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Timeline
- Many Centuries Ago:
- When the first people set foot on the ground we now call Torn City, they had nothing. They'd emigrated from the south with nothing other than the clothes they had on their backs. They set up camp in what is the West of Torn today, using whatever they could find. After time, they had familiarize themselves with the surroundings, and as more people began to move to the area and set up camp, what was simply a settlement became a small bustling village.
- The Metrick family originated from a small village called Casalattico down near Monte Cristo in southern Italy.
- 1850s: Torn once claimed to possess a population of over 500 leprechauns. It transpired these "leprechauns" were merely hirsute Irish children.
- Early 20th Century: Torn was kicked out of the United States around this time for being the country's biggest jerk state - even more so than Texas.
- When Torn's citizens were finally allowed out after its secession they were only initially able to visit El Cascado (Mexico), and even then it was under armed supervision.
- Torn's unique justice system was founded shortly after its breakway from the United States, when twelve children were tragically killed in the cross-fire of a gang attack. Ever since this horrific event youngsters have become a rarity in Torn, with most sightings attributed to drunk people staring at midgets
- 1920 - 1933: During the USA's prohibition era Ciudad Juarez served as a haven for those seeking alcoholic adventures, although more were drawn to Torn thanks to its abundance of strippers and magicians.
- 1930s: During the Great Depression which caused many Wall Street professionals to jump out of their office windows onto the streets below, Torn's brokers made so much money they bought hot air balloons to do the opposite.
- 1934: Same sex marriage has been legal in Torn since this time, but this was mostly for an insurance scam.
- Late 20th Century:
- Jeffery Torn, now said as the true founder of the city, whose statue can be found today, in central Torn had a cathedral built before his death. Since this time, the civilians of Torn have made the city hell on earth.
- Edgar Torn, descendant of Jeffery Torn, started a venture in his early teens where he took a loan from every banking facility in the City and threw it into the stock market all at once.
- The market took a collapse for the worst, but due to his standing in the invested company, Evil Ducks Candy Corp (EVL), he was offered the CEO position within the company.
- Edgar then sold off most of his company, liquidized his shares and paid off the loans he took. The candy corporation took a turn for the worst and some questioned his motives, but it was during the depression that followed the stocks crash, that the people of Torn City took solace in the large consumption of candy. Profits soared and the young teen looked to global markets, especially within the shipping trade.
- Due to the majority of commodities coming into Torn City via land transport from the neighboring Cities, Edgar decided that if he was to ship goods from other countries, it would reduce the cost of trading and there would be less questions asked about the goods themselves.
- Economic warfare forced The Metrick family to immigrate to a land that wasn't as harsh or demanding, a place that would hopefully allow them to restart their lives and hopefully provide a stable place for their youngest son to grow up... Alphonse Metrick. He became the Weaponry Baron throughout Torn City as what the locals would call a revolutionary, but to everyone else, Just Big Al, the owner of Big Al’s Gun Shop. He acquired his nickname because he is a fan of the 1988 Tom Hanks movie, and not because of the size of his genitals.
- 1990: Swiss women were not allowed to vote until this time. Torn's women have always been allowed to vote, but they are still prohibited from performing in the circus.
- 1993: The Bits and Bobs store is now run solely by Bob Lee. His business partner Kenny Bits died in this year after falling into the Ostrich enclosure at one of Torn City's zoos.
- 1995: The first human born in Antarctica came as a result of Argentina sending a pregnant woman to the continent in 1977 in order to claim it as their own territory. Torn tried something similar during this year, but after sending a pregnant Torn woman to France they then realized it was already owned by the French.
- 1996: The adult actress Busty St Clair is banned from Torn for her 1996 adult movie "Guess Where I'm Torn".
- 1997: Australian songstrel Natalie Imbruglia released a song about her love of Torn, and she reportedly still owns a small flat in the east of the city above Sally's Sweet Shop.
- 1998: Earth's magnetic field seems to be weakening around Argentina, and has done for over 180 years now. Torn's citizens were concerned at this, and during this time, they set up a charitable organisation called "Magnets for Argies", sending over 800,000 magnets to the country.
- 1999: Torn's hipster population was made extinct after a fire at the city's second-hand clothing store.
- 2003: Torn last held a spelling bee during this time. The result was 12 dead, 48 injured.
- 2004: The Torn City Raceway allows virtually anyone in possession of a racing licence to take part in extremely dangerous race events, and in this year, the winner of one race was discovered to be a man who was legally blind and thought he was playing in a simulator at the funfair.
