[Closed] Unhinged staff application - FHC prize!

bogie announced staff applications for Helper are now open through August 31 at 23:59:00 tct

Problem is the position requires using desktop to access Torn and I just can't be arsed.

So, I present a competition for most unhinged responses to the staff application questions!

Update: not full sure how I'll be doing the can participation prizes bc bumping started. I was hoping this would complete without bumping, but here we are lol. Also I had a typo, I meant 23:59:00 tct :P

Update: FHC prize unlocked!

Update: moved DP prize down to 20 entrants and added 2 more prize tiers & added chat ignore caveat to entry rules.

Rules

1. Choose at least 3 questions from the staff application announcement
2. Answer them here with your most unhinged answers
3. Answers should be honest, but exaggerated for maximum shock factor 
4. Applications to this contest close August 31, 2025 at 23:59:00 tct
5. I will choose the winner based on who I feel has the most unhinged answers
6. Open to everyone, including current and potential staff
7. Accounts fedded before end of contest will be excluded from the prize pool and if their entire unlocked special prizes these prizes will be removed from the prize pool
8. Entrants who cannot recieve items from me due to chat ignore agree by entering this contest that if they win, their prize(s) may be sent to them via Lady_White's courier service
9. Memes as answers are allowed
10. Direct messaging me with your responses is allowed (if will post them on behalf of you and mark you as "anonymous" on the public entry list)

Prizes

1. Of the entrants who answer 3+ questions, the prize will be 1 drug pack, given to whoever I feel has the most unhinged answers
2. If I get more than 10 entries I will add a feathery hotel coupon to the prize pool and drug pack will be for second place (FHC prize unlocked!)
3. If I get more than 20 entries I will add a donator pack to the prize pool, and fhc will be moved to second place, and drug pack to 3rd place 
4. 100 entries unlocks 1 keepsake out of my display cabinet (IceColdCola keepsake excluded) or item of similar value (to be announced).
5. If I get more than 300 entries I will add a full max FHC 99k jump to the prize pool: 2 poison mistletoes, 9 fhcs, 16 Xanax (4 to stack with, 12 for insurance), 1 ecstacy and 6 erotic DVDs for the entry price. I'll be buying these with DP money if we get to this point. All other prizes will be distributed in descending order. I will explain to the winner how to use the items.
6. 25-energy can to the post(s) with the most R+ at end of contest - undecided how many posts will be considered for this, but at least 5% of the entries? (Equivalent to 1 per page of thread with no bumps)

Bonus prize

Of those who answer all 11 questions, an additional prize of 1 erotic DVD will be distributed for the most unhinged responses 

Questions (pick 3 or more)

Copied with permission from bogie

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?

2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?

3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react? 

4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?

5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? 

6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?

8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?

9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)

10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?

11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?

Entrants

Winners

Most unhinged: LaughTale [3874311]

Derrick-Idaho [3790588] (hasn't been online in 15 days, deferring prize to second place winner)

Prize: Feathery Hotel Coupon

Second place: Lady_White [2676391]

Prize: Drug Pack

Most unhinged with all 11 questions answered: LaughTale [3874311]

Prize: Erotic DVD

Most R+ (6): E_S_Holmes [3850156]

Prize: Can of Rockstar Rudolph

Event Logs

Load image

Thank you everyone for your entries! This was an great competition with some amazing entries that really showcased Torn's artistic talents ❤️

1. Order must be maintained. A mod’s job is simple: keep the peace, enforce the rules, and if chaos rises… crush without hesitation.
2. Matter of fact, I'm blind in my left eye and 43% blind in my right eye I don't see much of nothin'.
3. Game is game 

4. This place isn’t just a game, it’s a living, breathing organism fueled by greed, betrayal, and deceit. Want stability? I'll forge it in fire and fear if need be.

