Squirrels?

I have an important announcement.

After conducting several hours of extremely serious research (I looked at the forums for 11 minutes), I have come to the conclusion that Torn is being controlled by squirrels.

Think about it.

You attack someone? Squirrels.

You get mugged? Squirrels.

Your bazaar doesn't sell anything for 6 hours? Squirrels.

You wake up in hospital with 2 HP and no idea what happened? That's not a mugging. That's a squirrel with a personal vendetta.

I also believe the squirrels are behind the economy. They artificially inflate prices, buy all the cheap shit, and then sit on it until someone gets desperate enough to pay 400% market value.

And before anyone says "Problematic, you're an idiot,"
YES. Obviously. But have you considered that this is EXACTLY what the squirrels WANT you to think?

Wake up, Torn.

The walls are furry.

The trees are watching.

The squirrels have guns.

I will not be silenced.

Is someone paying you to make shit threads?

Edit: Ah, it's a Global chat leak. That explains it.

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Thanks for alerting GD to a scammer popping back up though. Back at home in Global. Thought I recognised the name Pastatute.

A worker stole my company

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Shut up

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This is facts 💯  lmao 🤣 

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DO NOT try to discredit me. I am going to find the truth.

SHUT IT DOWN

I came to the same conclusions with my own independent research. Honestly, OP is brave for coming forward with this.

Every time I go to bed my 5% Smurf gets swapped out for this. Squirrels.

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Brotha, this is at least the second bad shit post I’ve seen from you today. Get it together. 
[image: iili.io]

Sorry, but Torns resident squirrel has been perma banned for about half a year or so now.

“hi every1 im new!!!!!!! *holds up spork* my name is katy but u can call me t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m!!!!!!!! lol…as u can see im very random!!!! thats why i came here, 2 meet random ppl like me ^_^… im 13 years old (im mature 4 my age tho!!) i like 2 watch invader zim w/ my girlfreind (im bi if u dont like it deal w/it) its our favorite tv show!!! bcuz its SOOOO random!!!! shes random 2 of course but i want 2 meet more random ppl =) like they say the more the merrier!!!! lol…neways i hope 2 make alot of freinds here so give me lots of commentses!!!!
DOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <--- me bein random again ^_^ hehe…toodles!!!!!

love and waffles,

*~t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m~*”

I've suspected this for a while.

You didn’t succeed against the Woogs and now it's the squirrels you are against? 

they don’t fight back. Stick to the woogs.

You made me hate squirrels now, you fuck. 

The woogs have been gone for months. I'm on to real investigations now.

You weren't even on Conspiracy Theorists, and you are few weeks late for shitpost like this.
What's the matter with you, karma deficient?

wow thats nuts

I was actually an Inanimate Object, it took me a while to gain full sentience. 

Squirrels also manipulte halloween weapon, idk but too soon for winter ? I stick with bonesaw then 😎

Omg this guy IS telling the truth.