Just venting

I'm just using this space to vent because I don't have anyone in my offline life that plays or understands this game. 

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I am so tired of being tired. I feel like a ball and chain to my faction. I keep missing wars, I don't have the energy for chat, yet I can't bring myself to leave. 

About two years ago an ultrasound found a small mass on my pancreas and possibly gallbladder. Things went sideways for me pretty quickly after that. Now my kidney has a mass on it, and my liver is being affected too. I am hoping this isn't a death sentence, but I feel like the walking dead. I'm always exhausted, barely able to keep my eyes open, I've lost an unhealthy amount of weight and I just want to sleep all the time. 

I feel like a burden. I want to talk with my friends, I want to participate, I want to go back to collecting bottle caps (seriously, if anyone is reading this check my display case). I want to respond to the absolute mountain of people I've left on read for the past half year. I just cant. It takes an embarrassing amount of effort just to log in and train, use my nerve, join OC's and collect stock dividends. 

I just don't know what to do. Im trying to keep my chin up, but I spend most my time nested in bed if I'm not dealing with medical appointments. 

Like I said, just a vent. Getting this off my chest a bit. 

If anyone is reading this, there's people that love you and I hope you're having the best day you can. 

<3

love you, jade ❤️

Wow! That is an impressive bottlecap collection!😲🤩

Sending love jade.  Wishing you the best and hope things get better for you.  ❤️

there is a lot of information available. now more than ever.  look into more healthy living so when you need to fight this thing, whatever it is, you will be better positioned to do so.  everything is bad for you pretty much, even too much resting.  

Vegetables, Fruits, Grains and moderate or more exercise is good for you.  And vitamin/nutritional supplements can be taken to support your health.  If you are deficient in something your body will start failing in some odd manners.  It's pretty much this small list that is definitely good for you. 

For example, they recently discovered that if you are deficient in a couple vitamins needed for your intestinal lining health, and you use too many cleaning supplies, the cleaning supplies get absorbed directly into your bloodstream through this thinner weaker intestinal lining and you can die.  Everyone is aware we need calcium for our bodies to make bones, as we recite it constantly to get kids to drink milk.  But the other vitamins and nutrients are also needed for various systems.  If you have not already, get some unexpired vitamins, also you can talk to a nutritionist.  

You may want to simplify your meals reducing sauces and other unnecessary things your body is processing.  Sometimes you can feel amazing eating something boring like Brown Rice and beans without anything fancy in the mix.  (also it's very affordable) There was a series called "Limitless" that explored fasting (Disney+).  The norm for eating habits may themselves be a bit unhealthy, I personally do not feel we need three meals a day, or to eat without fail each day. 

For exercise, even walking and cardio like arm circles gets your blood moving which is needed for health.  If you rest too much you get blood clots and other health issues beyond that.  Don't give up, look into things.  I don't have answers, but as I mentioned you cannot just rest, so whatever exhaustion levels you feel, do some activity each day.

I am including a video that is not "the be all answer"  it is just something I recently watched about doing exercise after you eat, and some easy exercises.  I like the science along with simple constructive advice.

anyway Vegetables/Fruits/Grains/Vitamins and exercise, and use all the wealth of information out there, goodluck

YouTube video zg3GBH6fG2I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg3GBH6fG2I  

missing you, jade. my heart hurts.