DrewMunson: forum

01:09:55 - 02/11/25 You bought an MP 40 (Revitalize & Warlord) on the item market from Sky at $50,000,000,000 each for a total of $50,000,000,000
01:17:35 - 02/11/25 You deposited an MP 40 (Revitalize & Warlord) into 39th Street Killers's armory

I’m far too stupid to see the obvious truth that an 18 year old who starts playing today will have had 60 years of playtime by the end of his life - the same amount of playtime an 18 year old who started 20 years ago will eventually have and the same amount of time an 18 year old who starts 20 years from now will have.

I really can’t think of any reason that I’m not #1 other than the fact that others have a 20 year head start, because of course I’d otherwise be in the top 0.0001% of players (that’s one in a million), even though I’m not even in the top 10% of anything!  I’m just such a delusional fn clown!

—————-

You want to beat everyone else?  Whiners will never get there, trust me, so step 1 is to quit your bitchin.  Step 2 is to get good at poker bc you’re going to need money in this game and that’s the fastest avenue.  10% of players are profitable, if you can’t figure out a simple 2 card game well enough to break into the top 10%, then you were never good enough to reach the top 0.0001% of anything.  Once you have enough money for fhcs and refills and a pi, keep grinding with those until you’re in SE range.  If you can use 4 daily SEs for 58 years, you WILL be #1, probably forever, but if you want to cement it further, stop eating Cheetos you greasy monkey.  Eat a healthy vegan diet and you can live to 110.  90 years of SE usage will forever be untouchable.

This game doesn’t need a reset, it doesn’t need a new server, it needs less morons parroting, “new players have no chance,” and if that was you, I hope you can admit that both A) you were wrong and B) no way could someone who overlooks such obvious facts and parrots dumb, logically fallacious nonsense ever have reached #1 anyway.

Every time someone posts the “new players can’t compete” bs, please redirect them here.

EDIT:

Look at the responses in here, lol.  The point just goes right over most ppl's heads.  I'm not even going to bother responding individually, I'm going to put the responses to these idiots right here.  This is why I crush the average person at poker, who doesn't even know the difference between gambling and making profitable long run moves.

Would you consider it gambling if I offered to flip coins with you if I gave you $2000 every time you won the flip, but you only had to pay me $1000 every time I won the flip?  No, that's not gambling, that's just you printing money all day.  Would you like to know a funny fact about that scenario?  I could afford to do that all day, every day with the money I made playing poker for 5 months.  It wouldn't cost me a significant fraction of what I have either.  In other words, poker is even better than that scenario where you're just printing money.

If you don't believe that, I can do the math for you.  On average, I would lose $500 per flip.  It would take 5 seconds to flip the coin and then exchange the money once we got a good rhythm going.  So I'd lose $6,000 per minute.  That's $360,000 per hour.  That's only $8.64m per day, lol, I spend more than that on TRAINS.  I literally pay $800k per train for over a dozen trains per day, lol.  "Gambling," lmao.  Isn't it crazy how the same exact "gamblers" win every week and every month, year after year?  Get real.

Oh and the vegan comments?  Please.  The last study had the average vegan lifespan at 3 years longer even though most of us still live in 3rd world shit holes and are only vegan b/c beans/rice is cheap.  But why believe the numbers when you have eyes?  Every single vegan I've ever met looks at least 10 years younger than they are while half of everyone else is literally obese.  You can go to any vegan dating website and compare with what you see on tinder/grinder, or whatever other dating app you use.  When I meet an overweight vegan, I know they haven't been vegan for very long, I don't even have to ask any more.  I'm married now though, to a vegan who still looks 18.  (Don't bother posting your outlier as a counter example, lol, you know that's 1% of vegans and 50% of everyone else).  You could also google, "when will the world go vegan according to AI" and then "when will the world go vegan according to experts" and then ofc just continue deluding yourself.

