elputojack: forum

it'd be nice if each poker table had its own top 10 leaderboard with:

• most money won
• most money lost
• best session
• most hands played
• best average money won/days played

and idk what else..!

Currently Slow Cooker ($1b) is a good transition table betwern Cat's Chance ($500m) and High Rollers ($2b)

But it so rarely gets action because no one wants to be stuck in 30 seconds wait in every. damn. turn.

So, why not make Slow Cooker get the action it deserves by shortening its turn time to 15 seconds?

It would get much more action for sure.

Make Slow Cooker Great (again?)!!

[image: i.imgur.com]

The Five Great Poker Clans

Long ago, five great Poker Clans ruled the realm:

The Earth Shapers, known for their stone-faced bluffs.

The Fire Callers, aggressive and relentless with every hand.

The Air Nomads, unpredictable and elusive in their strategies.

The Water Weavers, fluid and adaptive players.

And the ancient Donkey Clan, underestimated fools to most—but those who truly understood saw their chaotic style as a form of genius.

Peace reigned at the Grand Table, where the clans met each year for the Tournament of Balance. But that peace shattered when the Fire Callers cheated the Great Game, rigging the deck to dominate the world and silence the other clans.

The only one who could bring balance back to the game was the Elemental Gambler—a legendary player said to master the styles of all five clans. But he vanished.

A century passed.

Juan Valdez, the donkey rider

In a forgotten mountain village, a young man named Juan Valdez made a living hustling travelers with his trusty companion, a stubborn donkey named Conchita who could sense lies and tilt before the cards hit the table. One day, when a traveling Fire Caller tried to con the village, Juan stepped up. In a single hand, he called a bluff with nothing but a pair of twos—and bent the air itself to scatter the opponent’s cards.

That day, the monk-dealer Kairo declared what few dared believe:

“He is the Elemental Gambler reborn.”

Now, Juan must travel across the realm, learning to master each poker style:

From the stone tables of the Earth Shapers, where stillness wins.

Through the volcanic pits where Fire Callers burn their chips with wild raises.

Across sky-bound casinos of the Air Nomads, where every hand is a puzzle.

Into the deep rivers of the Water Weavers, where reads flow like currents.

And finally, into the sacred paddock of the Donkey Clan, where pure chaos reigns, and losing a hand might be the best move of all.

As the final Tournament of Balance approaches, and the Fire Callers prepare their ultimate cheat—The Red Deck, a weaponized set of cards forged in shadow—Juan must gamble everything.

His gold. His pride. His very soul.Because this time, the stakes aren’t chips. They’re the fate of the world.

Brak Jack vs Juan Valdez

They said no one beat Brak Jack at poker—not in the Firelands, not in the Crater Casinos, and definitely not in the Ember Saloon, where the table itself was carved from a cooled lava slab.

But tonight, a stranger sat across from him.Juan Valdez, dusty boots on the rail, sun-worn hat tilted low, and beside him... Conchita, a weathered donkey with eyes like ancient galaxies.

Brak Jack grinned like a landslide. “One hand. Winner takes the pot. And the donkey.”Juan smiled slow. “She plays better than me. You sure you wanna risk it?”

The cards were dealt.Brak Jack: A♠️ A♦️ — Pocket Aces.

Juan: 2♣️ 7♦️ — Offsuit. Garbage. Beautiful garbage.

The flop hit:2♠️ 7♠️ 9♦️

Juan blinked. Two pair—twos and sevens. A fighting chance.

Brak Jack showed nothing, stone-faced.

The Turn: 9♣️

Brak Jack shoved all in. Juan glanced at Conchita. She didn’t move—but her left ear twitched. He nodded.“Call.”

Brak Jack grunted and flipped his cards.

Aces and nines. Big. Strong. Winning.

Juan laid his down: Sevens and twos.The room leaned in.

The River: 2♦️Gasps. Then silence.

Juan’s hand was now: Deuces full of nines. A full house.

Brak Jack’s? Still just two pair.

Brak Jack stood slowly, staring down at his cracked hand, as Conchita let out a single, thunderous bray.

The torches flickered. The table split down the center with a crack like judgment.

Juan tipped his hat. “The hoof has spoken.”

He walked out, donkey in tow, as legends began to form behind him.

[image: i.imgur.com]

Hearing offers

3. elputojack

yesterday?

Followed advice, lost 5b

Looks like ex gf pair of Titi

Frenzy it is time you ought to know the truth.

Your Hidden Luck Stat is very low.

Ways to improve it are: praying a lot, donating money to church.

My stat is very high because I was sub for 1.5 years. So I can afford to suck in Poker and still have a positive net profit.

not talking about 3 lottos won

Hi, please look up "bankroll management", you dont wanna play at HR with 2b only.

This chat 4.0 looks promising

In what number of the "a million ways you could write this" are you currently?

What a time to be alive, when we have live poker commentary in Poker forum

You are no playing very well at all, and it has been pointed to you on multiple occasions in this very topic

Are you happy playing this and writing all this?

I am going to assume you have been playing since you started Torn so it's a 2 month downswing at most?

Downswings can last much longer. Save your complaints for later!

if only i had the money

Nice diss track analysis of Torn Poker players. Gotta love the shredding descriptions of some players.

Good luck & hopefully we meet at Cat's Chance.

Torn Series Of Poker status: waiting for WeedPsycho to host another tourney...

Welcome back Lord Vong.

can relate to all of them

uhmm... i think originally these tables were meant for the actual TSOP, but currently they're being used for weedpsycho's shootout tourney, but the TSOP tag stuck in the tab