Does anyone else think about it? I'm sure almost all of us have at some point. My dad took his own life in 2009. He thought his life was over and we'd be better off without him. I think everyone has the right to end their own life. How often is thinking about killing yourself too often? Is it selfish? Should you be penalized for attempting? How often do you think about it? Do you honestly make changes to curb these thoughts? No I'm not thinking about killing myself. I am not thinking about hurting anyone else.
Suicide
Started by Rotund [2964509] on in General Non-related.
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- Awake [291794]
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My little boy passed away in 2019 and I have no shame in admitting I tried to take my own life on a drug fueled meltdown, the moment I did what I done I felt instant regret, I knew I … - DivineLeft [3175375]
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Thank you for sharing your story and for being vulnerable enough to offer perspective on what healing has looked like for you. - Robbo [1826175]
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My experiences fall into two or three variations but are rooted in depression of one form or another. If you're just having suicidal thoughts randomly that aren't intrusive thoughts or calls of the void that would be concerning. Firstly thinking …
If you're comfortable answering a personal question (I assume you are, since you volunteered a lot of information above), how do you feel about your father's suicide? Do you believe you were better off without him, or that he was selfish for taking his own life? It's alright if you don't want to share and talk in general terms though.
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/UrgYJE2.png){kind=link}
My little boy passed away in 2019 and I have no shame in admitting I tried to take my own life on a drug fueled meltdown, the moment I did what I done I felt instant regret, I knew I made the wrong decision and I wanted to live.
This was 6 weeks after I lost him, I was very very lucky to survive. I could not see past the darkness and I had no will to fight anymore.
I am now so so so so grateful I survived, I don't touch drugs, I am doing amazing in life and I'm having experiences that I only dreamt possible.
Yes I miss my son and some days are rainy days but I feel blessed everyday to be alive.
Long story short, the storm is temporary, we must survive the storm to try find some light again.
Life is beautiful, please treasure it and if anyone ever needs to talk about their emotions and vent to someone I'm only one message away.
No it's not selfish to attempt, when in the midst of that darkness it's impossible to think of others, mental health is a complex thing and it's not right to brand it as selfish to of decided not to battle.
This was 6 weeks after I lost him, I was very very lucky to survive. I could not see past the darkness and I had no will to fight anymore.
I am now so so so so grateful I survived, I don't touch drugs, I am doing amazing in life and I'm having experiences that I only dreamt possible.
Yes I miss my son and some days are rainy days but I feel blessed everyday to be alive.
Long story short, the storm is temporary, we must survive the storm to try find some light again.
Life is beautiful, please treasure it and if anyone ever needs to talk about their emotions and vent to someone I'm only one message away.
No it's not selfish to attempt, when in the midst of that darkness it's impossible to think of others, mental health is a complex thing and it's not right to brand it as selfish to of decided not to battle.
Thank you for sharing your story and for being vulnerable enough to offer perspective on what healing has looked like for you.
I think about suicide quite often actually. I wouldn't say it's selfish, but I would say it would be devastating to everyone who cares about you, no matter if that amount is 1 or 100. Think about all of the money and time your parents spent raising you. Think about all of the relationships you built with others, all the friends you've made. Think about all of the opportunities you have to do something amazing in life, whether it's for your own good, or for others. I think that suicide is a terrible decision to make no matter the situation. There's always good things to come in life, even if they're very little things. You wake up in the morning, go outside, and you can see the beautiful sunset. I count that as something good that happened that day. You're walking in school, or in town, or wherever, and someone smiles at you or says hi. I count that as something good that happened as well. Life is 99% psychological, and once you can get past the barrier that is your mind, or at least learn how to control it, you can control what happens in your life. A lot of what happens at least. The main thing is looking for all the little tiny details that make your day just a little bit better.
My experiences fall into two or three variations but are rooted in depression of one form or another. If you're just having suicidal thoughts randomly that aren't intrusive thoughts or calls of the void that would be concerning.
