Condorrk: forum

I'm a CPTSD addled career fuckup with multiple TBIs and an IQ of 148. That last part usually sounds like a blessing to anyone who's never had to deal with a brain that won't stop and never understood the risks associated with intelligence quotients above 125. The worst part subjectively is being about 6 years sober - Ive been using different shit since my first psychotic break from trauma at 10, anyone in my position that says being clean is better is lying. Ecstacy helps heal trauma, drinking helps unwind unless you're drinking to unravel for a night which is necessary sometimes, the list doesn't end. I spent almost 2 years on fentanyl/carfentanyl which turned me immediately into the biggest bitch I've ever seen when withdrawals hit. If withdrawals are payment for the highs you felt, coming down from THAT shit is payment for selling your soul to the devil himself and time DOES NOT heal those wounds. But I put the work on anyway and kicked it, even though opiates and their analogues are the only thing I've taken to control my anxiety that works right, keeps me centered, and lets me work in high anxiety environments to survive by making money. Every environment is high anxiety at some point when you have CPTSD. When you're unable to remember what you did last year, or the last 10 minutes, because stress, anxiety, hypervigilance, traumatic brain injuries, and depression from PTSD will wipe your brain to the point you almost can't blend in like a normal person to hide yourself from sticking out because you forget important shit all the time. Your brain doesn't flag it as important because it doesn't seem like it's a threat to you, so you forget it entirely. Every time, even when it causes threats, you forget. 

None of this is my problem though, that's just a bit of my background and baseline. The problem is what caused this shithole problem of constant suffering in the first place, primarily two people, are my parents. My father is dead, so no problem there, but my mom is still alive and married to another asshole. And it's a problem because at 33 years old I've managed to end up back under her roof trying to fight to earn a way back out so I can get back to being functional. Instead I keep running into these motherfuckers dredging up any possible way they can find to beat me into the ground and completely debilitate me by pressing buttons and manipulating situations and words until my brain shuts down, memory, emotion, and all. My car got repo'd yesterday, but I was working the problem. I was stable. I wasn't particularly worried. 10 minutes of bitching and wordsmithing to manipulate the situation until it matched how they want to see it fixed that, and made sure my cortisol and adrenaline are high enough for the next week to knock a few months off my life expectancy, which is probably worsened by type 1 diabeetus. 

This is just the tip of my iceberg, I know a lot of people will read it and think I'm the problem creating problems and just being a pussy, not doing anything to help me, my wife, and my 3 kids advance anywhere. And that's probably accurate to a degree, I knew at 13 I was a problem and that'll never change. I'll die a problem and Ive made peace with that, at least I bettered myself into a decent human being who's not ruining every life I come into contact with. I'm better than mental and emotional manipulation to control people by making them feel helpless and worthless too, so I've got that even though constantly dealing with it. Hilariously I'd be just fine if not living here, more than capable of surviving on the street until I save up enough to rent a van or some retired military truck and open a business, but even if I didn't have a wife and kids, every schmuck refusing to listen to reason and begging for higher minimum wages ruined it for everyone. Actually, they decided it wasn't bad enough and are asking for 25-30 an hour now too, despite the clear problems it caused when it got raised last time and not having anything more than they did making 7.50. 

Anyway, I'll shut up now. Anyone else who can't help but get shit on and kicked by life, I feel you. And any normies out there who are mad reading this, until you're beaten unconscious, hard R'd, tortured, in combat or an active warzone, manipulated out of ever seeing any kind of self worth, watched friends or family die in front of you, or maybe people you don't know but gruesomely, forced to fight for your own life, or other traumatic shit, specifically for extended durations (not one time events, prolonged traumatic exposure over months or years) you'll never really get it, never truly understand what this hell is. If you're (un)lucky you might come close, but let's hope not. So stay strong assholes, no one cares and no one is coming to help but youve always had this. Surviving longer shouldn't be a stretch. And it'll never get better, but you have the small bits in-between the pressure to enjoy. Best of luck 🪖

I'm a CPTSD addled career fuckup with multiple TBIs and an IQ of 148. That last part usually sounds like a blessing to anyone who's never had to deal with a brain that won't stop and never understood the risks associated with intelligence quotients above 125. The worst part subjectively is being about 6 years sober - Ive been using different shit since my first psychotic break from trauma at 10, anyone in my position that says being clean is better is lying. Ecstacy helps heal trauma, drinking helps unwind unless you're drinking to unravel for a night which is necessary sometimes, the list doesn't end. I spent almost 2 years on fentanyl/carfentanyl which turned me immediately into the biggest bitch I've ever seen when withdrawals hit. If withdrawals are payment for the highs you felt, coming down from THAT shit is payment for selling your soul to the devil himself and time DOES NOT heal those wounds. But I put the work on anyway and kicked it, even though opiates and their analogues are the only thing I've taken to control my anxiety that works right, keeps me centered, and lets me work in high anxiety environments to survive by making money. Every environment is high anxiety at some point when you have CPTSD. When you're unable to remember what you did last year, or the last 10 minutes, because stress, anxiety, hypervigilance, traumatic brain injuries, and depression from PTSD will wipe your brain to the point you almost can't blend in like a normal person to hide yourself from sticking out because you forget important shit all the time. Your brain doesn't flag it as important because it doesn't seem like it's a threat to you, so you forget it entirely. Every time, even when it causes threats, you forget. 