5. Chat 3.0 is dogshit and where tf is the new pyro crime?
6. Torn's community only understands the language of strength. Make sure everyone knows who's got the gun, and voila: positive and fair evniroment.
7. I know Torn’s rules like a predator knows its prey. Players choke on their own ignorance, twisting rules until they snap. The real law is fear.
8. My goal is to become the nightmare that keeps Torn in line unseen, unstoppable, and unforgiving. I won’t just moderate, I’ll hunt.
9. My japanese smart toilet
10. Lol
11. I learned that only absolute control keeps the darkness at bay. 

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?

A. I am a domineering control freak who compensates for a lackluster life by maneuvering into positions of power in virtual space. I need to feel important, both for my control issues, and to combat my unacknowledged depression issues. The most important responsibilities of a moderator is to obsessively scour the forums looking for any signs of insurrection and general negativity so I can virtue signal and look like I care. It's very important for people to believe I'm doing a good job while also minimizing the work I actually do, that way when I have a week of severe depression burnout and can't function, it's easier to hide behind a lie thst makes me look good for neglecting my responsibilities. 

2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?

A. Two powerful players were on opposite sides of a private argument that was (thankfully) shared publicly for everyone to witness. Naturally, I shared my uninvited opinion on the subject without wasting precious time investigating the "facts." Several losers got offended (because they are dumb and probably of [insert currently marginalized group here] persuasion. They started placing bounties on me and I spent the next 4.5 days in the hospital. Obviously, their reaction proved my point and I made a lengthy post with the help of AI to call them out and share the logs. There's currently 12 pages of responses to my post, proving thst people really care about my position. I carry a lot of influence since and since I'm a 30 day veteran, people trust that I know what I'm talking about.

3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react? 

A. That depends. If I like the player, the player's faction, or the player's allies, I will make a show of support to signal that I am an ally. It's important to have allies who know how to manipulate the system while staying on the rifht side of the line. If, however, the guy is a total tool and I hate him, I'll spend weeks taking screenshots of anything I can use to build a case that this player is a cheater and probably has multiple accounts. It's important to discredit and ruin people like that whenever you discover them, that way they never use their skills against you.

4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?

A. The biggest challenge to the staff right now is stupid players. They complain about all the stuff I like and see no issues with the stuff I hate. The solution is simple: manufacture scenarios whereby these idiots take actions I can then screenshot as justification to fed them. Once they are out of the way and only right thinking people are playing Torn, the staff will have a much easier time advancing our agendas without pushback.

5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? 

A. The community is divided between haters and people I like. The haters complain about everything, so there's way more than one update that's brought them to the forums. When I am in charge, I'll simply flag their complaints as combative hate speech until they go away. This will simplify the whole process of arguing and make the forums a better place.

6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?

A. The Torn community is a wonderful paradise infested with losers. Reminding these losers that they are not welcome here, fedding them as often as possible, and building a cult of personality around right thinking people will force these bad elements out and encourage a more prosperous and positive environment for those of us who belong.

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?

A. I totally get the gist of the rules, like don't get caught with multis, keep threats to Discord VC only so there's no actionable log, and haters should be forced out. I know there's other stuff Ched was forced to include for legal reasons or whatever, but no one ever reads those. They just keep the wokies from canceling our game, so whatever. The rule most frequently misunderstood is the rule that says noobs don't belong in the chat rooms or forums. This is evidenced by the number of times veterans have had to place endless bounties on a noob to force them to quit the game. It's an epidemic that the staff can't handle alone, requiring vets to step up and assist. It may be time to sever access completely for accounts under 400 days and 30 levels (except me, obviously) just to ensure these noobs get the hint that they don't belong in my game.

8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?

A. My primary goal is to gain as much prestige as possible for the least amount of actual effort. So I'm totally down to advance. Ideally I would have a paid position where all I have to do is read forums and post warnings when I don't like someone's opinion. Id really like to be paid enough to be entirely self sufficient so I can get my own place and still buy my 20 DPs per day.

9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)

A. I play on a modded TI-82 graphing calculator. Everyone knows the app was made for losers who are addicted to their phone. I sometimes use the computer, like when I'm watching porn between hits in RW chaining, but I prefer to sit in the recliner with my calculator most of the time.