Firstly thinking about suicide in terms of what you're escaping are probably quite common. Wanting to escape bereavement, loss, bullying, excessive stress, divorce, maybe debt problems etc aren't necessarily dangerous, just the human instinct to escape from something and not seeing a route out.
The dangerous forms of suicidal thoughts are where you're actively planning the deed itself, the focus isn't on the escape but how you would conduct the act. You've essentially moved beyond stage one and accepted its going to happen regardless of your actions.
I guess a secondary could be if you acted impulsively without any thought at all and failed a serious attempt. The risk of acting impulsively again is incredibly dangerous.
Regardless in both (all) cases I would recommend taking action and talking to people but definitely in the second and third example you 100% are going down a bad road and need to immediately shake yourself and work on a resolution. Depression is like a fog that can take a while to clear so don't wait until you're at the active planning phase finding robust noose locations or long drops or actively failing attempts.
Alcohol, drugs and some mental health issues (other than depression) are dangerous because they remove logical reasoning from the equation. Where a sober person might recognise they are suffocating and either self-help or look for outside help. Someone struggling with addiction might be specifically using drugs to bandaid what is causing the depression and suicidal tendencies in the first place.
on a side note I already have plans with the wife and funds available for assisted dying. If I were to suffer some TMI or develop a cognitive condition ain't no way in hell my children or wife and doing palliative care on me. I'd end my own life while I could before that happened if assisted dying wasn't an option. I'd wheel my AI-controlled scooter onto the freeway or off a cliff or something.
Firstly thinking about suicide in terms of what you're escaping are probably quite common. Wanting to escape bereavement, loss, bullying, excessive stress, divorce, maybe debt problems etc aren't necessarily dangerous, just the human instinct to escape from something and not seeing a route out.
The dangerous forms of suicidal thoughts are where you're actively planning the deed itself, the focus isn't on the escape but how you would conduct the act. You've essentially moved beyond stage one and accepted its going to happen regardless of your actions.
I guess a secondary could be if you acted impulsively without any thought at all and failed a serious attempt. The risk of acting impulsively again is incredibly dangerous.
Regardless in both (all) cases I would recommend taking action and talking to people but definitely in the second and third example you 100% are going down a bad road and need to immediately shake yourself and work on a resolution. Depression is like a fog that can take a while to clear so don't wait until you're at the active planning phase finding robust noose locations or long drops or actively failing attempts.
Alcohol, drugs and some mental health issues (other than depression) are dangerous because they remove logical reasoning from the equation. Where a sober person might recognise they are suffocating and either self-help or look for outside help. Someone struggling with addiction might be specifically using drugs to bandaid what is causing the depression and suicidal tendencies in the first place.
on a side note I already have plans with the wife and funds available for assisted dying. If I were to suffer some TMI or develop a cognitive condition ain't no way in hell my children or wife and doing palliative care on me. I'd end my own life while I could before that happened if assisted dying wasn't an option. I'd wheel my AI-controlled scooter onto the freeway or off a cliff or something.
I am quite pessimistic and always have been. I dont think having dark thoughts is anything to worry about too much. I have them on occasion.
Its if you 'try to do something' when there is a problem.
I think being fit and active helps me a lot being in a busy work environment. Also games, music, tv and films help me a lot as well.
People who are at home all day through illness or no job have to be careful... Seek help if you need it.
Im literally too busy to do anything about my occasional dark thoughts. Like i said i work hard.
But i also have fun in my downtime as well. Games, music, tv and films really do help.
Its if you 'try to do something' when there is a problem.
I think being fit and active helps me a lot being in a busy work environment. Also games, music, tv and films help me a lot as well.
People who are at home all day through illness or no job have to be careful... Seek help if you need it.
Im literally too busy to do anything about my occasional dark thoughts. Like i said i work hard.
But i also have fun in my downtime as well. Games, music, tv and films really do help.
