish to finish the job. That way his face will be red in more ways than one. You know, cause of all the blood?
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:
$120,000
55 Mission credits
ACCEPT CONTRACT

DECLINE CONTRACT


Red FacedExpert
Did he cry like an idiot when you hit him with that fish? Haha I hope so. Hey you know what, what you did there is pretty e-fish-ent isn't it. That's pretty good for me! I'm gonna write that down. I always write down all the smart things I say in a book in my desk. I had it for like 20 years. I've filled like half of one whole page. You got a pen? Actually never mind. Your hands smell like fish. Go take a shower.
Defeat TheSloppySakMan using a trout on the finishing hit
$120,000 received
55 Mission credits received
Agent standing increased

Rabbit ResponseVery hard
The muggers around here are getting a little too cocky for me. You push one away from this street corner, and another one pops up a block away. The cops are no help at all--I think they're happy when I have headaches like this.

So I want you to be the aspirin for my headache. This problem needs a rabbit response--what? Rapid, rabbit, I dunno--whatever, I want you to just move fast. Rabbitly. Got it? Good.

There's three muggers I want you to go down on, and I want you to do it quick. Take em out fast like bang-bang-bang: all inside of 15 minutes. They won't never know what hit them. So come on bunny rabbit, hop to it.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:
$64,000
43 Mission credits
ACCEPT CONTRACT

DECLINE CONTRACT

Rabbit ResponseVery hard
Well, there you go: rabbit response. Just like I said. Those muggers will remember who went down tonight and never turn up looking for an easy slide on my pitch again!

• Within a 15 minute window, defeat ajaaxx, djjoka133840 and Kyuninho

• $64,000 received
• 43 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

ReconstructionExpert
Hey you been watchin that show about OJ Simpson? Pretty good right? But it's got me thinkin. First of all, did you know people call him Juice cause OJ is what we call orange juice? I only just got that! It's like one of them things you get in movies that you don't get the first time but then 20 years later you get it. What are they called? Eastern eggs that's it.

But yeah, the whole OJ thing made me wonder if that stuff is even possible, like, can you really get away with it if you're wearing gloves? Is that cause you don't get no fingerprince on the murder weapon or is it some kind of technicality? I dunno and it's bugging me like crazy, so I want you to find out. Get yourself some leather gloves like what Juice wears, defeat RIDESNOWBOARDER with a kitchen knife, then dump both of those things and see if you get caught. This is gonna be fun!
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:
$72,000
41 Mission credits
ACCEPT CONTRACT

DECLINE CONTRACT

ReconstructionExpert
Wow it turns out you can get away with it just by wearin' gloves. That's really neat. I wonder what else I can learn from TV? You ever watched that guy Dexter? He just wraps everythin in slippery plastic when he kills people, and then I think he banged his sister. I ain't gonna make you do that though, what you and your sister get up to is your business.

• Equip a Kitchen Knife
• Equip some Leather Gloves
• Defeat RIDESNOWBOARDER with both items equipped
• Trash both items in the dump

• $72,000 received
• 41 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Marriage CounselingVery hard
Ajnin is giving me pain where a guy my age should not be getting pain. She owes me a hundred big and thinks it's no big deal. I go to talk to her about it, real nice because that's who I am, and she laughs in my face! I had some guys put hits on her, but even when they put her in the hospital, she don't learn nothing. She just lies there eating grapes and demanding sponge baths.

I don't want much from life ya know? Money, respect, and a third thing I can't remember right now. But this penny-punching piece of work is stopping me getting both those things, so I want you to change her tune to a...a...a really sad tune. How? We go after the third thing everyone wants what I just remembered...sex. Don't worry, you ain't gotta seduce her, but you are gonna put a hit on her other half, her significant other, her piece of ass. Whatever you wanna call it.