10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?

A. Easy. Once we get rid of all the undesirable people as mentioned above, we make sure to advertise only on sites that cater to the right kind of people. When the majority of recruits think like I do, the environment feels a lot more inclusive and positive. 

11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?

A. I have lots of experience as a Totally Rational Online Logical Lifer, meaning I spend the majority of my waking hours logged onto forums where I craft thoughtful posts to correct wrong thinking. As a veteran T.R.O.L.L. I have learned that some people are simply born retarded and cannot ever learn right thinking. It's sad, but true. Therefore the best thing to do for the health of the community is to destroy their credibility and then ban them. This not only removes their cancer, but also provides an example for other wouldbe retards who might sneak in.

1. I'm a little sheep and my biggest responsibility as mother sheep or is my responsibility to watch out for predators that prey on my lambs! That is why I must be vigilant and ready to ram any bullies!
2. One time at Bandcamp, someone stuck a trombone up their butt! That's why I call it boning.
3. A fox just outside the fence you say? I watch them menacingly and stomp my hooves!
4. I believe the Torn staff are too busy trying to herd all the little lambs, they need to trust the flock and focus on reinforcing the fence and keeping predators out! 
5. Recent changes??? How about the misleading advertisements in social media! This is not an underworld crime game, this is gacha game where the only thing that matters is pulling a big red whip!
6. Impression of the community??? We're a divided flock, sheep move from pasture to pasture but they are punished by the herders! To create a fair environment, let us open up the pastures and let the sheep graze together! No more punishment for temporarily changing pastures!
7. Torn rules?? I was reported for impersonating a kitty! These are predatory mind games and the shepherds are the real sheep 
8. My goal? Open the pastures and wool for all!
9. I eat grass, sometimes leaves 
10. Pet the sheep 
11. Experience yes, I am well versed in the art of leading. I once had to ram a shepherd because they were looking at my lambs a bit too much. I learned that sometimes, you need to bite the hand that feeds you

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?

I want to be a helper so I can flex on these nerds, and the most important responsibilities are of course, shutting down every bumbi post, making fun of noobs for being in the wrong forum, and forgetting what I was doing every minute or so.

2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?

I think some guy was bitching about some guy being annoying. I responded by giving them a downvote and saying ok. He probably just got bountied some more, learn to deal with it next time, noob

3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react?

I would go “Oh yeah, you got this! This is a great idea! You think creating 12 multies might not be allowed? It’s allowed, don’t worry :D”. I’d then laugh when he got fedded

4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?

I think if they added a goddamn event (elimination any day now!), they’d be good for a while. I would help by trying to shut down every goddamn plan on how to do it, then blame it all on some random staff member, probably another one of the new guys.

5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? 

I think the bigger problem is the lack of updates. I would have not only joined into the complaints, I would have tried to start them!

6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?

The community and culture are community and culture’y. I would just ban the wrong person in every fight.

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?

Torn has rules!? Are my 17 multies not allowed!?

8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?

My goals are, 100 people rage-baited, 100 people forum banned, 100 people posts deleted, and try as hard as I can to forum ban Bogie for a week, just to see how crazy it would get

9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)

You’re telling me play Torn on my car while driving isn’t right?

10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?

By promoting a negative and exclusive environment 

11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?

No, but I won a basketball tournament when I was 10

Answered: All 11 - I want that erotic DVD and I’m not ashamed

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?
   
   I want to be a helper because I’ve been studying chaos theory and I think it’s time someone applied it. The most important mod responsibility is making sure people are confused, slightly afraid, and aware that you’re always watching... even if you're not logged in.
   
   You won’t see me coming. You won’t hear me leave. But you’ll know I was there when silence returns.
   
   
   

2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?
   
   Noticed a player spreading misinformation about faction stats. I compiled the evidence, alerted staff, and watched scepticism spread among the chat. The rumour died before damage occurred.

    

   I don’t need praise. I need access. Give me the keys and I’ll make the noise disappear.
   
