Help needed

How do I help someone I know who is being threatened with her video from her ex and is telling her to stop communicating with others and come back to him if she dont do it he would kill or endanger everyone she knows? Shes now tring to cut everyone off to ensure our safety and is now going back to him even though shes being forced and she said she got no choice

Police would be a better bet than a game forum. There are also domestic abuse hotlines, that will guide the victim through scenarios common to domestic abusers. 

If he was stupid enough to send the messages over text or Voicemail the first thing she should do is go to the courthouse & file a TPO (temporary protection order. )   Assuming you're in the U.S. Aus or UK etc  & your laws work that way. 

I would then advise her to use that time & have the police present while she removes her & her kids ( if she has any) belongings from the house. & reach out to family or friends for a temporary place to stay while she re-assesses her life & financial circumstances that would let her depend upon being reliant on an abusive piece of shit for your livelihood. 

The problem with situations like these as a Leo myself the woman refuses to press charges for whatever reason.

 I'm assuming that her family has already told her to do so and haven't and he is looking into other options...

I have one at work now an ongoing domestic situation woman claims she's been beating on for 17 years by the same man she told us about it and yet refuses to press charges but wants us to escort her everywhere. 

Our hands are tied due to legal issues when they don't want to come forward and take the appropriate steps.

Yeah, I know man. My original unedited post said something about many women I've known who go running back into the same arms of the same men who beat devalue & humiliate them. & the mental blocks they have that keep them running back into those situations. 

In the early years when they had fewer options & things were distorted to protect these assholes. I get it. But in today's world there's not really an excuse. & sad to say it gets to be an annoyance to others involved/ around who have to keep helping them with these same precautions when the solution is so easy & obvious IF you're able to think & rationalize clearly. 

& it's not that some of these women are naive or stupid. I've met some that are VERY far from it. So they need to ask themselves what's the mental hangup that makes them feel they're not worth the love of anyone other than an abusive asshole who gets off on having people in their life that the abuser is only happy to support, as long as they're able to control & abuse the victim.  

Your post is a mess to try to get some clarity from. 

That said, this is a better question for your local law enforcement, attorneys, and domestic violence advocates. 

While I love that you're expressing concern, you should be careful to keep it at arms length and encourage interaction with appropriate resources (above), so as not to be drawn into a domestic yourself. They can get very dangerous very quickly with little warning. You can be supportive without being a primary party to the incident. 

Additionally, the answers you are looking for depend a great deal on where the person is in terms of advocate organizations, shelter/safety resources, things like protective/no contact orders, revenge porn laws, extortion laws, criminal/terrorist threats, domestic violence laws, stating intent vs having the ability to execute on that intent, etc. 

Not to talk down to anyone, but I should also add that the ages of involved people sometimes play a role too. Teenagers can be super high drama and really escalate things like this. All the passion and none of the wisdom of experience. 

No one on Torn has the right information and context to advise you properly other than to redirect you to the appropriate offline places for this kind of thing.

I'm going to recommend that this post be deleted (best) or graved at the least, not because it's malicious or anything. This simply isn't the right place to get what you need. 

(Self-reporting my own comment for staff attention to the thread)

Seems like a tale as old as time. There's always the option to get a PFA or TRO or whatever the locality's version is. She loves him, or she's afraid of him getting mad if she gets him in trouble, or she doesn't want to get him in trouble to keep the peace, or whatever number of other reasons. 

What can OP do? Well, not much more than giving her moral or material support, because it's going to have to be her that decides what to do. She's not being forced and she does have a choice. Going back to him is a choice. Going to the police is a choice. Seeing a lawyer is a choice. Asking her friends and family for help is a choice.

Terroristic threat laws will generally cover any sort of threats of violence to her or others, and considering how much communication is being done via texting, I'm guessing there's a pretty well documented history to prove it.

I'm guessing the video is intimate and that's why she doesn't want it to be shared? Revenge porn laws vary by state, but in nearly all of them, taking a video of someone in that manner and then sharing it without their consent in an attempt to harass them is a slam dunk. It gets a bit murky if she is the one who took the video and sent it to him, but even then in many states this is illegal as well.

Unfortunately though, it seems she's already made her choice. 

[image: i.imgur.com]

Apparently Faether disagrees with the idea of women getting out of abusive relationships. 

well if i were her go to the police and block this person on everything. 

Unfortunately though, it seems she's already made her choice. 

Spoken like someone who doesn't even remotely understand domestic violence victims or the mental shit that goes on in a situation like that. 

And your comment is spoken like someone who believes women are incapable of having any agency.

Maybe that's how you do things over there in jolly ol' Sco'land, but here in the U.S. we're at least supposed to pretend that we're all equals, and just because you let someone stick their dick in you doesn't mean they own you.

She made her choice, and that choice was to continue being a victim despite all of the alternatives available. At least others and myself offered some information or options. What do you have to offer besides "Shucks! She's f**ked!"?

f**king bozo.

And your comment is spoken like someone who believes women are incapable of having any agency.

No, its spoken like someone who has familiarized with actual research, not some idea of what a women "should" be. 

Maybe that's how you do things over there in jolly ol' Sco'land, but here in the U.S. we're at least supposed to pretend that we're all equals, and just because you let someone stick their dick in you doesn't mean they own you.

I live in the US. 

here, I typed in to google.com: "Domestic violence, why do women stay", educate yourself: 

https://ifstudies.org/blog/eight-reasons-women-stay-in-abusive-relationships

https://ncadv.org/why-do-victims-stay

Its not just women, men stay in abvusive relationships too. But this thread is about a woman, so... 

She made her choice, and that choice was to continue being a victim despite all of the alternatives available. At least others and myself offered some information or options. What do you have to offer besides "Shucks! She's f**ked!"?

Please read the links above, and apologize to your wife for being the way you are. 

Breaking down arguments into chunks because you're too stupid to engage with the argument as a whole? Check.

Linking to random op-eds that don't actually refute anything said because you're too stupid to use your own words? Check.

Baseless accusations begging and fishing for clapter from the peanut gallery? Check.

f**king bozo. Apologies to anyone who's met you for having to pretend they're talking to a 5 year old any time you're in the room.