PauloHendo: forum

There once was a moron named Bumbi,
Whose schemes in Torn were all clumsy.
He made threads to impress,
In endless excess,

Til D3vl smacked him for being unfunny.

Closed

The only faction where you'll get to play alongside the legendary PauloHendo.  Join up while you can.

Attack me and lose the fight, will pay 330k for every event notification I receive stating I've won.  

Will make payment when you tell me you're finished, easiest to let me know by chat message, please don't send a mail.

Just start the attacks if this thread is open, I'll get the notifications.

PLEASE tell me when you're finished, it allows me to make payment quickly.

In Torn City, where the hustlers roam,
Ched closed the shop where plushies were pawned.
With points dropping fast,
We cling to our cash,
As the value falls and sinks like a stone.

GD often sees incredibly dumb shit.

This is amongst the dumbest shit I've ever seen.

LISTEN TO ME: standard fantasy football is DEAD. Finished! Toss your spreadsheets in the trash, because Survival Football has arrived to shatter your sanity and prove who actually has ice in their veins! The rules are so simple it’s sinister: pick ONE Premier League team each week to win, but you can only use each squad TWICE all season. You start with 25 precious lives. A win? You survive another day. A draw? A bloody 1-life tax on your soul. A loss? TWO LIVES SNATCHED AWAY. Lose them all and you are purged from existence. Nothing in human history matches the sheer, heart-stopping terror of standing on the precipice in Gameweek 28, sweating through your shirt, whispering to the gods: "Leeds away at Arsenal... DO I DARE?!"

This is glorious, high-stakes ANARCHY! It takes literally two minutes to throw your hat in the ring using a public API key (never stored, total peace of mind). Play completely FREE for pure glory, or risk it all in the Silver (23m per entry) and astronomical Gold (440m per entry) prize pools! Even if your main run gets utterly slaughtered, side games like Biggest Upset keep the loot flowing, while the Faction Leaderboard lets you and your ride-or-dies drag your faction’s flag to the top of the mountain. Get over to the site, lock in your picks before the one-hour deadline, jump into the Discord for absolute matchday bedlam, and ask yourself one question: ARE YOU A SURVIVOR, OR ARE YOU CASUALTY MATERIAL?!

I'm sorry you feel that way.  Let's keep things nice and breezy from now on - if you have any other comments, please just let me know and I'll try my best to fit your communication style.

Happy Birthday America!

I feel my intelligence stats dropping.

Wow, it's like Windows 95 again.  What progress.  

There are only 12 months in the year, silly.

"Hey everyone, I have over $200m worth of stuff in my bazaar and I don't know how to protect it."  

That's what this thread is.  

I would, but I don't care enough about the graphics of a text-based game to do it.

There'll be some c**ty things written in this thread, but that surely must be the c**tiest.  What a thing to write.

I suggest that next year, the plane on the travel screen changes to a Pride parade float with rainbows coming out the back.

Also, the Pride flag and rainbow effect should be every last Sunday of the month.  

Jeez, this is the noob drama to end all dramas.  

It has been escalating for months, up to the point of a $25k bounty?  

Fuck me, who knows where this will end?  By Christmas we could be up to TPing his house!

Well I didn't add you as an enemy, and looking at your profile you only have one.  I picked up two today, I wish they'd have the balls to make themselves known, same as the people who have sent me anonymous messages with a dollar.  It's all so fucking weak.  Glad we agree on that.

Last weekend of every month.  Saturday and Sunday.

I'm not LGBT or Q.  Just a reasonable human being who has a low tolerance for intolerance.  

As of 7 minutes ago, it's gone, all the 100% secure straight folk can continue as normal.

I look forward to it appearing next year, the reason it needs to it because of the wankers saying it doesn't. 

Yeah, you got it!  

That's very reductive of you.  Gay folk aren't gay because they like having something big shoved in them.  It's a preference fundamental to who they are.  So you know the way you mostly find yourself attracted to farm animals?  Well gay guys find themselves attracted to other guys.  And gay girls?  Why, yes, they find themselves mostly attracted to other girls!  

Now, I know, you're going to ask "bUt Y do thEY havE A spEshul daY wITh Gay FLAgs??"  Well, it's because they were, and continue to be, oppressed for so long, that now it's a celebration of who they are and two middle fingers up to the bigots.  If you feel that two middle fingers are being raised to you... well, it's because you're a bigot.

With that level of flounce, you MIGHT be gay yourself.