I think that once you pass the point where you really start considering that there’s Always Another Way Out Of This, it’s not something that ever leaves you. Like a dark open door in the corner of the room that you can’t help but glance at when things get hard, and you wonder, why not just step through? Why not leave? I don’t think I’ll ever end up going through that door, personally; my will to live is too strong. I’m genuinely not sure why, though. What do I live for? It used to be a question I wallowed in, despairing, but now it’s become something that I try to ask myself in sincerity and curiosity, trying to understand what it is that I want and need out of life, and why, despite everything, I continue to stay. It would be funny if the answer turned out that I’m just a really f**king stubborn guy.
Living is over rated
Leo Tolstoy had an interesting take on the purpose of life. In essence, between all the options of how to live or how life could make any sense altogether, the most compelling and least cowardish type was to just end the illusion.
I wonder why you seem to portray thoughts "of suicide" as negative in a general sense. We're inclined to attempt to survive, but similarly, the theoretical consideration of suicide in a general sense is rather a branch to sort into the realm of simple critical consideration of yourself and where you're situated.
For some reason, this reminds me of a talk I once had about "whether someone should be judgemental, or not". I'm sure in past years most will have heard things along the lines of "don't judge... xyz". Similarly to here, these are things you can't possibly stop, unless you stop the process of thinking itself (hey, now, that might not be difficult to find these days, actually). We "judge" regardless whether conscious or not, and trying to deny or limit said judgement is similar to a desperate attempt at denying reality.
From what I can tell, those trying to deny reality are those most inclined to attempts at escaping it. That includes the practical attempt at suicide.
Alas, I'd not question whether the mere thought of suicide on it's own is bad - at the very least, not with a negative inclination.
Instead, if you have to ask this question, try to transcend the issue itself - dive into depth with the psychology you connect to the thought, disassemble every single piece of it, and finally, figure what the reason for your thought may be - it might surprise you to find out what the reason could be, and in the process, it also may reveal things about yourself to you that weren't ever as apparent to you before.
I wonder why you seem to portray thoughts "of suicide" as negative in a general sense. We're inclined to attempt to survive, but similarly, the theoretical consideration of suicide in a general sense is rather a branch to sort into the realm of simple critical consideration of yourself and where you're situated.
For some reason, this reminds me of a talk I once had about "whether someone should be judgemental, or not". I'm sure in past years most will have heard things along the lines of "don't judge... xyz". Similarly to here, these are things you can't possibly stop, unless you stop the process of thinking itself (hey, now, that might not be difficult to find these days, actually). We "judge" regardless whether conscious or not, and trying to deny or limit said judgement is similar to a desperate attempt at denying reality.
From what I can tell, those trying to deny reality are those most inclined to attempts at escaping it. That includes the practical attempt at suicide.
Alas, I'd not question whether the mere thought of suicide on it's own is bad - at the very least, not with a negative inclination.
Instead, if you have to ask this question, try to transcend the issue itself - dive into depth with the psychology you connect to the thought, disassemble every single piece of it, and finally, figure what the reason for your thought may be - it might surprise you to find out what the reason could be, and in the process, it also may reveal things about yourself to you that weren't ever as apparent to you before.
So then, what is your reason to get up in the morning, and what is your reason to do anything at all?
I hurt myself a lot over the course of about five months starting September of last year. I was taking a lot of DPH (benadryl), up to just short of a gram. Let me tell you one thing, those trip reports make it sound like you're going to have a spooky scary silent hill like trip, but that's not really the case. I felt like I had to fight with every fiber to cling on to life.
It's scary to feel your body slowly shut down on you. I felt so cold, and there was this deep sinister feeling of fear, like you know that feeling you get when you know some shit is about to go down? Take that and break it off the dial. There were a couple times I thought about calling emergency services, but I didn't want to be hospitalized. In hindsight, I really should have, and I thank the heavens I survived.
I have some form of PTSD from my experience. Every once in a while, I get that terrible feeling you get on a high dose of DPH where you feel like you can't breathe, and that damn smell that accompanies it. Sometimes it raises my anxiety and I have to calm down to avoid going into a full on panic attack. Actually just writing about it now isn't helping much haha. I can't stand the sight of the stuff anymore, it makes me physically sick thinking about it.