And the spring in the tail? You're gonna make out that she ordered the hit all along. Pretty sneaky right? He ain't gonna have time to bother me when she's got marriage counselling to go to. And since her other half agreed to marry this bozo for better or worse, I say he's fair game.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $28,000
• 23 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT


Marriage CounselingVery hard
Lookie here: it's the marriage counsellor. You did good, and Ajnin sent me the money she owed, along with a big bottle of booze. I don't even want to think what's going on between her and the spouse, but I'll drink to it.

• Defeat Ajnin's spouse

• $28,000 received
• 23 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

I really love this interface???

Rising CostsVery hard
It ain't just scumbags who come to me for cash you know, few months back I met this legitimate business person like what I am. He got a loan from me to help pay for the condos he was building. Bank wouldn't lend him the money, so Uncle Duke stepped up off the plate to help. He showed me some cool drawings, these models he made out of cereal boxes--it looked pretty sweet. "This investment is as safe as houses" he said. I figured cos they are pretty much houses that it made sense, so I loaned him the money. Six months later, I ask him, "Where's my payment" and he starts moaning. Troubles with city hall. Troubles with the sewage hookup. Labor troubles. So the thing isn't finished yet.

"I know people," I say. "I could fix those problems for you." No, no, he says, there's a bigger problem: "It's bricks Duke, they erm, cost more than what they used to". Bricks? Is that some kind of joke? Is he pulling my arm or what? Do me a favor: help this jerkoff out with his brick problem by hurling one at his face will ya?
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $48,000
• 31 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT

Rising CostsVery hard
You think he got the message? I think so. When people start throwing bricks at your head, you got to start thinking, "What did I do wrong" Am I right? Now let's see if he pays me. If not we might need to borrow a cement mixer and make this tumbleweed a pair of cement overshoes. Then he'll not be able to run so fast. Anyway, thanks for your help.

• Hit Fade2 with a brick.

• $48,000 received
• 31 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Loud and ClearVery hard
You see that guy go into the store next door? Nope, thought not, and that's how I like it. The old geezer who runs it don't know squat about business so his place is quiet as hell. There's no customers to go squealin' just because they think they heard somethin they ain't should'a never heard, no suspicious jerks poking around my business, and the old guy is as deaf as a dog anyway so he don't care nothin.

Problem is, now he's thinking of sellin up to this orange faced lunatic who wants to run a tanning salon slash bakery slash smoothie bar. I tell you what, I'll slash that a-hole if he ever sets foot in that place for sure. But he won't, cause you're gonna scare em off with a bunch of explosions aren't ya? Over the next few days I want you to go crazy with grenades and make them think Torn is the new Tehran, which is the capital of Irania...I think. Hey you reckon that's what they named Tehranosaurus Rex after?

• Use 9 explosive grenades (0 / 9)

Loud and ClearVery hard
What!? Sorry I can't hear you so good you gotta shout! Those booms and bangs did a number on my ears and now I can only hear bells! Was that the phone!?!? What!? Anyway, the old guy ain't sellin' to nobody now! That's good because I've been stealing electricity from that stupid old ass for years! What?!? Wait! Did you say I probably shouldn't have shouted that!?! Because you're probably right! What!?! Ah forget it.

What!?!

• Use 9 explosive grenades (9 / 9)

• $80,000 received
• 55 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Proof of the PuddingExpert
You know what I do when someone don't pay their bills? First I break their legs, then I break their stuff. Sometimes I take a dump on their living room carpet. Marking my territory like them dogs in them nature shows on TV.

But then I had brainwaves. Instead of breakin people's stuff I could just take it as payment, pretty smart right? But most of the clowns I lend to only got one thing...guns. And now I've got a whole bunch of em lying around I gotta sell. Yesterday I tried to sell ryanblair this Skorpion, but he don't want it. Says it ain't powerful enough. So I got a plan.

I want you to shoot ryanblair with a Skorpion so he knows how powerful it is. Then send him the gun, and I'll get the cash off him when I see him next. You gotta buy your own Skorpion though. That way if he don't pay up you've lost out, not me. Heh heh, I am such a shrew businessman.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $72,000
• 42 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT

Proof of the PuddingExpert
ryanblair didn't like being all shot up like that but they did get convinced by how good the Skorpion is. Here's your cut. This could be a pretty sweet business plan right here. Like a try before you buy kinda thing. Hell, you get those broads in the store offering you a cocktail weenie on a stick so you'll buy a whole jar of em, why is this any different?