Here's the first result from the search according to experts, the last thing Oxford had to say on the subject:

Veggie-based diets could save 8 million lives by 2050 and cut global warming | University of Oxford

I'm sure you guys know better than the leading experts though.  Why trust the data when you have your feelings to guide you, right?  Keep it up, winners, you'll def make it to the top going the way you're going.  I believe in you, timmy!

For those of you who know that the average person has an IQ of 100 and therefore no capacity for logic and doesn't know jack shit (and is posting almost all the responses in this thread), I have something for you.  Read "Excelling at No Limit Hold Em" and then start playing poker at the cheapest possible table until you're ahead.  Keep track of your wins/losses and only play bigger games with the PROFIT from the lower game.  Rinse/repeat, only moving up with profit from lower stakes.  You stick to that and you're guaranteed to either A) lose your buy in at the cheapest table ($2000, LOL) or B) become a billionaire in ~1500 hours of playtime AFTER you get good.  If $2k is really too much to risk, forget it though, lol.  If you end up losing and then continuing to play at stakes that you didn't earn the right to play (with profit from the smaller games) and you go broke, you really only have yourself to blame.  Most ppl don't have the will or the patience.  Most ppl will try, end up losing at higher stakes, and then keep playing those higher stakes, chasing their losses trying to get it back b/c they're lazy and don't want to put in the effort to grind it back up again like a reckless, dumb gambler.  Don't do that.  Stick to the principals in "excelling at no limit hold em" and you WILL become a billionaire eventually, without risking anything other than a $2000 buy in at the kiddie table.  I played for a living for 10 years before covid 19 hit IRL and even I started at the lowest stakes on torn.  I had temporary downswings and when I did, I moved back down and grinded it back up.  I must have gone from the "Pound It" poker table to "River Wizard" a dozen times before I won at River Wizard.  You will get unlucky occasionally but you'll know whether or not it's bad luck or if you're getting outplayed b/c you know when the cards are turned up if you were ahead or behind when you got your money in.  If you find that you're always getting your money in bad, it's not luck and you need to move down in stakes until you improve.  More importantly, acknowledge when a specific player is better than you and try to avoid getting into big hands with him.  Worst case scenario you lose your $2k but you gain experience, which is much more valuable than the $2k.  Don't be one of the 100 IQ clowns in here.  All poker requires is basic arithmetic, the willpower to move down upon losing, the honesty to acknowledge when you're outmatched, time, and perseverance.

There is an achievement for killing someone using only your fists called "Hands Solo" that you can only get in about 35 minutes.  Just make sure the torn date is 04/05/25 (day/month/year for some reason even though torn is supposed to be in the USA).

The poker table.  You can do it too.  Read "Psychology of Poker," "Excelling at No Limit Hold Em," and "The Raiser's Edge" a few times each.  Then play low stakes and don't move up until you can beat them consistently.

It started out super fun.  There was this thread in which everyone was either using the r word or explaining why it shouldn't be used.  Some doucher named PastorJason started spreading his religious dogma.  I went off on the bitch.  Said things like, "how's it make any sense that there were only 62 generations of ppl from Adam to jesus while we have hundred thousand year old fossils of human ancestors?"  And, "if god's the good guy and Satan's the bad guy, why is it that god killed everyone in the world in a flood and you can't tell me of any murders of Satan's?"

I linked to this law of god's which forces victims to marry their rapists:

Marry-your-rapist law - Wikipedia

I stated the fact that their god hands out infinite punishments for finite crimes (kind of like what hemi will later do...), and the nature and magnitude of the crimes isn't even relevant.  Nope, the only thing that matters is whether or not you accepted someone else's death as payment for your own crimes, that's the only relevant thing to factor in when considering if someone deserves eternal torment or not.

Then someone attacked me.  Her name is hemi.  I thought that was f**king gold.  I said to her, "yo someone revived me, attack again."  So she did.  Repeat.  Over and over.  Must have used a xany just to attack me, but I didn't care b/c ppl kept reviving me and she was just costing herself energy.  I was playing poker, didn't bother me none.  Just something for me to do in between hands of poker.

