dojacow: forum

Boooo *throws tomato*

I hate Easter in Torn City. You may be asking yourself, why? Well I'll tell you why.

I hate torn and heasleys4hemp for making me scroll past these pages that I don't want to visit over and over again. 

For instance, my bank account. I don't want to be reminded of how broke I am and how far away the prospect of me getting my money is. Similarly, how many times do I need to cry about being 74 days away from my firewalk virus being ready. Wait now 73 days. Pain. 

I avoid the recycling center for a reason. Now I have to see Gay's stupid face everyday. 

Also Chedburn never has anything good in his bazaar yet the Hamster refuses to give me a chance at his goodies. 

What's more, I can't afford anything good at the auction house or token shop. I'm saving my money to stack supplies for Halloween yet I must be continually tempted with color coded weapons and shiny honors. Don't get me started on the casino pages. Isn't this temptation what Jesus was fighting against? From burning churches to this, blasphemy has a home in torn city I see. 

Speaking of the church, every time I visit I feel like I'm being badgered to divorce my in-game husband. Not today Satan! Check back in 1,015 days. 

And why must I be reminded that I don't have access to the museum or Al’s bunker again and again? I'm a noob and will be for years, I get it. 

Anyway, I can't be the only one who feels this way? Right? Right?!

Lmao did this have the intended effect? We had our sister faction hosp offline members at the start of war and you start crying to me about cheating?

If you wanted terms, you should've come to me in advance. 

OK so boom, here I am thinking I'm starting a regular non-termed war. Would take a little time, and as usual I'd be wrangling my noobs like a mother cow does to her little chicklets. Boy was I wrong.

I start off asking the faction family to hosp the inactives at war start as I normally would. Then I get these messages:

At this point, I didn't realize he was referring to having written an actual forum post. I thought he was just spreading the word amongst his 11 treatied factions of noob farms. I mean, no one would make such an unforced error in front of the entire Torn community, right? Right??

Well, here we are. Tarred and feathered by forum posters, Teutatez doubled and tripled down. But he also started to do something else, even though he said win or lose he would never cheat. Well "cheat" he did, and lose he did. 

He got HIS aligned factions to start hosping his members when inactive.

But that wasn't enough "cheating" for him. He then hired acclaimed merc GhostDemon at 4mil a pop (estimated because Ghost refused to tell me the actual numbers, very professional) to hosp his members for 9 hours at a time during off hours.

(Ghostdemon and I are friends now btw)

But the "cheating" doesn't stop there. He then shells out even more cash to have the merc's faction raid his own faction in an attempt to get around the 1-min buffer from mercs hits during war

23:56:07 - 23/06/26 Vice has initiated a raid on International Crusaders

Well of course, I asked our sister factions Banty Shack and Cobra Command to do the same. I already mentioned in a previous post that I'm very petty and if they go low, I'll go straight to hades. 

Turns out however, that this tactic doesn't event work and the 1-min rule still works regardless. 

Now, the International Crusaders did absolutely give us a run for our money and put up an incredible fight. Plus there was a comedy of errors happening on my side:

• I OD'd twice, both at critical moments. (Honestly, wars should't even go long enough for someone to OD twice smh).
• My co-leader also OD'd at the worst time.
• And we missed numerous chain bonuses including a 100. 

All this against a backdrop of noobs who absolutely refuse to stay in hospital.

Now, TKR is our training ground to build up players and hopefully move them up to our main factions. We often take in day 1 green leafs and it can be a constant fight to get war participation from people who have not yet learned that reading the newsletter is fundamental in a text-based game. 

As the war dragged on though, I got to know my opponents better. Our smack talk turned to more friendly banter and while I still hold a lot of animosity, I also began to develop some respect. What I learned was that Teutatez was leaving the game for a while for personal reasons, and for his last war, it seemed like his team members would give everything they had in the tank to send him off well.

However, this was also going to be my last war at TKR for a while, as I am heading to Banty Shack to do some training with their high respect perks, probably until the end of the year. So I also wanted to go out with a bang.

But in the end, 4 days and 21 hours later, The Kok Rocket pulled it out. Our final hit thanks to their co-lead going offline and leaving their revives on after my repeated hospitalizations to burn their med cooldown.

GG all, and thank you again to my team across factions who supported this crazy war with cans, FHCs, and sleepless nights.

Let me just say book GhostDemon for all your merc needs before the other team does!

I have personally had to go up against him, hosping all my opponents for 9 hours at a time; sniping targets just as we were approaching a chain bonus. Almost gave me a heart attacked and helped drag out a war for almost 5 days. 

He is the ultimate in professionalism, and would not share with me the cost/details of my opponent's merc contract. 

And the best part is he is a just a friendly, all around good guy.

(but deadly, don't FAFO. book him today!)

OK so boom, here I am thinking I'm starting a regular non-termed war. Would take a little time, and as usual I'd be wrangling my noobs like a mother cow does to her little chicklets. Boy was I wrong.

I start off asking the faction family to hosp the inactives at war start as I normally would. Then I get these messages:

At this point, I didn't realize he was referring to having written an actual forum post. I thought he was just spreading the word amongst his 11 treatied factions of noob farms. I mean, no one would make such an unforced error in front of the entire Torn community, right? Right??

