Hello everyone, welcome to my Happy Jump Insurance service! If you're a regular Happy Jumper, you'll know that overdosing on Ecstasy is a huge pain. Not only does it remove all your happy, it completely wipes out your stacked energy and it's also very, very expensive. On top of all of this it's entirely random - this means you can never know when it will happen (and it will happen).
I used to use Gat's service fairly often but found that the maths behind the payouts was quite confusing, at least for me. Because of this I wanted to provide a really simple service that is open to everyone regardless of faction or company perks.
Two plans. For everyone. Forever. That's pretty g**damn simple, right? If you've never Happy Jumped before, don't be scared! You can view a really detailed guide by clicking here or reading below.
Happy Jumping is the act of boosting your gains per train in the gym by using booster items to increase your Happiness bar over the normal maximum set by your property.
Well, Bxllis, how the f*** do I Happy Jump and how do I use this service? Keep on reading, you little eager beaver.
To start with, you need to get your energy to 1000. This is the maximum it can be and you can do this by taking 4 Xanax. At this point you don't need to send a fee to me at all - but you might overdose on the Xanax - so be warned!
If you've overdosed while stacking - that's a shame but s*** happens. Assuming you've successfully stacked to 1000 and your Drug Cooldown timer is at 0 - congratulations! Now the fun really does start.
Depending on your chosen plan, send your appropriate fee to me. To do this, you can head to your Items page, click the paper airplane icon and send the Xanax quantity of your choice.
Once the fee is sent you can start consuming Erotic DVDs (eDVDs). It's important to note that at this stage you really want to be careful of the time as Happiness in Torn resets every 15 minutes. The best time to start consuming eDVDs is XX:01, XX:16, XX:31 or XX:46 - but be quick!
You've now taken all the Erotic DVDs your weak little body can handle - now's the time to take that Ecstasy to double the happiness you currently have and here's where it all boils down to the Torn God's being on your side or not.
Hooray! You've taken your Ecstasy, your happiness has doubled and you've not overdosed. Get to the Gym, mash the Train button and I bid thee farewell. You are no longer covered by my Insurance terms and you can continue on your merry little way.
Uh oh! You've taken the Ecstasy and overdosed. You're in the hospital, your energy is all gone and your happiness is nowhere to be seen. Well, luckily for you, you sent me your fee so you're covered under my Insurance terms! Thank f***ing Duke! Here's how you can claim your completely free Happy Jump package.
Thankfully it's really g**damn easy to claim - I'm nice like that! You don't need to send me any copy and pasted text. You don't even have to send me any screenshots. All I need is for you to head to your Events page and send the Overdose event to me by clicking the send icon:
Once that log is sent to me I'll review the claim and you will receive your nice, shiny new Happy Jump package within 24 hours. It's really that f***ing simple - even Duke could do it!
Thanks for taking the time to understand my Happy Jump Insurance service and I look forward to protecting you from your next overdose.
I don't really drink (unless it's a Pornstar Martini) so today I am going to eat lots of food, spend time with my family and friends and maybe I'll even open a present or two!
05:14:58 - 01/12/24 You found a Six-Pack of Energy Drink and a book titled "Memories And Mammaries" on your doorstep.
09:07:55 - 01/12/24 You opened a Six-Pack of Energy Drink and gained 1x Can of Munster, 1x Can of Red Cow, 2x Can of Taurine Elite, 1x Can of Rockstar Rudolph, 1x Can of X-MASS
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