Hi there, I'm Bapki.

Foreword: Yes, in classic Bapki style, this post is so long it needs a foreword. I turned a year old the other day. If you’re interested in learning a bit about my progress in the game, read on. If not, kindly place your troll comment and leave me be! With that said, it might as well have taken me a full year to write this whole thing, given its absurd length. Good luck.

So, you know what happens when you finally turn off Torn on your 364th day of playing to go to your psychology class? Someone else swoops in and makes a thread about them turning a year old, stealing all of your well-deserved attention; robbing you of your day to be special. Well, Jovis, scoot aside, ‘cause your 5 minutes of fame are up! See ya next year; my turn!

{Insert fake apology to Jovis before posting} psst, congrats!

It was pointed out to me a couple of times that this year is a leap year, making it arguable that a full year should actually be 366 days long. Obviously, I thought this was a dumb argument until I realized it worked to my advantage. Maybe some people are out here celebrating a day early, huh?
Edit: Pffft, I forgot to post this, so now I’m posting a day late. My point here has been invalidated. Maybe some people are out here celebrating a day late, huh?!

Anyway, perhaps I should introduce myself before I go a bit too far and get in trouble for “poorly representing the staff team” or something else my staff colleagues have warned me about. So, hiya, I’m Bapki! I joined Torn 366 days ago and thought I’d write a thread about it. After all, you only turn 1 once! ...Unless you’re one of our many trolls on Torn who continuously challenge this fact by maintaining the maturity of a one-year-old for years on end.

I’m just going to assume most people already checked out at this point and have moved ahead with commenting to farm some karma and whatnot. If you’re still reading, though, that’s an achievement on its own! Now we can both celebrate! I still get all of the gifts, though, so if someone mixes things up and sends you one by accident, just pass it on my way. Thanks in advance. This is about to get a lot more boring.

So! What should I talk about? I originally thought I might use this thread as a way to attempt to “legitimize” myself in the eyes of the recent naysayers saying I’m “too new” to be staff. I then realized doing so is pretty cringe-worthy and shows that they’re getting to me (you’re not; keep those attacks coming, my dearest Dekloren). Honestly, though, folks out here act like the absolute minimum length of time it would take to read a few wiki pages and guides is nothing short of a full 366-day-long year.

I’ve done my best since day one to help others because that’s genuinely how I enjoy Torn. Everyone has their own playstyles and I do my best to respect and promote that, even if I don’t align with their way of thinking. I generally admire and support people with “unusual” goals in the game, whether it’s buying out all of the soaps in the item market, becoming a renowned bounty-placer, or providing coverage of smaller-scale news in Torn.

My first week of playing Torn was probably similar to many: Joining on the mobile app, figuring out how to scroll the top navigation bar, realizing the game was infinitely better on PC, panicking to locate the ammo locker, completing George’s missions… then being a bit lost for awhile there. Is that all? Where’d my missions go? What should I do now?

On my 9th day of playing, I took that last question into my own hands and created a medical charity program for new players requiring assistance. I had this running in the New Player Forums for about 2-3 months before realizing that, well, those New Player Forums can’t be accessed by anyone other than new players… I must say it was surprising to see the sheer amount of donations that came in solely from newbies looking to help newbies.

[image: lh6.googleusercontent.com]

Yet another shout out to the largest donator, mysterium215; thank you tons!

I’ve written only a few real forum threads on Torn, including a tribute to my wonderous DeLonghi panini-maker in an attempt to share the joy of the panini with my fellow players. My most liked piece was a guide supposedly about indirectly proposing to others which, to this day has led to a sizable amount of diamond rings and red roses being sent my way. Sorry to break it to you, but no, you’re not the first to do so. In a similarly sarcastic fashion, I did my best to explain how blood bags work. Can we get some gigantic, flashy sign to say “#HUMBLEBRAG” or maybe just “Shameless Self-Promotion” to post right here? Some bright lights and sparkles around the edge would be a nice touch.

Some of my greatest influences coming up in Torn (hitting peak levels of cringe with this generic line) were Argosz, SexMetalBarbie, Ampheromine, mysterium215, and Kayla, while my idols were PrincessJulie and Hoy. If your name isn’t on here, I probably just forgot you. Sorry, not sorry! Please don’t hurt me.

At some point Ampheromine demanded offered I marry them if I would level up out of the New Players Chat. Like the proud feminist I am, I went full golddigger-mode. A red-named player with billions of dollars and a Private Island?! Count me in! After all, both PrincessJulie and her then-spouse already rejected my proposals, so I may as well go for my 3rd 5th 17th second-to-last option as a spouse, right?! luv ya amph <3

Unfortunately, Global just wasn’t for me. I came to realize that what I personally enjoyed in Torn was the constant flow of New Player Chat and the opportunity presented there to more easily help others just joining the game. For some, if not most players, the goal of the game is to become the strongest and richest the quickest. This totally makes sense and I understand that, at its most basic level, this is essentially the name of the game. However, I’ve come to realize that this just doesn’t hold the same appeal for me. So while it may hold more appeal in the future, I genuinely enjoy myself the most when I feel that I’m helping someone else. Perhaps that’s narcissistic; perhaps it’s a hunger for power and attention, but that’s what makes me feel productive in Torn.

[image: lh5.googleusercontent.com]

That lasted long. I’m sorry I faded away after leaving NPC, Amph.
I left you long before you left me.