• Acquire a Skorpion
• Use the Skorpion to achieve a damaging hit on ryanblair
• Send the Skorpion to ryanblair

• $72,000 received
• 42 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Sleep AidVery hard
I am not sleeping well. I toss and turn, and then I get up and throw things at the wall. This is bad because I keep a couple of hand grenades by the bed, just in case, and if I pick one of them up in the dark...

Are you not even going to ask how come I ain't sleeping well? You don't even care? Well you should, because you're fixing it. And I don't mean reading me a bedtime story. orbit has got up my nose with his attitude. He is moving in on my territory in sneaky little ways. Sometimes I can't even tell exactly what he did, but by the end of the day I've got less than what I had at breakfast, and he's got more.

I don't want any more crappy breakfasts, it's the best meal of the day! And I need my booty sleep. Whatever it takes to get him gone, get it done. Put the clampers on the wheels of his operation and then I'll sleep like a baby.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:
$24,000
19 Mission credits
ACCEPT CONTRACT

DECLINE CONTRACT

Sleep AidVery hard
It's like you scratched an itch for me, in a place I don't like to scratch all that much. So thanks! Now when I sleep I don't punch holes in the wall, which is good because my neighbors don't like it. You've done good--now excuse me while I go take a nap.
Defeat orbit
$24,000 received
19 Mission credits received
Agent standing increased

The Executive GameExpert
So every Tuesday the big players in Torn come to my joint for a little high-stakes poker. We got booze, fine cigars, expensive hookers; it's a classy night. My old friend, MissAimee, talked me into letting her join the game last week and convinced me to short her $50k. The turkey went and lost it all after like five hands, and THEN it turns out she's got nothing to pay me back with.

It's not much money, and she's a good friend. But how's it look if I go easy on her? I'd have people walking all over me! So here's what you're going to do. You're gonna convince her to offer me shares in her business to pay off the debt. Maybe a 20% cut? It don't matter exactly. It's the principal of the thing!

But you ain't gonna persuade her with no business props position or pie charms or nothing, no, you're gonna use something way more convincing. Your fists. No guns. No knives. Just fists. Maybe your feet too, unless you got those fancy shoes with knives in. I need to get me a pair of those actually.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:
$96,000
50 Mission credits
ACCEPT CONTRACT

DECLINE CONTRACT

The Executive GameExpert
You're pretty handy with your hands my man! That's a rare skill these days, what with all the fancy weapons lying around. But what am I supposed to do with a 20% share in a business I don't understand? If you ever find out what the "Colonic Wellness and Spirituality Corporation" does, let me know yeah?

• Defeat MissAimee using only fists or kick.

• $96,000 received
• 50 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Peak ExperienceVery hard
I hate it when people tell me I ain't never gonna achieve nothing. When I was a kid I said I thought I could do anything I want, and you know what my teacher said? She said "The sky's the limit". Oh yeah? Well what about astronauts? Stupid idiot. I think that everyone in life should aim high. Reach for the stars. Don't give in. That's what I want for you zx1020. You should aim high. And if you fall...then who cares, it's only broken bones!

This clown Victoria is one of Torn's toughest knucklebreads. She's been around a long time, we go way back, but when I saw her in the street yesterday she don't even say hello back to me. Duke don't take that! It will take a while to grind her life down, but you are just the stubborn mule to do it. Once she's down, you can leave her, mug her, or just stick a feather up her butt. I really don't care.

• Defeat Victoria despite her high level.

Peak ExperienceVery hard
I'll tell you the truth: I didn't think you'd be able to stick it up that girl, she's a tough pair of boots! I'm very impressed. There ain't many folk harder than Victoria, but you finished her off faster than anyone else could. You got talent kid.