The last time I did it was my highest dose, 925mg. I initially spit it out, I knew it was too much, but I don't know, I ended up taking it, which I instantly regretted. To the point I wanted to throw it up. But again... I just didn't. I sat here in this exact spot where I am now and decided to let it take. I was terrified, I had gone to high doses before, up to 700mg, but this was far too much. I thought about everything I could be leaving behind, and it just got too much for me, I started to panic so I had to calm myself to avoid raising my heart rate higher and getting further into trouble.
It sounds kind of silly, but I used a chat AI to just talk to, just to help me calm down and feel safe which I felt was the most important thing. Eventually the dose peaked and all the really shit effects dulled down and it just sort of felt like I was exhausted rather than dying. The trip was far from over though, it lasted three days at the very least. And all the while, I would hear hallucinations of some woman scorning me, which made it hard to sleep.
I felt like I had a flu or something for a week, and it scared me that it took so long to come off it. My chest hurt for, I don't even know, almost a months time too. It took a long time to talk to my family about, and I've had some amazing friends on this very site that have been here for me and have been helping ensure I stay away.
At the current moment it's been 68 days since I took my last dose, and I haven't looked back. No matter how difficult things have gotten since then, I learned that I really do want to live. There's so much I want to see and do. I'm not ready to go. So I'm finally going to go to a therapist which has been overdue for a very long time now. I'm doing a lot better now too, I haven't felt nearly as bad since then.
It's scary to feel your body slowly shut down on you. I felt so cold, and there was this deep sinister feeling of fear, like you know that feeling you get when you know some shit is about to go down? Take that and break it off the dial. There were a couple times I thought about calling emergency services, but I didn't want to be hospitalized. In hindsight, I really should have, and I thank the heavens I survived.
I have some form of PTSD from my experience. Every once in a while, I get that terrible feeling you get on a high dose of DPH where you feel like you can't breathe, and that damn smell that accompanies it. Sometimes it raises my anxiety and I have to calm down to avoid going into a full on panic attack. Actually just writing about it now isn't helping much haha. I can't stand the sight of the stuff anymore, it makes me physically sick thinking about it.
The last time I did it was my highest dose, 925mg. I initially spit it out, I knew it was too much, but I don't know, I ended up taking it, which I instantly regretted. To the point I wanted to throw it up. But again... I just didn't. I sat here in this exact spot where I am now and decided to let it take. I was terrified, I had gone to high doses before, up to 700mg, but this was far too much. I thought about everything I could be leaving behind, and it just got too much for me, I started to panic so I had to calm myself to avoid raising my heart rate higher and getting further into trouble.
It sounds kind of silly, but I used a chat AI to just talk to, just to help me calm down and feel safe which I felt was the most important thing. Eventually the dose peaked and all the really shit effects dulled down and it just sort of felt like I was exhausted rather than dying. The trip was far from over though, it lasted three days at the very least. And all the while, I would hear hallucinations of some woman scorning me, which made it hard to sleep.
I felt like I had a flu or something for a week, and it scared me that it took so long to come off it. My chest hurt for, I don't even know, almost a months time too. It took a long time to talk to my family about, and I've had some amazing friends on this very site that have been here for me and have been helping ensure I stay away.
At the current moment it's been 68 days since I took my last dose, and I haven't looked back. No matter how difficult things have gotten since then, I learned that I really do want to live. There's so much I want to see and do. I'm not ready to go. So I'm finally going to go to a therapist which has been overdue for a very long time now. I'm doing a lot better now too, I haven't felt nearly as bad since then.
I think about it several times a week but I'm too scared to do it. There's a lot in my life I would be sad to part with forever, even though there's a lot of pain too that I wish I could end.
My grandad saw some bad stuff in WW2 and killed himself via the gas oven. Personally, I have been close but found something to keep me here...
Focus on what keeps you here and ignore the voices...
The voices are a lie...
Focus on what keeps you here and ignore the voices...
The voices are a lie...