   
   

3. I f you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react?
   
   I’d open a Word doc and start taking notes like I’m writing a biography. Eventually, people like that give you exactly what you need — and when they do, I’ll strike so clean it’ll feel like a magic trick.
   
   I don’t want a title. I want influence. Lurking in logs, living in whispers, enforcing without ever entering the room.
   
   
   
4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?
   
   Fatigue from nonsense. Most reports are noise. I’d help by filtering the real issues from emotional overreactions. Facts, not feelings. Staff are battling burnout, inbox wars, and the emotional damage of reading forum posts that begin with “Not trying to be rude but…” I’d help by replacing help tickets with a BuzzFeed quiz titled “Are You the Problem?”
   
   I don’t want to be visible—I want to be inevitable. Quiet, constant, unshakable. I’ll be the reason they hesitate before hitting send.
   
   
   
5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction?
   
   When the crimes 2.0 roadmap dropped without a date, people lost their minds. I would’ve added a fake ETA just to see who started countdown threads. Then banned whoever made the first "delay" meme.
   
   I don’t want applause. I want results. Let others talk. I’ll maintain order and make sure the wolves know who’s in charge.
   
   
   
6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?
   
   This community is 60% cynics, 30% sociopaths, 9% sleep-deprived grinders, and 1% people who actually read the Wiki. I’d keep it “positive” by making sure the sociopaths stay entertained and the grinders stay afraid.
   
   

   I won’t be loud. I’ll be effective. That’s all you need.
   
   
   

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?
   
   I know the rules like a sniper knows wind speed. The one people get wrong the most? "It’s only scamming if..." No. If you’re asking that question, you’re probably banned already. So, doesn’t matter. If intent is malicious, enforcement is deserved.
   
   I won’t shout. I’ll wait. And when the line is crossed, I’ll already be there.
   
   
   
8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?
   
   My goal is to become a myth. I want my name spoken in chat like a cursed artifact. I will monitor global chat like a crow perched on a power line. Watching. Waiting. Occasionally striking without mercy.
   
   I don’t want to rise. I want to haunt. Promotions are temporary. Influence is eternal.
   
   
   
9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)
   
   Desktop. Mobile is for civilians. Moderating on mobile is like defusing a bomb with oven mitts. I respect it, but I don’t do it. If you’re moderating on mobile, you deserve hazard pay. 
   
   I’m here to enforce order through confusion, strategy, and memes. Let chaos fear me.
   
   
   
10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?
    
    Same way a lion keeps order in the savannah. Presence. Consistency. Teeth.
    
    I’m here to make the shadows behave. Give me the tools, and I’ll make sure Torn stays messy, but never out of control.
    
    
    
11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?
    
    Yes. Discord, PvP strategy servers, and forum games. I’ve moderated spaces where chaos bled from every post. I didn’t restore order. I rewrote it. Muted the loud, erased the arrogant, and whispered warnings into inboxes like bedtime stories. What did I learn? Mercy is inefficient. People only test limits when they think the guard’s asleep. But they behave better when they don’t know what you’ll do next.
    
    I’m not here for the spotlight. I'm here for drama & the DVD. But if you hand me the badge, I’ll turn background noise into confessions.
    
    
    

Bumping to allow for more entries (this post had dropped to page 2)

Bump - 5 more entries for second prize added to the pool

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?I want to be a helper obviously because of the POWER and Authority that comes with it and unleash vengeance upon all those that have wronged me!  The most important responsibility is to NEVER waver in imposing fear and terror on the peasantry that is the Torn populace.

2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome? Plenty of times that I've witnessed rule-breaking by seeing hundreds, if not thousands of shitposts in the GD forum and the most stupid noob questions that tear the very fabric of my tolerance.  I responded to this wrongdoings by doing the only decent thing which was to troll them, belittle them, bounty them, dox them, and personally insult them with profanity-laced slurs and insults that would make even Andrew Dice Clay shy away.  The outcome was that the mighty hand of my justice prevailed.  i mean, i was fedded multiple times and banned and arrested irl but that is the price of justice, right?