- 2006: The citizens of Torn kindly paid $2,600,000,000 to repair a Swiss rehab center, whose clientele mostly comprised Xanax addicted Torn folks anyway.
- September 29th 2006: There was a huge raid of illegal substances from an inner city slum, with a total street value of $TC 500 million, unfortunately in the brutal process during the raid, 3 Police Officers and 8 civilians were killed in crossfire.
- After this, the faction responsible for the drugs retaliated by detonating a bomb at the Torn City Police HQ, killing a further 26 police officers and injuring a further 32.
- January 3rd, 2007: Also known as J3, People would remember the 3rd of January (J3) as the day every citizen of Torn City became broke. Robert Moore remembered it as the day he became one of the richest men in the world. He would, after some weeks, become the founder and the owner of the Noddy Casino.
- February 7th 2007: The integrity of Torn City's security, record keeping facilities and staff would be put under direct scrutiny. Riots, chaos, looting, and murder; all of these horrific events would take place in the city.
- For the total length of a week, citizens and city management staff were unsure if Torn City would ever revert back to its normal ways or forever be in complete and uncontrollable turmoil.
- Midnight February the 14th, 2007: A returning flight from Switzerland crashed into an unprotected set of electrical transformers, immediately halting any power from reaching Torn. The city began to panic. Like the ruthless beings that the citizens were, they took to the streets to find family and friends and anything they could steal that was not bolted down.
- Strict force had to be brought down upon the city to inflict some sort of order. The Mayor had locked himself in the basement of his Castle while his top deputies guarded the gates so that no one could get to him. While residing in his basement, he tried to think of a way to fix the situation as quickly as possible without being attacked.
- Morning February 14th, 2007: Citizens tried to get their hands on cash so that they could find a place outside of the city to stay. Unfortunately, no one could leave the city due to the 24 hour curfew and many of the cell phones were now unusable. Many citizens were unhappy with this, as they were eager to see their loved ones from outside Torn City.
- There was extreme doubt that Torn City would ever return to normal. Food supplies ran low, and the number of citizens depleted. Therefore, no one had a problem walking around naked, defecating in the street or even eating the dogs that were running free from the pound.
- February 17th, 2007: The Mayor made an appearance to a group of citizens. He apologized for what had happened and assured his people that Torn City would indeed be returned to normal within three days. Hundreds of engineers from neighbouring towns and cities were called to begin the repairs (There was no power since the 14th).
- February 20th 2007: The outside forces were able to repair the broken transformers. Power had been returned to the city, but this was not the end of the problems.
- One man was seen on a bench in the Residential district sobbing into his hands. He was unable to propose to his long-term girlfriend due to the only case of cannibalism that was heard of during the Crash of 2007.
- Some time in 2007: Torn's Mr and Ms Torn competition has been run since this year, and whilst entrants are encouraged to be creative in their approach to winning the title, most people just take their clothes off.
- Torn's mayor was asked by a foreign journalist if it too was bilingual, but he mistook the meaning of the word and made an embarrassing pass at the gentleman in question.
- The very first winners of Torn's Mr and Mrs Torn Competition were Vixen_ and GZUSHCHRIST, yet since neither of these citizens have placed in any competition since we can only assume that time has not been kind to their appearance.
- Early morning, Monday 3rd March 2008: The city was brought to a standstill. A feud between factions; Hells Angels and Devastation had become as apparent as ever before. The Hells Angels vendetta on Devastation had forced them to use the world's first ever dirty bomb. It was detonated on the doorstep of the Devastation headquarters, leaving all members of the faction seriously ill, and injuring many thousands of other civilians.
News of the disaster shook the world for months, it was even stated "The biggest attack on US soil since 9/11" even though far fewer people lost their lives- The press released a newsflash explaining that a dirty bomb had been placed and detonated outside the 'Devestation HQ'.
- When the bomb was detonated, it as good as destroyed the Devastation faction. Rendering all their recent hard work useless.
- Basically on this day was the first ever use of a Dirty Bomb on Torn soil, as JamilB struck the faction Devastation, losing 10,321 respect in the process.
- Later that fateful day, it was revealed that the bomb had been the dirty work of rival faction - 'Hells Angels'.They later denied all accounts of this.
- May 2008: Many citizens still do not wish to remember this event (The Crash of 2007).
- July 2008: The closest Torn's male to female ratio has ever been was on this time when it was approximately two men for every one woman.
- Later in 2008: The winners of Torn's second Mr and Mrs Torn Competition in 2008 were -KC, thanks to his sweet-ass moustache, and AylaTayla, because she had her norks out.
