Affective disorders

So I just got admitted to the affective unit of my local hospital due to strong suspicions of borderline/bipolar disorder by my psychologist at the ER. While I am SUPER EXCITED to be deemed legitimately crazy by professionals all day I'd rather not go at all. I have to go to these dumb meetings though as they'll put me in involuntarily if i don't.

Personally I feel both crazy and perfectly sane. I just want to scream, have fun and live really fast. However it does exceed the typical as for most people it stops in between. For me my thoughts keep racing, I keep wanting to dance and sing and scream and hadn't i had a love of my life I would be doing much dumber things. My head is mumbo jumbo mush and I'm desperatly clawing for the pudding. I wish it would all stop, but it never does. It's magical chaos and I'm thrown smack dab in the middle. Now I have these wizards and witches whispering spells in my ears and force feeding me confetti.

How crazy are all you people? Anyone else needing to vent out?

Be careful with the doctors. Sometimes they misinterpret things and think you are a danger when you are not. Some say they want to help you but will just want to put you away rather than actually help you.

You need to figure out what makes you you. The basis of yourself so when things are getting wiggly or you are hearing things or anger is upon you you are still in some sort of control. Even if it is just enough to hide and run away until the situation and the functionings in your body settle. That is if things do get that bad for you.

Being involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward on a 72-hour hold, just because some doctor didn't take enough time to listen ("no time to do doctor things, just commit him"), is a new level of hell all in itself. Shackled in wrist, waist, and ankle cuffs and taxied 30 miles to the nearest facility (in the back of a squad car). Bound and caged like a f**king animal. Every bit of freedom and power and control stripped away.

The scariest part was getting used to it.

I am very careful with wording when I speak to my docs. My earlier suicide attempts have been "non intentional" and just me trying to get my anxiety in check as far as they're concerned. Suicide and death are no go terms and I am positively not letting them know i just lose control at times. I'm not getting committed even though it isnt nearly as dramatic as above mentioned. I just dont have time to and besides that I wont get better by it cause im not sick.

All I know is I need to increase my supply of amphetamines quick, cause they're the only things that make me feel like a functioning member of society. They multiply my impulses tenfold though, which is bad as i have zero impuls control. Oh well.

"[...] even though it isnt nearly as dramatic as above mentioned."

Maybe for you it wasn't. Consider yourself lucky.

Sweets, I live in Sweden. Things aren't as dramatic here.
Dont take things so personel kid :^)

Yeah, things are a bit different in the southern United States lol

You sound like you should be locked up.

Seriously?
Neither borderline nor bipolar disorders are fun to have.
What you describe sounds a lot like bipolar in a period of elevated mood.
If you need amphetamines to give you the feeling of a functioning member of society, you're not functioning at all.
It must be hell to live together with you.

I'm married to a guy with a Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, borderline and bipolar disorder. Bipolar with rapid cycling, which means that the periods of elevated mood and the periods of depression are changing very fast. He's in therapy for a long time, so he learned to handle it and he's taking meds.
Still there are periods when living together with him is like hell.

So tell your docs the whole story to get decent help.

Honestly - Stay out of these forums for psychiatric help. These people are messed up, they dont know you, they dont care about you for longer than it takes to finish writing a reply.

Talk to your doctors, it might not be what you want to hear, but they're not trying to bullshit you.

If you're concerned that they are, get a second opinion, but not from here. Definitely not from here.

I feel fantastic yeah, which is why they are even more on my throat than ever. And I suppose thats a way to look at it, but at the same time it is a way that works for me right now and I dont feel a need to quit my good girl pills just yet.
I'm sure it's hell to live with me though. The people around me are walking as if on broken glass as they never know if I'm happy, on drugs or if I'll snap and get irritated for no reason. I've resorted to telling people to ignore me when I'm being a bitch.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I'm sure he appreciates the patience.

Don't worry about me. I'm not very easy to bring down and messed up people are a-okay in my book. I'm not here for psychiatric advice, just wanted to vent and see if there was anyone that could relate.

I really appreciate the concern though. You seem like a nice guy.
I'll think about doing the whole psychiatric treatment shuffle later. As for now I'll soar.

Modern medicine is good for fixing your body but to fix your head a lot of the time they just want to fill you up with tablets. This may even work for some people.