3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react? As a helper I would give SE's to any mercs that would permahospt these hooligans. then I would perm-fed them for at least a month.  You see? I know this is trick question because there is NO such thing "toeing the line" or provoking without breaking the rules... What's right is right and these punks are wrong and must be taught a lesson

4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?  Biggest challenge to Torn staff is learning to take off the blinders of "trying to be fair and do the right thing"...  So I would address them by teaching them that, so what if you wrongfully perma-fed someone? No need to waste time investigating nothing!  you perma-fed and whatever collateral damage there is doesn't matter... they are probably guilty by association anyways.

5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? The ONLY controversy that I am aware of that sparked any reactions from players was the Snowman's hat taking sooooo long to be brought back.  As staff I would've encouraged an outright revolution and have every single player attack bogie or princess julie because we know they are always the culprits and I KNOW FOR A FACT they were hiding the Snowman's hat because my brother (who knows Karate!) told me so.

6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?  I HATE the community, the culture, the fact that they even exist.  The only way to maintain a positive and fair environment is by unleashing wrath.

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?VERY familiar.  I read the GD forum everyday.  rules are simple: don't shitpost.  Don't post if under a year old, and don't post anything that is going to piss me off.   that last one is the most misunderstood by players.  They think they can post whatever they want and don't realize that if they are not with us, they are against us.

8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role? My personal Goal is to rule with an IronFist to bring order back to Torn.  Then drain the swamp of current staff members, and eventually take over the whole thing as supreme leader. you know, just a simple guy here with humble dreams. Oh and I like kittens and ponies.

9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)  My brother's computer but I am not allowed to look at his porn stuff.

10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment? By including only my friends, my brother of course because as I already mentioned he knows Karate.  and teach everyone to be positive by agreeing with me or face a perma-fed.

11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it? um...  well...  there are still a few active cases pending in various courts so my lawyer said I am not allowed to discuss them BUT generally speaking, i learned that you must take out the biggest guy first and no matter what, don't let anyone make you their b*tch.

Dear Boogers, 

I am very interesting in doing your job for you, unpaid obviously.

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?

   • I want to be a helper because it's in my blood. It wasn't originally but when I saw someone help an old lady across the street, I took theirs. Needless to say, I've been helpful ever since
   • The most important responsibility for me, personally, is removing all those people using feet pics to get ahead. I will bring hoof supremacy to Torn.
2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?
   • Nice try, you're sting operation won't get me. I reported it, no abetting here.
   • This resulted in a small statue being commission in a Amazon raining forest, this unfortunately never came to fruition as we lost contact with the construction team
3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react?
   • Anonymously send them a message that would push them over the line and immediately chat ban them.
4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?
   • The fact I'm not on Staff
   • I'd join staff after playing hard to get for 3 millennia
5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? 
   • I changed my profile picture, several people died of dehydration and Ched had to release chat 3.0 to accommodate my inbox. I responded by extending the hem of my dress by a centimeter and told everyone to take a cold shower.
6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?
   • That we hate new people. Bounty fees will be waived when placed by a player older than a year on a new player. And the value will be doubled if said player made a stupid post in GD.

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?

   • I'm very familiar with the rules, whenever I see them flash red, I immediately click on them and read them because red arouses me so much and I need to read the rules to bring me over the edge.
   • I think people are getting abetting wrong, we are not fedding everyone who gambles, please stop self-excluding yourself and definitely spend points on token refills.
8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?
   • Turn Torn into a cult towards me. I have no interest in progressing, I'll just bring everyone down below me so I'm still on top.
9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)
   • It used to be PC but then I convinced my nana the quickest way to warm up bath was to take a toaster in with her. Now I use the smoke from her charred corpse to send signals directly into Virgin Media's satellite.
10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?
    • I would allow anyone who wanted to bend the knee to do so. Except for the following groups of people:
      • Anyone who isn't at least a 27 (based on my own scale of attraction)
      • People who think feet are better than hooves (I'll allow My hooves > feet > other hooves)
      • The French - unless you're serving me a Pain au chocolat, but make sure you're
11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?

