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𝓜𝓻. 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓴𝓴𝓾𝓶𝓼’
GO GETTUM’ SERVICES
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Luxury Logistics for the Discerning Private Island Owner
TL;DR: You have a PI collecting dust. I have low battle stats, a large suitcase, faction perks and a can-do attitude. Lease me your PI and, in exchange, I’ll make foreign runs for you and sell you the entire haul at foreign purchase cost. E.g A Tribulus Omanense run would make you over $1.5m at current market value
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Do you ever wish you could be in two places at once?
Do you have a beautiful Private Island languishing tragically on the lease market?
Would you enjoy receiving foreign goods without having to actually go anywhere?
Then search no more! Mr. Thikkums’ Go Gettum’ Services is at your service. For a limited time, (appx. 84 days as of posting) Mr. Thikkums is accepting mutually beneficial PI arrangements while undertaking an aggressive personal-development initiative known as:
The 100-Day Getting Thikk Initiative™
Priority will be given to clients interested in longer-term arrangements.
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✦ THE BASIC OFFER ✦
For every 7 days of PI access, Mr. Thikkums will complete:
→ One commissioned foreign trip of your choosing
→ 28* items per trip
→ Entire haul transferred to you at foreign purchase cost
→ Zero markup
That capacity comes courtesy of:
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Large Suitcase (+3)
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Faction travel perks (+5)
- Florist position (+5 flowers)
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The luxurious transportation infrastructure of your PI
Longer leases, additional flights, recurring orders, and other arrangements are absolutely negotiable. Mr. Thikkums believes in commerce.
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✦ FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ✦
How does this work?
Very simply. You lease Mr. Thikkums your PI for the agreed period. In exchange, Mr. Thikkums makes the agreed number of commissioned trips to destinations of your choosing selling you the requested for exactly what they cost abroad.
How much can you actually carry?
With a Large Suitcase, faction perks, and PI travel capacity, Mr. Thikkums can currently return with up to 28 items per trip.
How do I know you’ll actually get the items?
A fair and responsible question! 1.) Mr. Thikkums does not require upfront payment. He purchases the goods himself and you reimburse him at cost when the goods are transferred. 2.) Self-preservation. Mr. Thikkums is a fresh Level 15. Elimination has made mortality painfully obvious
This sounds suspiciously favorable. What do YOU get out of it?
Excellent question. After an Elimination performance best described as humbling, Mr. Thikkums has been forced to confront an uncomfortable truth: his own bodily weakness 😿
Profit is not the immediate objective, gym gains are. PI access gives Mr. Thikkums the training environment he needs while you receive a private, highly motivated foreign procurement specialist. Everyone wins.
What qualifications does Mr. Thikkums possess?
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Level 15
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Large Suitcase
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Faction travel perks
- Florist Perks
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Ambition
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No meaningful sense of self-preservation
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An increasingly concerning desire for gym gains
- A warm disposition?
Can we negotiate something other than one flight per week?
Absolutely. The one full-capacity trip per 7 days is simply the starting point. If you have a longer lease, recurring needs, a particular destination, or a more elaborate arrangement in mind, send Mr. Thikkums a message. Priority will generally go to longer-term agreements.
Will you marry me?
Flattered. Truly. Unfortunately, Mr. Thikkums is not presently entertaining courtship, marriage proposals, dowries, political alliances, or other romantic overtures. His heart belongs to the grind.
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✦ INTERESTED? ✦
Have an idle PI?
Send Mr. Thikkums a message with:
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Your proposed lease length
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PI details
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Preferred destination(s)
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What you’d like fetched
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Any alternative arrangement you have in mind
Reasonable offer and mutually beneficial business proposals are welcome.
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MR. THIKKUMS
He Go. He Gettum.
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