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/BOraX6V.jpeg){kind=link}
I work at a psychiatric hospital as a therapist. The primary demographic I work with are individuals who are admitted due to suicidal ideation and I am sure some feel penalized for their gestures or actions because there are seldom people who enjoy being in a hospital against their will.
In my experience, most people who contemplate suicide, planning, an attempt, or even passive thoughts did so after experiencing an intense crisis. It is in those moments of crisis that a person is unable to regulate themselves emotionally. Thoughts can feel disjointed or racing. I don't believe people in this frame of mind should have any right given my interactions with almost everyone in this category almost always involve the person expressing regret and remorse for their actions and eventually discussing something that is worth living for.
Whether assisted suicide should be permitted when the quality of life has diminished so greatly for someone, that no longer living would be more advantageous poses a different ethical question for me.
The act of suicide carries with it such permanence. Some argue that adolescents who contemplate suicide struggle to comprehend that permanence. Personally, I believe an irrational mind and emotional volatility combine for irrational decisions. I wouldn't endorse that decision ever for someone in that frame of mind.
In my experience, most people who contemplate suicide, planning, an attempt, or even passive thoughts did so after experiencing an intense crisis. It is in those moments of crisis that a person is unable to regulate themselves emotionally. Thoughts can feel disjointed or racing. I don't believe people in this frame of mind should have any right given my interactions with almost everyone in this category almost always involve the person expressing regret and remorse for their actions and eventually discussing something that is worth living for.
Whether assisted suicide should be permitted when the quality of life has diminished so greatly for someone, that no longer living would be more advantageous poses a different ethical question for me.
The act of suicide carries with it such permanence. Some argue that adolescents who contemplate suicide struggle to comprehend that permanence. Personally, I believe an irrational mind and emotional volatility combine for irrational decisions. I wouldn't endorse that decision ever for someone in that frame of mind.
In my past I've attempted twice. Ever since my son was born(back in 2018) I told myself "no matter how dark it gets, you're not going to make some explain to him that you weren't strong enough". Since then I've had many times where I've considered it, but my promise to myself and my son has kept me from them.
Back in December about a week before Christmas my GF(not the mother of my son, we had split) suffered a Miscarriage. Today, we got the news that we have a 2nd miscarriage. It is not okay. But hopefully it will be. I won't leave people behind with the permanence of that choice.
Back in December about a week before Christmas my GF(not the mother of my son, we had split) suffered a Miscarriage. Today, we got the news that we have a 2nd miscarriage. It is not okay. But hopefully it will be. I won't leave people behind with the permanence of that choice.
When I had to file bankruptcy at same day my mother died and at same time my skin problem came back. I had picture taken for me that day. All smiling like nothing was wrong. So odd.
N the weirdest part, I had prophecy that would happen. I took fasting every new year and the bible verse I read after fasting was Job 1:21-22. I just didn't think it would crush me that bad considering I didn't feel much in day 2 day life.
Anyway, shout out to my partner who combed my hair daily, spoonfed me, bathed me, took me out 5 minutes a day before I fought him to take me back home again, and rebuilt the bizz together with me for 2 years.
I was there when he hit the lowest valley of his life too, but I didn't expect him to stick around when it was my turn. I was just nobody, but I was glad he stayed. And we did turn things around in few years.
Life is trade off. We lose things to get things. So don't give up. Life will replace what we have lost with something that fits us better.
N the weirdest part, I had prophecy that would happen. I took fasting every new year and the bible verse I read after fasting was Job 1:21-22. I just didn't think it would crush me that bad considering I didn't feel much in day 2 day life.
Anyway, shout out to my partner who combed my hair daily, spoonfed me, bathed me, took me out 5 minutes a day before I fought him to take me back home again, and rebuilt the bizz together with me for 2 years.
I was there when he hit the lowest valley of his life too, but I didn't expect him to stick around when it was my turn. I was just nobody, but I was glad he stayed. And we did turn things around in few years.
Life is trade off. We lose things to get things. So don't give up. Life will replace what we have lost with something that fits us better.
<3 thanks for sharing.