Please grave

Please grave

*Hugs*

End of the day does it really matter though? You can't do anything to change other people so why waste your time and energy on it.

I'm sorry to hear that. It was a very brave thing to do, must have taken a lot of courage. Kudos for that, regardless the outcome, you did the right thing, at least in my opinion. I can imagine his reaction was not the reaction you were hoping for, although I think you perhaps did account for something like that to happen. Feeling devastated is a logical and fully understandable reaction to that. Not many people would react otherwise.

However, trying to see the silver lining here, he did not actually condemn you in any way, nor did he express his disapproval. Yes, he did walk out on you, but that might not be because he now abandons you. It could still be, but until he talks to you about it, you'll never know. Perhaps your mother is right and he needs time to process this before he gives his honest opinion and thoughts. Perhaps he felt a restaurant is not the right place to discuss this. However you yourself look at it, feel about it, or would like others to act upon it, news like this will be a shock to many a parent. There's a reason you hesitated so long before telling him, that says a lot about the impact you figured it would have on him. You could very well have been right about that, which means he will need time to comprehend the extent and figure out his true feelings about it, which right now says nothing about where he stands on the subject.

Although an instant acceptance would have been so much easier and better, I wouldn't give up on your dad just yet. Perhaps you could give him some time to organize his thoughts and form his opinion. There's no way to know for sure, but you might be surprised.

Either way, you know where to find me.

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The strongest thing you can do is confront him head on about it.

Basically saying that this is who you are, and if he does not accept that he will lose his child and potential grand children forever. Its super rough but can be what he needs to really understand the consequence of not accepting you as you are. A parent owes their child unconditional love and support.

Also sorry about it :/ got a dad myself who isnt accepting

best of wishes mate, an unsupporting parent is the worst, especially when you're revealing your true self to them and they reject it. As a fellow queer, i think that this is the worst thing that could happen to someone.

my dms is always open if you ever need a chat with an online stranger to relieve your feelings

LOL What the hell is wrong with you? anti-lgbt rhetoric? You'll have to explain that one.. I was just trying to give another perspective on the situation. Why put yourself through all that when there's nothing you can do to change a persons mind is it not better to be a grown up about it and move on, why would you affirm the other persons thoughts about you, that's just going to make things worse for you. So stand up for yourself if someone doesn't like your lifestyle, screw em'. I was just giving another perspective.

Unless you love to play the victim.. Hey Aza?

provocation isnt needed in a discussion like this. quit your crap

Very sorry to hear this :(

I hope he eventually comes round and accepts you for who you are.

barely worth responding to, but i'll give it a go in the event that you are open to it. acceptance matters, particularly parental acceptance. the people who brought you into this world are meant to love you unconditionally. when they don't, that's a violation of a long-standing bond. that violation causes a ton of dissonant pain. while yeah, at some point you'll have to move on if they don't accept you, it's absolutely worth trying to mend a relationship with a parental figure, and it's absolutely okay to feel hurt when they turn their back on you. your statement is akin to telling somebody that they can't grieve after a loved one dies, because there's nothing they can do about it, so it's best to just move on.

op - i'm heartbroken for you. i hope you can heal, and i hope that your father comes around and acknowledges his mistake. if u need a stranger to talk to, feel free to shoot me a message.

What a shitty comment. It’s not just “other people” though, is it? It’s her Dad for gods sake. Of course she will want his acceptance.

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I don't get it.

The only man I thought I could trust just walked out of my life forever.

No he didn't, he left the restaurant.

Your mother is most likely the person that knows him the best out of everyone in the whole world. She said he needs time to process. You have decided that he actually doesn't, and he has abandoned you forever?

There is obviously a lot more nuance and background to this story than is presented here, so if you are correct, I feel for you. I hope he comes around, and accepts you for who you are. But this post reeks of conclusion jumping, and "fear of the worst".


Edit: 2 dislikes but no replies. Maybe point out the bit in my post that is wrong? I am responding to the message as posted - nothing more, nothing less. Some people like to hear different perspectives. I assumed that is what "I posted this very personal thing in public" indicated.

OP gets rejected by father, and the first thing you say to her is she's pessimistic. its normal behavior to fear for the worst in cases like this

While you may be going through incredible mental pain, which is the equivalent of physical pain for many people, it is actually good that you are showing this.

"But how the hell is it good?" you may ask. And the first answer of mine will be to say that it means your mental state is more than sane. You care very deeply about your father, and probably others aswell. Another hint to this is that you have finally decided to become who you are. Every journey is going to be packed with ups and downs and a sane person is there to soak it all in, good and bad.

Know that your father is going to eventually accept the new you because he loves you very much, and is probably going through a similar experience right now. There is always a rainbow after the storm.

I do recommend to not drink heavily, or if you do so, to do so safely. Get a ride, and that sort of thing. Best of luck, you've taken the biggest leap of your life and maybe thrown it into chaos, but know that out of chaos will always come something better.

With kindly regards -CoolguyRuler,

okies... its good that you have come out to your dad... the problem is thats the only correct thing you have done.

If you are going to tell someone, anyone some news that is going to have an impact on them you dont do it in public. With the limited info we have been given here, i would suggest a 'defeated look' would mean that he wanted to react but couldnt as he was surrounded by ppl, literally.

