Two whales are swimming in the ocean when the come upon a whaling ship.
The one whales looks to the other and says "HEY, thats the ship that killed my brother!"
The other whale says "What do you wanna do?"
The first whales says, "Alright, here's the plan; were gonna go to the surface fill our lungs full of air and go right underneath the boat and blow as hard as we can! Our air will flip the boat and all the men will fall in the water and drown!"
Second whale says "Okay, lets do it".
So they get their lungs full, they dive down beneath the boats hidden from the whalers. They blow as hard as they can and flip the boat with literal ease.
The whales swim back and watch as the men struggle to survive.
The first whale looks to the second and says "Man, they really aren't drowning like I wanted them to, we've got to do something!"
Second whale says, "Okay, what would you like to do?"
First whale says, "Lets eat them!"
Second whale stops him and says "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I agreed to the blow job, but i'm not swallowing the seamen."
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table -- whole!"
"Sorry," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar with his pet monkey, again. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. The monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it.
The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Yeah," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures stuff first."
A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”
St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line.
It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" The first fellow does just that. The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"
After 35 years, mailman George decides to retire. On his last day, he makes his usual rounds.
When he arrives at the first house, the whole family comes out, congratulates him, and sends him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they present him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house hand him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the next house, he is met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She takes him by the hand and leads him up to the bedroom, where she blows his mind with the most passionate sex he has ever experienced.
When done, they go downstairs, where she fixes him a giant breakfast. As she pours him a cup of coffee, he notices a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this is just too wonderful for words," he says, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she says, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' But breakfast was my idea."
[RECRUITING] Fibonacci Looking for that awesome faction that actually helps you instead of being a number? Fibonacci [1.3mil+ respect] offers Xanax for active low levels and top chainer, Meds, Candy Boosters, +10 travel items, +9% gym gains, reduce drug addiction 50% and and rotating nerve/crime success with booster cool down; and a tight group that will teach you the game. All we ask in return is you willing to actually learn the game with our guidance and your activity. Apply today. :)
slight modification, Right now the only harden minimum req is that the player must have donate status on their account. roughly costs 24.5million for 30 days.
If you have any questions about joining Fibonacci please let me know either through mail or in game DM.
Fibonacci offers guidance to all players (especially newer ones) to gain interest in the game and teach them how the game is played. Fibonacci is not one of those 100,000 respect faction filled with passive players. We play the game. Together.
We Offer:
Access to Faction vault for drugs and gear. Access to Faction Vault for safe banking system. Active and diverse members to interact with. Opportunities to generate resources via joint ventures In game mentoring that will speed up your learning and make you stronger faster.
EXCURSION
Travel capacity X
Increases maximum item capacity while travelling by +10
Reduces rehabilitation costs by 4%
STEADFAST
Increases strength gym gains by +9%
Increases speed gym gains by +8%
Increases defense gym gains by +9%
Increases dexterity gym gains by +8%
TOLERATION
Reduces drug addiction gain by 26%
Reduces passive negatives from drugs and addiction by 15%
At this small church in a small town, there was one particular member of the congregation called Maureen who was a real gossip and viewed herself as responsible for maintaining the congregation's morals. People didn't really like her but they were too afraid of her to say anything.
Then one day, a new member of the congregation called Bill left his pickup parked all afternoon outside the town's one and only bar. Of course this was spotted by Maureen who accused Bill of being an alcoholic and told him and the other members of the congregation that everyone who saw his truck there would know what he was doing.
Bill didn't talk much at the best of times, and here he didn't say anything at all. He just stared at her for a while and then turned and walked away without trying to come up with any explanations or excuses. Later that evening, he parked his truck outside of Maureen's house and left it there all night.
She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!"
The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!"
The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"
On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon."
God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth."
"But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?"
"Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbors I am going to give them."
Anything other than -redrawing would be unfair for those whom donated their items. Since the person is inactive, their prize should be forfeit, and then rest of the people in the pool should have a chance at it.
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