The Fortunate/Unfortunate Story

Unfortunately the steering wheel was missing.

Fortunately our non-clown, MIL escaping hero was packin', so he just blew off the head of a zombie that lingered outside the bus doors, dragged the now headless and dead body inside and slammed onto the drive shaft and proceeded to use as a wheel.

Unfortunately, the police that took the evil MIL's machete were still hanging around in the area, saw the unorthodox usage of a zombie corpse as part of machinery, and arrested our (nameless) hero for disturbing the peace.

Fortunately, the police were overpowered by the other survivors, who for some reason thought of our hero as a friend.

Unfortunately, the survivors all gathered around our hero too closely in their efforts to support him and he had a flash back to his years of heavy combat in the middle east and he pulled out a gun.

Fortunately, his gun jammed before he accidentally shot his new friends

Unfortunately, he had a sudden urge to pee

Fortunately, when he announced his desperate need to pee his new companions felt the same, so down when the windows and out the window went bums and lap rockets and they collectively sighed with relief.

Unfortunately the man's mother-in-law, finally catching up to him, saw this and in a very shrill voice began scolding all of them with a very vile vocabulary.

Fortunetly, some zombies appeared and ate her

Unfortunately this turned her into one of the undead and vowed the son in law would soon join her.

Fortunately Chuck Norris showed up to protect them all with his ferocious kicks.

Unfortunately, a horde zombies came and overwhelmed Chuck Norris, turning him into a walking sack of rotten flesh.

Fortunately, Chuck Norris can beat Zombie-ism and so his cells fought off the infection, curing himself and thereby creating the first known antibodies, which were used for vaccines forever curing zombie-ism even in our hero's MIL (everything can't be sunshine & lollipops)

Unfortunately, it will take another seven months to develop the vaccines meanwhile Bertha, the mother-in-law, is still on the loose gathering an army of zombies whom she's training to be ninja zombies.

Fortunately, zombie's flesh is so rotten that legs and arms tear apart from zombie's body at their first rotating kick or powerfull punch, so after training zombies remain only with their body (no legs or arms attached).

Unfortunately, the newly-turned dead haven't had time to rot, so they still have limbs that work well AND they haven't lost all their intelligence, their reactions are faster, they are smarter in what they do, and due to better intelligence they don't shuffle, they can sprint, jog, walk, any speed they want/need.

Fortunately a fleet of UFO's kidnap all the zombies for experiments

Unfortunately what they learn about this new strain of ninja-reflex-zombies alarms them so much that they dump the zombies back into the city, steal the complete box set of the Simpsons for human cultural studies and return to Antares.

Fortunately the newly dumped zombies have changed since being aboard the alien ship and now only attack when they hear polka music.