- 2009: Mr and Ms Torn winners were Lullsbud and Godscurse. Whilst Lullsbud went with an imaginative hold-up scene set at the city dump, Godscurse just took a picture next to some girl's arse.
- 2010: Ms Torn winner Iamone took first prize thanks to her artistic display of the city's skyline painted directly onto her naked body. That year's Mr Torn took a picture next to the Eiffel Tower...go figure.
- 2011: A shadowy cabal of prominent citizens known as "The Player Committee" was formed to rule Torn. Their rituals are known to include the sacrifice of animals and frequent nudity.
- Later in 2011: Ms Torn winner Kimmy stormed to victory thanks to her elaborate combination of a massive sword and some boobs. Conversely 2011's Mr Torn took victory by covering up in a sultry morph suit and planking over his kitchen hob.
- 2012: The winner of the Ms Torn competition JoNeSyGaLL took 1st prize thanks to her photograph combining two of men's favourite things - sandwiches and boobs. The winner of Mr Torn was some kind of sailor guy or something. His name was Scony and I think he lived in a cupboard.
- In addition since Steve Aoki's music was banned in Torn during this year, the suicide rate there has plummeted.
- 2013: During this time, Torn City's inhabitants proved that boobs weren't enough to win the Ms Torn competition, as winner 2hOt4WoTuGoT also had to paint two lines on her face to achieve victory. Truly a stunning effort. By comparison the winner of that year's Mr Torn bogie drew a big map and wore foil as a hat, proving he was also a winner in life.
- 2014: This year marked the first time in seven years that a Mr and Ms Torn competition hadn't taken place. This was mostly due to the extremely unattractive nature of the city's populace at the time, with a recent wave of disfiguring syphillis considered mostly to blame.
- September 6th, 2014: The highest number of jailings in Torn's history occurred on this day, with 3867 individual imprisonments within the space of 24 hours. Torn's thugs have attempted to beat this tally on several occasions, but have yet to hit the felonious heights of 2014.
- 2015: In this year, Photoshop, in the annual Mr and Mrs Torn competition, was named as a banned performance enhancer.
- The city's annual Mr Torn competition was won by citizen Ist, who is some kind of army guy that's really good at making paper airplanes. The Ms Torn crown went to KillerAkira, despite the fact that her photograph displayed a positively atrocious taste in Gothic Romance novels.
- April 1, 2015: On April Fools Day of this year, more items were found on a single day than ever before, with 27,411 discarded pieces of property picked up by Torn's thrifty population. This sudden spike was caused by a radio station prank which promised $15,000,000 for each item of any value brought to them before midday. The remains of the disc jockey responsible were found in fourteen different places later that day.
- The 23rd of February 2016 marked the first time more than 1,000 Torn Citizens collectively visited another country. On that day 1,009 people visited South Africa, and when they departed they left it in a right state.
- Later in 2016: Torn's richest citizen was Hell_Fire with a networth of over 800 billion dollars. If you were to take half of Hell_Fire's money and put it in the bank, it would earn you approximately five beatings an hour because it's not yours to invest.
- 2018: Recently there has been a noticeable slowdown in Torn's construction industry, with no new buildings appearing for several years. This is mostly due to the 7 million stolen bricks currently in circulation as temporary weapons.
- The current ratio of males to females in Torn is 1 woman for every 4.60 men. Another way of looking at it is that each man gets 0.22 of a woman, but if you're unlucky you might only get something boring like her ankles or something.
- September 9, 2018: The BUSTERz Detective Agency became the first such company to achieve a ten star ranking.
- September 10, 2018: The BUSTERz Detective Agency detectives found themselves several billion dollars richer, having used the Wanted List special to apprehend to apprehend the city's ten most prolific criminals - and then some.
Torn National Animal: A dead wasp hit with a rolled-up newspaper
Torn National Motto: ilii liberum manducare
Torn's "Little Brother": South Africa
Torn Official Holiday: November 911 Day (This is a national holiday where murderers are expected to call the authorities shortly after their crime to allow the victim's loved ones to see them prior to decomposition).
Torn's Largest Native Animal: A dog called "Ferocious Ken."
Torn's Most Famous Person: Milli (from Milli Vanilli), who owned a trailer just next to the city dump.
Torn Official Language: English & Louder English.
Torn is Famously known as: The birthplace of that guy who sold drugs to his employer on Undercover Boss.
Torn (Spanish Version): Los Agujeros de Mierda
Torn Most Misused Word: Clean
Torn Constitution: Citizens of Torn are prohibited from making peace with anyone or anything.
(I OWN NOTHING!!!!!
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