None of this is my problem though, that's just a bit of my background and baseline. The problem is what caused this shithole problem of constant suffering in the first place, primarily two people, are my parents. My father is dead, so no problem there, but my mom is still alive and married to another asshole. And it's a problem because at 33 years old I've managed to end up back under her roof trying to fight to earn a way back out so I can get back to being functional. Instead I keep running into these motherfuckers dredging up any possible way they can find to beat me into the ground and completely debilitate me by pressing buttons and manipulating situations and words until my brain shuts down, memory, emotion, and all. My car got repo'd yesterday, but I was working the problem. I was stable. I wasn't particularly worried. 10 minutes of bitching and wordsmithing to manipulate the situation until it matched how they want to see it fixed that, and made sure my cortisol and adrenaline are high enough for the next week to knock a few months off my life expectancy, which is probably worsened by type 1 diabeetus. 

This is just the tip of my iceberg, I know a lot of people will read it and think I'm the problem creating problems and just being a pussy, not doing anything to help me, my wife, and my 3 kids advance anywhere. And that's probably accurate to a degree, I knew at 13 I was a problem and that'll never change. I'll die a problem and Ive made peace with that, at least I bettered myself into a decent human being who's not ruining every life I come into contact with. I'm better than mental and emotional manipulation to control people by making them feel helpless and worthless too, so I've got that even though constantly dealing with it. Hilariously I'd be just fine if not living here, more than capable of surviving on the street until I save up enough to rent a van or some retired military truck and open a business, but even if I didn't have a wife and kids, every schmuck refusing to listen to reason and begging for higher minimum wages ruined it for everyone. Actually, they decided it wasn't bad enough and are asking for 25-30 an hour now too, despite the clear problems it caused when it got raised last time and not having anything more than they did making 7.50. 

Anyway, I'll shut up now. Anyone else who can't help but get shit on and kicked by life, I feel you. And any normies out there who are mad reading this, until you're beaten unconscious, hard R'd, tortured, in combat or an active warzone, manipulated out of ever seeing any kind of self worth, watched friends or family die in front of you, or maybe people you don't know but gruesomely, forced to fight for your own life, or other traumatic shit, specifically for extended durations (not one time events, prolonged traumatic exposure over months or years) you'll never really get it, never truly understand what this hell is. If you're (un)lucky you might come close, but let's hope not. So stay strong assholes, no one cares and no one is coming to help but youve always had this. Surviving longer shouldn't be a stretch. And it'll never get better, but you have the small bits in-between the pressure to enjoy. Best of luck 🪖

That's okay, I still have no idea what anyone's talking about and how these would be used. But I'll keep it in mind, and remember to waste one for a merit when I figure out what it's best for, and can determine when to waste it effectively lmao

Ouch, man. Taking the story as it's been given from almost every side involved, that's some shit luck. So many people saying it's simple to check, or it's clearly intentional because how could you make such a massive blunder navigating such a simple interface, or those few who just jump in to stir the pot spouting whatever, they all want you to believe they'd never be able to commit a fault like that - meanwhile they can't be bothered to pay attention driving. I'm 99% positive someone writing out a comment on how dumb it is to have not properly checked finally finished typing and posted, then immediately slammed into a family of 4. 

Because they couldn't be bothered to pay attention. 

Long story short, nobody's perfect and most people wouldve done that probably their first week. The worst that came from this is a new profession of long game scammers who will try to work to a banking position just to rob their faction blind, and I hope they all look up to find the dump truck they're driving behind is no longer moving. Few people have honor or integrity, fewer still have both.

Also, maybe you could try to run a GoFundMe to recover what you liquidated, taking scraps and donations from the people who feel like helping out. I'm sure large enough scraps from wealthier players would add up in no time!

The most common functional bullying, absolutely top shelf. I actually didn't know about toilet paper or dog poo, that ones new to me as well as flight grounding. But improv and psychological operations, that's the meat and potatoes of the bully stew. You make them mad or curious, then you win their hearts and minds. Every friend you turn against them, even if it's because they keep getting harassed, pushes them further out and alienates them. Soon they'll be sitting alone on a private island begging people yachting by to stop and hang out. Then they'll probably marry a volleyball. 

Stretch them thin before you break them, the longer and more persistent you are the more you slowly whittle away at their psyche. You might even convince them to stop, but don't give in when they've given up. Give them a reason to press on before you destroy them and suck their soul out of their empty eyesockets, it makes the final victory almost pitiful for anyone with an empathetic bone in their body. It'll give every other joe a case scenario of what to expect if THEY decide to screw with you ;D