• • Every time, I was called a motherf**cker by a ten year old, I went and shagged their mother. It's important that kids understand the importance of their actions online and I personally follow the logic of if I'm being accused of it, I might as well do it.

I would say I hope you'd consider my application but in the time you've read this, I've already took your job, and as my first act, I'm approving my application as a helper.

Sincerely, Lady White

frequent forum poster's staff application

i dont expect to win this but like hey why not im bored

also not THAT unhinged but uh enjoy

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?i want to be helper to get access to the helper forums so i can send memes in response to serious posts created by people of higher position than me for karma from the staff. I believe the most important responsibilities of a moderator in torn is to post memes in general discussion and karma farm through goofy replies.

2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?I have seen serious cases of rule breaking through not having the 'suck ur mum's mentos' option in polls created throughout the forums. I responded with a reply to the post along the lines of: "erm.. R- for not having suck ur mum mentos poll option, what a goober." and watching my karma go up by 3 (i think that karma stat gives you crime experience or something, i forgot)

3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react? I would give them a downvote on their most recent forum post.

4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?I believe the biggest challenges torn's current staff faces is not making karma associated with gym stat increasing. I would help address them by making every upvote increase all 4 gym stats by 1b each and each downvote 1b each. This would clean up the forums or at least allow us to beat up shit-posters (not shitposters).

5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? I dont look at updates because that doesnt get me karma.

6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?My general impression of the Torn community and its culture is downvoting and bountying people who make a forum post that is below the hidden standard

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?I am familiar with all of the forum rules and i know really crappy posts made in the wrong category get enforced by getting moved to the right category, or worse.. the graveyard. I think a frequently misunderstood rule is that general discussion actually needs to have discussion or you're getting reported and R- before you can say the word karma.

8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?my personal goals as a mod would be to grave every single horrible post that even slightly breaks the rules as quick as i can. 

9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)whichever device i send 'i aint reading allat' meme quicker to a forum poster that forgot paragraphs

10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?I would R- people who are not being positive and inclusive in the forums

11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?i moderate reddit so id say i have enough forum experience to mod torn forums

if you actually read through that whole thing then wow u have a crazy attention span

no tldr hahahahahaha get rekt

Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?

I want to be a helper so that I can delete any negative comments about me. The most important responsibilities of a moderator is to delete key information in forums so that the post no longer makes sense. This is important as I will laugh.

Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?

When I am faced with a conflict I follow a simple guide to create peace. First I check if the person i have a problem with is powerful. If not then I presure their faction leader to kick them then bounty and hosp them until they leave (no opposition means peace). If they are stronger then :(

If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react? 

If I saw a player almost breaking the rules then I would create multi accounts and frame them for having multiple accounts. Then I would report them and lagh to myself as they get banned. (For legal reasons this is not what happened to chedburn)

What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?

I believe that the biggest challenges Torn's staff currently face are broke people. Broke people contribute $0 to torn and spam GD with bad threads. I would suggest that any blue name player can spend $1 to ban any freeloader for a month or spend $5 to perma ban them.

What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? 

Item market 2.0 was has sparked many negative opinions.People seem to not like the new bazaar system so I will be removing teh bazaar botton from people's profiles and the bazaar directory. People also seem to not like pay 5% more in teh item market so we can trash teh item market too. I would make it so that the only way to purchase items will be though 3rd party scripts. I know this might be unpopular as people don't like scripts so we will be changing your api keys without warning so that you have to make a new one every day.

What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?

If there is anything I have learned from torn it is that people disagree about everything!!! This can lead to conflict which is bad(I want to protect farmville). To help solve this issue I will be banning all opinions. Everyone must be indifferent about everything. One this rule is put in place there will be no need for future updates as nobody will care about them. All staff can focus on making sure everyone follows the rule. 

How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?

