My fellow citizens of Torn City,
Thank you. Tremendous crowd. Absolutely tremendous. I look out and I see grinders, traders, fighters, real winners — the best players, frankly, the best city in the entire game.
Today, I officially announce:
I am running for Mayor of Torn City.
And our slogan says it all:
MAKE TORN GREAT AGAIN.
Because let’s be honest — Torn used to be great. It really did. Back when money meant something, crimes paid properly, and you didn’t wake up in hospital every five minutes. Sad!
When I’m Mayor, things change. Big league.
Now, I’ll be very honest — very transparent, the most transparent campaign Torn has ever seen.
We’ve had some very unfortunate losses in campaign funding.
Some key contributors are gone.
Charlie Kirk — tremendous guy, very vocal, we are all Charlie Kirk — no longer contributing. Sad.
And Jeffrey Epstein, the New York financier — very wealthy, knew everybody — also no longer available to donate. Total disaster.
So now, the campaign turns to YOU, the people of Torn.
I’m asking for small donations — very small — whatever you can spare:
- A few million
- A few hundred million
- A billion, if you’re feeling patriotic
Every dollar goes directly toward:
- Campaign operations
- प्रचार (very classy)
- And possibly a very nice Private Island headquarters
Together, we will make Torn safer.
We will make Torn richer.
We will make Torn so great that other cities — imaginary cities — will be jealous.
So donate.
Support the campaign.
Vote Trump for Mayor of Torn City.
MAKE TORN GREAT AGAIN.