Bring Back the Goat

It seems like Torn is going through some tough times these days. Between the noobs getting shafted left and right by ched nerfing all their income, the nonstop scammers we hear about on an almost daily basis who then go on to try to plead innocent. . . The pain and injustice of losing people. We can only handle so much loss and pain.

My heart breaks for the Torn community.

It is for this reason that I come to you guys bearing a solution. I have the answer. We need a champion! A Torn City champion! Who could undertake such a task though? Who could possibly arise to this challenge?! To be the bringer of justice, love and peace?

Is it Ana? Queen Ana, seizer of the thone, dominatrix of Uncle?

Could it be D3vl? Outspoken community advocate with a heart of gold and passion for the game?

Perhaps Lat, with her arsenal of GAKs who could lead us through rebellion to the promised holy land?

You may be thinking THE_FERRET, the one and only lord of the forums. . .

Those are all solid ideas, thank you for coming up with them. You're doing great, buddy.

I had a different leader in mind. My plan is a multistep process that guarantees us the greatest leader of our time. . .

Step 1. We import Millions of pounds of dirt. Billions even.

Step 2. We create a giant mountain in the middle of the city with the dirt.

Step 3. We hollow out the center of this mountain. "For a kick ass secret base!!!???!!!" I hear you ask?! No, Doctor Doom, but great idea! Its for step 4. . .

Step 4. We import all the lava from Hawaii and pour it into our mountain. . . Tada! Volcano.

Step 5. We begin sacrificing people who have made this game their main game.

Step 6. Our lord and savior, Autistic_Dragon hears our cries and heeds the call! His otherworldly strength returning to him through our persistence and dedication!

Step 7. ???

Step 8. Prophet.

What do you guys think? Of course its a good idea, a great idea even, so I understand the discussion is going to be less about the actual plan and more about the actual math behind how many tons of dirt needs to go into a volcano.

If I have learned anything on the forums it’s that people got way too much time on their hands.

Exactly enough time to create volcanoes and sacrifice people.

Fair enough, I’m sold.

No.

Jesus left Torn city to die a long, long time ago. That coward took one look at what we had to offer, and left us for dead. He is unfit for anything but obscurity. . .

Autistic_Dragon on the other hand. . . It was our own hubris that drove him away. We were the problem. We were unwilling to accept our flaws. This could have been his main game, Cheb. It could have been his MAIN GAME.

Now we must atone for this lawless hell we have made for ourselves.

I thought this thread was going to be about Michael Jordan

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Only thing I think is you need to change your name after this post.

Ill always credit you for the idea I just came up with.

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Although I do have a list I want to throw in the volcano.... although tempting...nope can't.

The kind of ideas that arise after a good ass fat blunt. Love it.

Alright look.

I have 2 dirty xanax, a poker chip, and a crumpled piece of paper in my pocket.

Whats it gonna take to get you to throw a few people into the hole?

Can I haz ur stuff? Oh I thought this was a quitting post! Carry on

Those are four of the worst possible options. They're more along the lines of the 4 Horsefaces of the f**kopalypse in Torn than anything else (4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse didn't sound inclusive enough.)

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Instead, what if you picked people who have or do contribute to improving Torn for others?

Here are a few better suggestions.
1.) oraN
2.) Anomalousman
3.) Unique
4.) Space
5.) Andyman

Good sir, you forgot the true hero of this story in your list. . . Autstic_Dragon

The real question the Torn community needs to think about is this, who gives a flying or non flying, you choice, f**k?

If you really feel the need to drop to your knees and chug other players, do it in private. We don't need to see this shit... Load image: sick

For sacrificing anyone to a volcano, doesn't it need to be a virgin? Last we heard, Autistic_Dragon had been swept away from Torn by a girlfriend. You are assuming he is still one.

And where in Torn would we find a replacement virgin to sacrifice if he isn't?

There are so many problems with this idea my friend. Re think it and come back tomorrow with a new solution. Here's your new ticket. #41685. Proceed to Line G and fill out Form R-180 in triplicate and resubmit. Thank you. NEXT!

You a dickhead fam ?