I have occasionally looked at the rules and I think that people misunderstand that when torn staff say that multiple accounts are not allowed they are reffering to the exestence of more than one account at any time. The only person who is allowed is Chedburn as he is [1]. I will help solve this problem by banning every additional account including my own.

If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?

If I am accepted I would then be very interested in pursuin the cashing of my paycheck.

What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)

I play on my samsung smart fridge. 

How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?

I would promote a positvie and inclusive environment by being as non-inclusive and negative as possible.This is because "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction" - some dude. So by beign negative and mean I hope that all of torn will band together to stand up to my tyranny.

Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?

I feel that I was a roblox mod in a previous life and from that experience I have learned that the best way to moderate a community is to not do anything.

1 more entry to unlock FHC as prize for first place!

Bumping back to page 1

Bump.

1 more entry to FHC prize unlocked

Next entry unlocks Feathery Hotel Coupon prize for 1st place. Only need to answer 3 questions! My super secret voting system of "is this unhinged" is not dependent on how many questions you answer 🙃

1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn? I want to be helper that way when someone asks me any question at all I can tell them firmly that there is a wiki for a reason, the most important responsibilities of a moderator is to insinuate roots in every chat they have access to.

2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome? I had a friend come to me and tell me in a private matter that he thought someone was cheating, so I told my friend that snitches get stitches and blocked him.

3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react? I would tell him he's doing a great job and jump in start provoking everyhody with him.

4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?  The biggest and obvious challenges torn staff currently face is walking around with our enormous, earth shattering, size of our Johnson's. I would help address the challenge by handing out rolls of duct tape so we could tape them to our thighs.

5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? I'm not sure about changes recently sparking strong reactions from the community cause I don't care what others think, but if I did I would help fix the cry of outrage by handing out folders full of feet pics to every single player to help calm they're nerves.

6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment? My impression of the torn community is either love or hate and I would help contribute to it by getting rid of the love and bringing in more hate and drugs.

7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players? I don't look at the rules who pays attention to rules just a bunch of hosers.

8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role? My personal goal would be to make sure every player is given a entire ounce of cocaine to help fuel them to play and spend more money on the game, but it's not actually cocaine cause that stuff is expensive so I'm just going to cut it with crystal meth and extra strong laxative. I would love to make my way up the chain of torn staff so I could then become a dictator and make everyoney salve in game.

9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?) I don't actually have any of those I've recently started playing on my 1999 Honda civics radio.

10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment? I would promote a positive and inclusive environment by segregating everyone by race and gender then there would becno fighting ever again.

11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it? Yes I do I run a feet pics forum on internet explorer that I have ran for the past 32 and 3/4 years I loved it since day 1 I've learned that you can make money off of literally anything someone is destined to buy it. 

Thank you for taking your time for reading this application I hope you stub your pinky too 5 times consecutively have a terrible day!! 😘

Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn? 

 -Because anarchy must be crushed and idiots must be publicly humiliated!  Moderators must stamp out idiocracy as completly and quickly as possible! 

Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?

- I've witnessed several multi accounts and quickly reported them and gleefully swam through their tears of anquish!

If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would yoanguish!

- Well duh, push them until they break the rule so I can squash them like a bug! 

What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?

- The biggest chalets for torn staff is the fact they have too many people "toeing the line". See previous questions awnser ;)

What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction? 

-Torns recent taxes to sales struck a nerve in the community.  And I would have addressed it the sane way Torn staff did.... Give them the middle finger and move on. 

What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?

- Torn is full of cry babies who think they deserve everything handed to them on a platter. I would ensure they knew what to do with said platter....

How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?

- Not at all.  I think there are rules they choose to ignore in the name of ignorance. 

If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?

- My personal goals works be to be the biggest dick,  I mean, to be the best moderator and stop all the shenanigans I could... I love standing up for people and stopping bullying and cheating

What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?) Mobile duh... How else would I be on 23 out of 24 hours??

How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?

-i would promote community events that involved bringing everyone together to work together. And then charge them a fee for the opportunity  ;)

Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it? Other games? What are "other games"? I've moderated several discord servers though :)