I’ve begun boring myself writing this. I have no idea how you’ve survived this long, if you even have. Are you alright? I can hook you up with a mental psychologist if you think you might need a diagnosis.

I’ve had several other low points in my Torn career (such as creating this thread, I predict), including when I essentially suggested we dox the actor portraying Duke. Zero karma… thank you all for kindly ignoring it and pretending it didn’t happen. I also got a bit carried away during a time where I felt creeped out by, well, creeps in the game and posted a suggestion that we should be allowed to disable marriage proposals. I think we can ignore one single event, don’t you? Similarly, I went a bit on the offensive in a thread by LassoGirl regarding sexual harassment in the game and while I stand by most of what I said, it’s rather out of character for me to lash out like that. And, of course, I quit for a couple of months, which I suppose was probably a low point.

Let’s see, what else can I fill a few more pages on? Ugh, I can’t just leave it at that... Jesus, I wish I could think of a topic to discuss... Oh well.

To wrap things up, at 350 days old, I was accepted as a Helper on the Torn staff team. At the time I’m writing this post, I have 212 friends and 14 enemies, with a solid 150 merits, 750 karma, and absolutely no more patience to continue writing. I’m doing my best to answer any questions that come my way and promise to be honest and ask if I don’t know something. Thank you all so much for reading, pretending to read, or just glancing at the length and saying "Yeah, no." before turning around. See ya!

[image: lh5.googleusercontent.com]

I’m sorry Mr-Fixer. I’ve kept our secret for too long. I must cheaply attempt to legitimize myself, despite claiming I wouldn’t do that.

In case you missed my insinuation there, I was blamed for getting Jesus kicked from the New Player Chat a while back. My senior staff members have responded to this in the #JUSTICE4JESUS thread. While I stand behind their decision, I do have somewhat differing opinions than many seem to assume.

I recognize Jesus as a prominent member of the community and his holding at level 1 for so long is an impressive feat. However, when his Discord channel was being advertised in NPC and I told the advertiser (-rax-) to take it to the Trade Chat, Jesus attacked and hospitalized me directly for doing my newly-acquired staff duties. Staff are, of course, players and can be attacked and bountied, but being in the hospital is highly limiting our abilities to help others.

For example, this was around the Love Juice event and I had several questions like “Where are the Docks on the City Map?” While I may know the relative lower-right location of this location on the map, it’s much easier to either link a nearby territory or give specific instructions. Questions like “Which is better, this totally random weapon or this never-used gun?” are quite difficult to answer accurately without being able to see those specific items in, say, the Item Market or Big Al’s.

It was not simply that he attacked me, it was that he attacked me solely for delivering on my duties as staff, preventing me from helping true new players to my full extent. To top it off, despite my warning to advertise in Trade, more messages were sent in NPC after I was hospitalized along the lines of “Bapki join the server and you will be forgiven.” Any claims that Jesus “didn’t realize” I was a staff member are too silly to address.

I don’t personally have the ability to remove players from NPC. While I may be directly related to what resulted in Jesus being kicked, I did not take the action myself.

Attempting to look at it from bogie’s perspective (and I write this without asking him about the matter; these are my own thoughts), I feel that if I had a brand-new staff member on my team, I would want to show that I’m serious about protecting their ability to efficiently perform as staff. If this required removing a player who had been shown to turn away new players in the past through attacking, then perhaps that action even boosts player retention.

Again, this is just my own take on things and as I said, I stand behind senior staff decisions. I know it's cooled down and I may be unnecessarily fanning the embers here, but after debating whether or not to address the situation, I felt I should post this.

thank you for sharing this with us. :)

Ah, you must've stopped reading at the 3rd line. I was prepared. Thank you. :)

Long read but funny. Congratz

i wanted tocomment frist i am the " This is about to get a lot more boring." now that you put there :)





Edit: just finished reading.

I love you

Since you don't enjoy the game as much anyone out of NPC, you'll need to restart.

Can I have your stuff please?


happy Bapkiday.

Young Bapki staff.
You are amazing <3

mysterium215

^^ One of the best person.
Also read it. Gratz on your one year playing. Also disagreement and fights are usual in big community especially between people who invest so much time into it. Like a wise man said (idk his name), "you will not fight unless you care".

As a long-winded post writer myself, I felt obligated to read the whole damn thing... it was good! I was entertained and am now better informed. Happy anniversary. May you have many more anniversaries and may you lose the too noobish to be helpful label before your 5th anniversary.

yawn

yawns too

For the record, it was a lot of work tricking PrincessJulie into marrying me.

Troll comment

Missed my flight reading this...
Great work tho :)

Great read.
Good to see new staff is motivated to help this game grow, and to make a safe and friendly environment for new players.

Doing this is my preferred way of playing too, and it's so great to see members in my faction going from casual players to heavily addicted invested players, just by giving them the tools and knowledge to grow.

Keep it up!

Don't know what you guys are reading but that was boring!!

Where's the tl;dr section?
Why isn't there point forms?


Are you drunk?

Dear Bapki,
I really enjoyed reading your life story. As a new player in this game, it was kind of enlightening in its own way.
I spent last day reading a few Newspaper articles and if you can write about something other than yourself, I am sure you'll do great writing for them.
You say you love helping noobs and I have seen you helping lots of noobs in New Player's Chat. Also since you mentioned how people of Torn consider you too nooby to be a staff. I will Say we noobs are proud of our noob staff bapki.
Also Will you teach me the art of indirect proposing?
I don't know about Jesus, but getting God Banned should be considered an Achievement.

I Shine.