I have a few little problems inside my head but i dont want to goto the doctor to get doped up to make me 'better' :P

I would rather have low level depression than get 'doped up' everyday.

I see plenty of people who are filled up with tablets everyday, i would far rather be the way i am now than like they are.

I know you're trying to go for shock as you're over dramatizing it a great deal, but hey who doesn't like attention. I will say though many people on this forum are legitimately psychopaths and bite. Careful.

This seems like fun! go on a killing spree! no judge can convict you!

Not really. I've been hopped on ADD/ADHD medicines that aren't mine for 3 days now and my mind is reeling more than it typically does. Psychopaths are fine. I don't mind them. Grew up with a narcissist dad so words don't bite.
Thanks for the concern.

Psychopaths or attention-seeking teenagers trying to be edgy?

There are a plethora of the latter on the internet ("hurr I'm a psychopath, I don't feel things, I'm all dead in the inside so be scurred"). Typical angsty bullshit.

People who truly do have an empathic disorder (cannot feel genuine empathy and cannot/do not want to form emotional bonds) don't want or need to find a support group full of people like them. You won't find them on forums or message boards going on about how they're psychopaths. The people who claim, over and over, that they can't form emotional bonds are likely just people who have lived as social outcasts/been mistreated, marginalized or downright ignored. The loneliness and bitterness becomes overwhelming as they grow up wondering why they're aren't accepted and appreciated like everyone else. This need to understand what separates them from the rest leads them to adopt a darker "I'm special mentality" (if they're going to be left on the social outskirts, then they might as well earn it) to ease the internal discomfort/dissonance. Their ongoing insistence that they are "psychopathic" is ironically the biggest indication that they are not.

All of that to say that the people you find on the internet callously and cruelly attacking other people aren't psychopaths, since someone with genuine psychopathy wouldn't waste their time on a pointless endeavor in which they stand to gain nothing. They are simply people passing on the pain that they have felt so long, because it's how they've learned to exist in the world.
"If people don't pay attention to me when I'm nice, they'll pay attention to me now."
I'd argue that a good portion of people that go on ill-planned, short-lived, seemingly-random and pointless killing sprees are people that have taken this path to an extreme. The world overlooked them for so long, but now their face is on every television screen in America, and their name on the tongues of strangers all across the country. The true psychopathic killers (just like not every killer is a psychopath, not every psychopath is a killer, or even overtly cruel and malicious) - they like to keep their activities in the dark, so they can continue on indefinitely (until they make a mistake, of course).

A narcissist will adopt an "I'm special, I'm better than everyone else" mentality to stifle their insecurities, leading to an overwhelming need for attention and external validation ("If I can convince them that I'm special, then I will be"). A schizoid/psychopath, on the other hand, has a similar mentality, but isn't driven by a need for external validation. The schizoid will hold a "horizontal superiority" mentality ("If I'm better than them, then I don't need them, and I don't need them to know it") and will end up in [comfortable] self-imposed isolation. The psychopath, on the other hand, will have a more "objective" (objective in the sense that, lacking the need for emotional bonding or external validation/attention, it's born free of any internal emotion - lacking the basic human need to be accepted/loved, they're aware and comfortable with what they are). In short, it's not as much "I'm special" as it is "I'm different and it gives me an advantage". Since they have nothing to gain (and much more to lose) by announcing this to the world, there's no incentive to waste time on the internet discussing it when they can be out in the world using it for genuine gain.

This wasn't directed at anyone in particular, just a general statement.

Amphetamine abuse (assuming you aren't talking about shitalin) does not help psychiatric disorders. Should go without saying, but I like to get specific since people will often assert that all drug use can and will exacerbate psychiatric conditions (which is not necessarily the case). However, stimulant abuse will send any sort of manic mood into overdrive, especially prolonged use that leads to staying up for days. Stimulant psychosis+sleep deprivation and mania amplify each other.

I've been diagnosed and treated for just about everything in the book because so many docs failed to communicate with each other, which caused so many damaging misdiagnosis. Since my third (and most recent) stay in a psych ward, they've put together a team of all the best professionals from my old treatment teams and they've decided that I have depression, anxiety, and bulimia nervosa. Once you get the right diagnosis and the right treatment, it definitely gets better. Trust me. I've been doing this dance for 10 years.