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Volume 039: "A TALKING BEE, A DRUGGED CHILD, AND VERY RELAXED PARENTS" - below
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"Artificial intelligence is used solely for formatting and some fictional adverts due to a lack of clients. I am a fallible human being"
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The Dumpster Oracle
Section: Miscellaneous Events & Other Disasters
A TALKING BEE, A DRUGGED CHILD, AND VERY RELAXED PARENTS
By our field reporter, paid in Italian erotic DVDs
"I gave morphine to the black bee and he called me dad. I think he had a rough childhood… or I have a secret child. Either way, it’s a problem."
Testimony from an anonymous whale
Torn Dump - 06:42 AM
An unusual incident, even by Torn City standards, was reported early this morning at the municipal dump. A five‑year‑old child was seen capturing a black bee in a cracked jar, then offering it a lollipop found on site.
According to witnesses (mostly unionized rats), the bee demanded its release using a buzzing dialect not yet documented by local linguists.
![[image: i.postimg.cc]](https://i.postimg.cc/fbsPR10c/Dumpster-Oracle.png){kind=link}
Illustrator (Dumpster Oracle)
The Child and the bee at the dump.
Even more surprising, according to these same witnesses, was that the lollipop was perfectly edible. Let us thank [insert advertising name here for only $100,000!] for providing the finest lollipops in this city.
The child, identified only as [***** **** **********], reportedly said: “I think I took mom’s LSD.”
Health authorities confirm that this sentence has become the unofficial motto of the stumbling junkies who frequent the dump.
An Unprecedented Diplomatic Exchange
After a brief negotiation, the child released the bee, which then allegedly assigned him a name “for services rendered.” We remind readers that insect‑assigned names are not yet recognized by City Hall but may be if enough citizens sign the petition currently circulating.
The bee, described as “black, jittery, and probably more sober than the child,” reportedly declared:
“You shall walk among men bearing my name.”
Toxicology experts believe this statement is either a sign of advanced intelligence or a mutation caused by irradiated blood, both hypotheses considered “plausible” by Torn’s scientific committee.
Discovery of Two Very Relaxed Parents
Shortly after the incident, the newly named BeeBlack was seen leaving the dump toward the port, after waving goodbye to his parents lying on the ground with frozen smiles.
Emergency services confirmed that the parents were:
“In a state of extreme relaxation, resulting in an indefinite cessation of bodily functions.”
According to municipal archives, this is likely due to the joy of raising one of Torn City’s rare children.
The bee reportedly reassured the child by saying:
“They’re very happy. Let them sleep.”
We remind readers that medical advice given by insects should not be followed without consulting a professional who has at least completed an introductory biology course.
A Promising Future
BeeBlack was later seen running toward the port, carrying a packet of unidentified pills. Witnesses said he appeared “enthusiastic, energetic, and dangerously optimistic.”
Local authorities announced they would “monitor the situation from afar,” which is standard procedure.
Does LSD Allow You to Talk to Bees?
Curious as always, our editorial team contacted the university to ask whether similar cases of children taking LSD and speaking to bees had been reported in recent decades.
According to Professor Douglas Mcmacburger:
“The increased use of stimulants by children whose brains are still developing creates a surprising mutation of the AVPR1a and LRRN1 genes, which enhances cognitive and emotional empathy. Although this does not significantly explain the transformation of buzzing into understandable words during hallucinatory phases, this discovery highlights an adaptive mutation in the city’s children, likely compensating for a lack of parental affection. Longitudinal studies are underway; we will have results in 20 years.”
Being a serious newspaper, we also asked him for the figures on infant drug consumption and the number of children speaking to black bees (cf. Fig.1).
![[image: i.postimg.cc]](https://i.postimg.cc/NfzYLGgf/Image1.png){kind=link}
Fig.1
Correlation between the number of children under 8 consuming LSD and cases of inter‑species communication over the past 8 months
Curious as always, our editorial team notes the trend lines above track each other with unsettling precision, a correlation the university has declined to call causation, on the record.
Torn City surprises us every day. Some say the city is cursed. Others say it’s alive. But one thing is certain: When a bee starts naming children, the day is going to be long. And when it’s long, it’s productive. And productivity is the lifeblood of our city’s war machine.
The Dumpster Oracle Editorial Team
![[image: www.hebergeur-image.fr]](https://www.hebergeur-image.fr/uploads/20260716/4c1b5300d4b15d9e387db8275fef29d6c50f4b28.png){kind=link}
![[image: www.image-heberg.fr]](http://www.image-heberg.fr/files/1784253964988282972.png){kind=link}
