Well... after many warehouses burned, people shivved in dark alleys, questionable investments, and somehow not getting mugged into bankruptcy, I've decided to retire.
And I've also decided to stop playing Torn.
Rather than quietly handing everything to a few people, I thought I'd have a little fun on the way out.
The Challenge
Imagine I've decided to invest my entire fortune into a brand-new business in Torn.
The only problem?
It has to be an absolutely terrible idea.
I'm looking for the funniest, most ridiculous, completely impractical business proposal you can come up with.
Pitch it as if you're trying to convince investors that it's destined to become the next billion-dollar empire.
Rules
One entry per player.
Keep it reasonably clean and within Torn's rules.
Not too long — a single brilliant paragraph can beat a five-page business proposal.
Bonus points for fake slogans, pricing, testimonials, financial projections, or investor pitches.
Judging
I'll be judging based on one simple question:
Which idea made me laugh the hardest?
Extra points for originality and commitment to the bit.
Prizes
🥇 1st Place – Two Billion 🥈 2nd Place – One Billion 🥉 3rd Place – 500M
Also about 200 Xanax and other shit to give if fancy takes me.
Deadline
Entries close on 2026-07-18
Winners will be announced within 48h after that
Thanks to everyone I've met over the years. Torn has given me far more entertainment than I ever expected when I created this account, and this seems like a much more fitting farewell than simply disappearing. P.S: No I do not keep my 6 billion net worth as spare change, mugging me won't get you rich.
Good luck—and may your business fail spectacularly.
After hours of heated deliberation, the committee has reached a decision, and it’s now time to announce the winners.
I did not specify ‘‘no AI’’ in the rules, so entries that were clearly written by AI were not outright rejected, but points were reduced. I kept the entries active because the person still had to have an original idea for the prompt.
Honorable mentions:
PeelDeal - Ekewalls
Good vibes, sent a Donator Pack
Hospital²™ - Krisid
Liked the concept. Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Brown Box Courier Services - Boneless
Would be a fun prank irl. - Sent 100 Xanax + 475M for a Private Island for being a good sport.
Russian roulette replacement company - Nameremoved
Because midgets. - Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Prostitution - Moron
Kept it short, no AI, makes a good point. - Sent 80 Xanax
TornDash - Suenami
Solid presentation, nice wordplay, logo. - Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Legal Scamming - Zolieth
Honest scamming - Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Torn Recovery Hotline - Dagiano
Because it’s good to remember what sunlight feels like - sent a bunch of drugs
Catholicism - Jesus Christ
Nothing personal, I just have PTSD with the christian church. - Sent Dog poop and toilet paper
Contest winners:
The Really Funny Explosions Program (TRFEP) - Mr-Chuckles - 500M
Because Chaos
The Mirror - Prierka - 1 Billion
A solution to the loneliness epidemic
Morale Upgrader - Quackquack - 2 Billion
Because winning an argument with a stranger on the internet is more precious than gold.
And because I still had money left over:
The quest for more Tissue boxes - Woodenickle
Not really a business idea, but I respect passion projects - Sent one Billion for Tissue Boxes
Stairway to Heaven - Raikunsai
Idea is ok, but Raikunsai looks like a nice person, and is a new player. - Sent one Billion.
On this note, thanks everyone for participating, I will now take my leave.
After hours of heated deliberation, the committee has reached a decision, and it’s now time to announce the winners.
I did not specify ‘‘no AI’’ in the rules, so entries that were clearly written by AI were not outright rejected, but points were reduced. I kept the entries active because the person still had to have an original idea for the prompt.
Honorable mentions:
PeelDeal - Ekewalls
Good vibes, sent a Donator Pack
Hospital²™ - Krisid
Liked the concept. Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Brown Box Courier Services - Boneless
Would be a fun prank irl. - Sent 100 Xanax + 475M for a Private Island for being a good sport.
Russian roulette replacement company - Nameremoved
Because midgets. - Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Prostitution - Moron
Kept it short, no AI, makes a good point. - Sent 80 Xanax
TornDash - Suenami
Solid presentation, nice wordplay, logo. - Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Legal Scamming - Zolieth
Honest scamming - Sent 5 parcels of random stuff
Torn Recovery Hotline - Dagiano
Because it’s good to remember what sunlight feels like - sent a bunch of drugs
Catholicism - Jesus Christ
Nothing personal, I just have PTSD with the christian church. - Sent Dog poop and toilet paper
Contest winners:
The Really Funny Explosions Program (TRFEP) - Mr-Chuckles - 500M
Because Chaos
The Mirror - Prierka - 1 Billion
A solution to the loneliness epidemic
Morale Upgrader - Quackquack - 2 Billion
Because winning an argument with a stranger on the internet is more precious than gold.
And because I still had money left over:
The quest for more Tissue boxes - Woodenickle
Not really a business idea, but I respect passion projects - Sent one Billion for Tissue Boxes
Stairway to Heaven - Raikunsai
Idea is ok, but Raikunsai looks like a nice person, and is a new player. - Sent one Billion.
On this note, thanks everyone for participating, I will now take my leave.
Well... after many warehouses burned, people shivved in dark alleys, questionable investments, and somehow not getting mugged into bankruptcy, I've decided to retire.
And I've also decided to stop playing Torn.
Rather than quietly handing everything to a few people, I thought I'd have a little fun on the way out.
The Challenge
Imagine I've decided to invest my entire fortune into a brand-new business in Torn.
The only problem?
It has to be an absolutely terrible idea.
I'm looking for the funniest, most ridiculous, completely impractical business proposal you can come up with.
Pitch it as if you're trying to convince investors that it's destined to become the next billion-dollar empire.
Rules
One entry per player.
Keep it reasonably clean and within Torn's rules.
Not too long — a single brilliant paragraph can beat a five-page business proposal.
Bonus points for fake slogans, pricing, testimonials, financial projections, or investor pitches.
Judging
I'll be judging based on one simple question:
Which idea made me laugh the hardest?
Extra points for originality and commitment to the bit.
Prizes
🥇 1st Place – Two Billion 🥈 2nd Place – One Billion 🥉 3rd Place – 500M
Also about 200 Xanax and other shit to give if fancy takes me.
Deadline
Entries close on 2026-07-18
Winners will be announced within 48h after that
Thanks to everyone I've met over the years. Torn has given me far more entertainment than I ever expected when I created this account, and this seems like a much more fitting farewell than simply disappearing. P.S: No I do not keep my 6 billion net worth as spare change, mugging me won't get you rich.
Good luck—and may your business fail spectacularly.
This guide is the impostor, it gives the wrong answers. For the good answers, go to: https://www.torn.com/forums.php#/p=threads&f=61&t=16310740&b=0&a=0
10:41:09 - 14/12/22 You created a Parcel containing 1x Blood Bag : O+ 10:42:47 - 14/12/22 You sent 1x Christmas Present to Someone with the message: This is a present that came from my heart. Literally.