Well, here we are. Tarred and feathered by forum posters, Teutatez doubled and tripled down. But he also started to do something else, even though he said win or lose he would never cheat. Well "cheat" he did, and lose he did. 

He got HIS aligned factions to start hosping his members when inactive.

But that wasn't enough "cheating" for him. He then hired acclaimed merc GhostDemon at 4mil a pop (estimated because Ghost refused to tell me the actual numbers, very professional) to hosp his members for 9 hours at a time during off hours.

(Ghostdemon and I are friends now btw)

But the "cheating" doesn't stop there. He then shells out even more cash to have the merc's faction raid his own faction in an attempt to get around the 1-min buffer from mercs hits during war

23:56:07 - 23/06/26 Vice has initiated a raid on International Crusaders

Well of course, I asked our sister factions Banty Shack and Cobra Command to do the same. I already mentioned in a previous post that I'm very petty and if they go low, I'll go straight to hades. 

Turns out however, that this tactic doesn't event work and the 1-min rule still works regardless. 

Now, the International Crusaders did absolutely give us a run for our money and put up an incredible fight. Plus there was a comedy of errors happening on my side:

• I OD'd twice, both at critical moments. (Honestly, wars should't even go long enough for someone to OD twice smh).
• My co-leader also OD'd at the worst time.
• And we missed numerous chain bonuses including a 100. 

All this against a backdrop of noobs who absolutely refuse to stay in hospital.

Now, TKR is our training ground to build up players and hopefully move them up to our main factions. We often take in day 1 green leafs and it can be a constant fight to get war participation from people who have not yet learned that reading the newsletter is fundamental in a text-based game. 

As the war dragged on though, I got to know my opponents better. Our smack talk turned to more friendly banter and while I still hold a lot of animosity, I also began to develop some respect. What I learned was that Teutatez was leaving the game for a while for personal reasons, and for his last war, it seemed like his team members would give everything they had in the tank to send him off well.

However, this was also going to be my last war at TKR for a while, as I am heading to Banty Shack to do some training with their high respect perks, probably until the end of the year. So I also wanted to go out with a bang.

But in the end, 4 days and 21 hours later, The Kok Rocket pulled it out. Our final hit thanks to their co-lead going offline and leaving their revives on after my repeated hospitalizations to burn their med cooldown.

GG all, and thank you again to my team across factions who supported this crazy war with cans, FHCs, and sleepless nights.

I have more to say but I'm too exhausted. In the future, ya'll just need to know that yes, I am that petty. BRB while i sleep 24 hours. 

---------

edit to say thank you too all my kok rocketeers! You guys came thru in the late nights, early moments and kept the faith. 

Thank you to the faction fam Banty Shack and Cobra Command. I don't take the raids personally I promise.

And to everyone who sent us a kind word of encouragement (or an FHC) thank you!! Everyone together made this win possible.

ok I'll flame and shame that other faction later.

13:00:03 - 21/06/26 You used 0 energy attacking Teutatez and defeated them (chain #1) [view]

0 ENERGY??!! But but but that's cheating!!! Wahhhhh

Thank you kind sir. Only the most sophisticated of humor at this faction. *tips hat *

It hasn't even been 24 hours

Right??

Lmao did this have the intended effect? We had our sister faction hosp offline members at the start of war and you start crying to me about cheating?

If you wanted terms, you should've come to me in advance. 

Boooo *throws tomato*

Are you planning to add Plucking the Lotus Petal to OC in crimeshub? Trying to figure role importance on that one. Thank you for all you do!

This is not the requested confession but in the spirit of Easter I forgive you. Go with god young man 

Thank you my brother in cheese

Let heasley confess his sins of forcing us all to the recycling center and he might be forgiven 

And I meant it x(

I hate Easter in Torn City. You may be asking yourself, why? Well I'll tell you why.

I hate torn and heasleys4hemp for making me scroll past these pages that I don't want to visit over and over again. 

For instance, my bank account. I don't want to be reminded of how broke I am and how far away the prospect of me getting my money is. Similarly, how many times do I need to cry about being 74 days away from my firewalk virus being ready. Wait now 73 days. Pain. 

I avoid the recycling center for a reason. Now I have to see Gay's stupid face everyday. 

Also Chedburn never has anything good in his bazaar yet the Hamster refuses to give me a chance at his goodies. 

What's more, I can't afford anything good at the auction house or token shop. I'm saving my money to stack supplies for Halloween yet I must be continually tempted with color coded weapons and shiny honors. Don't get me started on the casino pages. Isn't this temptation what Jesus was fighting against? From burning churches to this, blasphemy has a home in torn city I see. 

Speaking of the church, every time I visit I feel like I'm being badgered to divorce my in-game husband. Not today Satan! Check back in 1,015 days. 

And why must I be reminded that I don't have access to the museum or Al’s bunker again and again? I'm a noob and will be for years, I get it. 

Anyway, I can't be the only one who feels this way? Right? Right?!

I literally searched for a desktop game and saw this recommended in a Reddit post. I have no one to blame but myself

A legend and a king. And a terrorist. May your lore live on in the  halls of history. 

Legendary king sending the Newman tablet BEFORE the bomb is nasty work smh

There was a happy st pattys day thread in gd. What's the diff? Eid Mubarak to those who celebrate ☪️