By getting up and walking away without giving anything away suggests to me that he has clamped his emotions down hard and tight and wanted to be alone to process it.

You say there was no downtalk or insults, thats a good thing BUT you want instant acceptance? Some ppl (myself included) simply cannot, will not and refuse to give instant anything without processing time first. It doesnt make him, (or me) phobic, it simply means he needs to think.

'To say that I'm devastated is an understatement. I literally cannot stop crying. The only man I thought I could trust just walked out of my life forever.' with respect, that is ONLY drama in YOUR head. you have craved instant acceptance and feel rebutted and now you are overthinking and being over dramatic. CALM DOWN!

Your mum is correct, he needs a lil time.... this news doesnt mean he loves you any less.

and lil headsup, going out and getting ugly drunk is a very bad idea especially at a time when everyone needs a lil space and privacy to think. It will solve nothing, cost a fortune, worry your parents and worst case scenario put you as a person at risk.

AZa_cadabra disliked your post

Im not sure why this person disliked my post. What you have done is extremely brave and im sorry it hasnt worked out the way you wanted it to. But i stand by point of giving your dad a little space to process and when you talk to him about again go somewhere private or of his choosing.

Good luck.

hmmm, if i was you id be wondering why your dad acted that way and why he cares. id think about that, and possibly think maybe he wanted grandchildren or to see you continue his line or something and perhaps thats upset him?

if you can perhaps think of reason why hed be like that maybe you can find a talking point and solution with him?

Awe Erin, so sorry that this is so painful! Chances are it’s temporary. I understand that feeling of wanting it resolved and in the manner you most want. If your dad could have just smiled and told you he accepted you as you are right away it would have been awesome. It also probably would have meant he wasn’t being fully sincere. This doesn’t mean it isn’t true. This doesn’t mean he won’t get there. As your mon already told you, he needs time.


Did you get there that fast? The first time you had the thought that you might be gay did you just accept that it was so and then feel no trepidation or concern with the discovery? If that is how it happened for you, then wow! That sort of confidence comes from having parents that have given you an abundance of security and unconditional love throughout your life. If it was like that then give him the time he needs and be as confident in him as he clearly has been with you in the past.


If it was not like that and it took you time to accept that you are gay, then realize that the process isn’t so fast. It’s a process for most. And don’t think I’m saying it means your parents were less than they should have been. It’s just not the case. Most kids are not going to be fully confident and secure in their skin at all moments. And honestly, they shouldn’t. The world is not always safe. It’s good to be wary at times.


Parents know this and worry about their kids. They want what’s best for them. Being gay in this world is not easy. The bigotry and disrespect others will give you is concerning and worrisome. Just by being out you are making yourself vulnerable to other people’s prejudices and hate. Your parents not only have to accept you are gay, they have to accept this ball of fear that life is just that much harder for you. It’s terrifying. It shouldn’t be and perhaps in future generations it won’t be, but for now acceptance is not something you will get from all people.


If your dad has been the only man you can trust in your life then you owe him your trust right now. Love him and give him time. Trust that regardless of how he feels, you are his daughter and that bond is important. If, when he can talk to you about it, he rejects you then give into these feelings of despair. Don’t do it now, before he even knows. At this point, it sounds like you should be trusting and accepting him.


That’s the toughest part about loving others. You give them your heart, you reveal who you are and then you have to wait for them to accept what you are offering. We evolve and change as we age and so we to continually give our heart and reveal who we are over and over again. That’s all part of love.


When we finally vow to a life partner we have to realize that we are vowing to love all the iterations that person will become. It’s why divorce rates are so high…because we change too… so along with vowing to love every iteration our person will become in their lifetime, we also vow that every iteration we become will do that too. It’s not an easy task.


Give your dad time to see that this new iteration of yourself isn’t all that foreign. All the parts he loves are still there. Also, most dads hate to think about their little girls being sexual at all. It’s uncomfortable for them even without the addition of finding out you are gay.


Good luck. I am hoping for the best outcome for you.

I know it sucks and how hurt you’re feeling right now. It’s a painful thing to go through, but I honestly believe you just need to give him time like your mother said.

Like JustJanet mentioned, how fast did you realize and accept yourself? It took me a bit to realize that whoa I was having feelings for a female and then a few months to accept that yes I was definitely gay. Many factors went into why I didn’t accept myself right away but the point is it even took me a while to accept ME.

I get the reasoning of doing it in a public place. You didn’t want a huge scene to be made maybe? But then again, you got no scene or reaction at all, just him leaving without a word. It may not have been the outcome you were hoping for but it’s what happened, unfortunately.

I am the type of person that needs to process after big news. I don’t want to react right away and I need time to myself to process things. Reacting in the moment... he may have said something he would’ve regretted later. He maybe just needed time to sort those thoughts and ultimately accept that you are his daughter and you being who you are won’t change that. Even if he doesn’t come around, you still have friends and family that will support and love you for who you are. Just give him time.

I was accepted by most of my family, a few of them took a while to come around. Yeah it hurt that they didn’t accept me right away but I also kept living life the way that made me happy. It’s all we can do.

I know how hard it is to gather the courage to do what you did, super proud of you for it. So sorry it had this outcome. You are not alone though and from the looks of this post, you have plenty of support for whatever he decides.

I hope he comes around and you guys are able to talk this through. You know I am always here if you’d like to talk.