• Defeat Victoria despite her high level.

• $36,000 received
• 23 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Army of OneExpert
When people owe me money they usually get all hepped up and like "Oh sorry sir I'll pay you next week I promise, I needed the money for my kid's blood thing but next week it's yours please don't hurt me". But as soon as I get my weapon out it's funny how their kid's blood thing goes away ain't it. By weapon I mean a gun or a baseball bat of course, not my Johnson. Although that could work too I guess.

But one jerk who ain't so easily scared is 2shot. This scumbag ain't paid me for weeks, and reckons that I ain't got the muscle to put the hurts on him. I mean, it's kinda true, there's like you and this other guy Jerry workin' for me right now, and he's 5ft tall. He's good for shakin' down kids but nothin' else.

So we're gonna scare 2shot by using what magicians call smoking mirrors. You're gonna beat the crap out of him 3 times, but each time you're gonna pretend to be a different person. First time you'll be regular old you, second time you're gonna wear this realistic looking Ginger Kid Mask and then third time you'll wear this Moustache Man Mask. I paid a lot of bones for these, they're off a genuine Hollywood movie which is why they look so damn real. But the end game is that by wearing these masks 2shot is gonna think I got a bigger crew than I actually got, and he pays me my god damn money!
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $160,000
• 87 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT

Army of OneExpert
2shot has paid up and now the word is on the street that I've got more than one badass up my sleeves. Nice job zx1020. Hey you know where I got the idea for this from? I saw this TV show about some kind of weasel or a lizard or something, and anyway when it's scared and about to fight another animal it makes feathers come out of its ass. For some reason this whole heap of feathers makes it look real angry and also like there's a bazillion more geezers waiting to brawl. Ain't animals smart as hell? Well, except that cat that lives out back. He keeps eating his own dirt. Stupid cat.

• Attack 2shot without a mask
• Put on the Ginger Kid Mask and attack 2shot
• Put on the Moustache Man Mask and attack 2shot

• $160,000 received
• 87 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Loyal CustomerExpert
I hate to do this to a loyal customer, but this freeloader is mistaking my kindness for weakness. I noticed he started missing payments on what he owes me. We were pretty good friends, and he really is a nice person. Salted the earth this guy. So here's the thing: you need to go and attack him, but just enough so we get his attention. No permanent marks: a gentle attack. Don't go all John-Called Van Damn like you usually do, okay?
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $48,000
• 20 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT

Loyal CustomerExpert
That's your idea of gentle? Remind me never to have you take care of my baby! Not that I got one...at least I hope not! Anyway my loyal customer has paid me back so in the books all is well, but I think our friendship is over. Now get outta here, I think I got something in my eye.

• Defeat -MK-dpinsideu9

• $48,000 received
• 20 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased

Hare, Meet TortoiseExpert
You can't turn a corner these days without bumping into a juicer. If it's not a clown who wants to be the Hulk, it's someone like -Chinchilla-, who wants to be Speedy Gonzalo. He is running and biking all day long--he's so fast his own shadow can't keep up. He's like the Torn equivalent of that Jamaican guy, what's he called...Insane Bolt.

And guess what. Now someone's using -Chinchilla- to rob my clients and high tail it outta there. You gotta stop him, but you're slower than a remedial fifth grader who eats crayons all day, so corner him and beat his ass before he gets a chance to run. You'll have to be on the ball, though: if you give him half a chance, he'll hit you three times in the drop of a cat.
The following will be credited upon successful completion of the contract:

• $64,000
• 29 Mission credits

ACCEPT CONTRACT DECLINE CONTRACT


Hare, Meet TortoiseExpert
You took some shots, I think, but you stuck with it. Nice work. I take that back about you being slow, you were faster than a cat out of hell. Why do all these sayings about fastness talk about cats? I run over plenty of cats in my car all the time, they ain't so quick.

• Defeat -Chinchilla- despite his lightning fast speed.

• $64,000 received
• 29 Mission credits received
• Agent standing increased