Then she placed the bounties.  "Whatever, for every 10m she pays in bounties at this rate, I'll only have to spend 1m in morphine."  WRONG.

/facepalm

I actually thought I was going to use millions of dollars worth of morphine to get through the bounties.  Medical cooldown is a real bitch.  It was always negligible, I wondered why it was even a thing.  Why put that in the game if you can just use kits until you're out of the hospital?  Maybe it's to prevent you from going all the way to full health, I don't know....  OH....

I didn't feel it until the Boom or Bust poker table broke.  Okay, morphine yourself out of the hospital, buy the stocks, continue waiting for a seat to open up at the Pound It table....  Okay, back in the hospital, so now when a seat opens I wait to take it, morphine myself out of the hospital, OH SHIT THE SEAT WAS TAKEN!  Get hosped again, wait for a seat to open up again... yeah I see where this is going.  That medical cooldown will be full eventually and I won't get to play poker, it's a matter of time.  And it's super inconvenient enough already.  If I didn't have to use the morphine first, I'd have just sold the stocks and I'd be in the game right now.  Probably cost me a hundred million dollars.  Great f**king job, Hemi, WELL PLAYED.  f**k....  She's actually making me regret things.  How the f**k?

I'm actually sitting here, wishing I never talked shit about a sexist, racist, homophobic, child killing god.  Well, christians win.  Grats.  Again, well played hemi, you f**king bitch.

I would be sooooooooo pissed if I spent real money on a game I can't play for a while.  So pissed.  That's about the only silver lining I can think of, besides the fact that I probably got a bunch of christians butthurt.  Oh, and I was kicked from my faction (which I'd only been in for a day and only joined b/c a fellow poker player invited me and we had plenty of interesting discussions leading to it, I didn't even really want to join).  Anyway, get this, reason for being kicked out: Unhinged extremist.  Yeah, b/c it's not extremist to support a genocidal child killer.  Did I mention the fact that he killed 42 children for the crime of laughing?  Yeah, that's 2nd book of Kings, chapter 2.  Anyway, worshiping that sexist, racist, slavery-condoning asshole isn't extreme.  What's *truly* extreme is having a problem with ppl who embrace such sick bullshit.  Right.  Good riddance I guess.  So here are some logs:

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 212.

11:30:06
03/02/25

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 264.

11:30:01
03/02/25

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 329.

11:29:57
03/02/25

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 412.

11:29:52
03/02/25

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 515.

11:29:48
03/02/25

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 643.

11:29:43
03/02/25

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 804.

11:29:37
03/02/25

hemi used stink bombs on your Private Island. Pesky kids! Your happiness decreased by 1,005.

11:29:32
03/02/25

ValorCreed has placed 5 bounties on you with rewards of $350,000 and the reason: NST

11:13:30
03/02/25

TheOrcaMC has placed a bounty on you with a reward of $350,000 and the reason: NST

11:11:28
03/02/25

ValorCreed has placed 5 bounties on you with rewards of $350,000 and the reason: NST

11:10:55
03/02/25

Phish has placed 10 bounties on you with rewards of $350,000 and the reason: NST

10:50:13
03/02/25

Gangster has placed 5 bounties on you with rewards of $350,000 and the reason: NST

10:38:45
03/02/25

Oldnsalty has placed 10 bounties on you with rewards of $350,000 and the reason: Nebula services team

10:24:05
03/02/25

yihang69 has placed 10 bounties on you with rewards of $350,000 and the reason: nst

10:16:13
03/02/25

OptimusGrimeDC has placed 5 bounties on you with rewards of $350,000

10:15:59
03/02/25

ailienmammoth failed to revive you.

10:08:25
03/02/25

ailienmammoth failed to revive you.

10:08:22
03/02/25

hemi attacked and hospitalized you [view]

09:44:30
03/02/25

DocWolf successfully revived you.

09:42:58
03/02/25

DocWolf failed to revive you.

09:42:56
03/02/25

hemi attacked and hospitalized you [view]

09:41:43
03/02/25

LittleMurky successfully revived you.

09:40:18
03/02/25

hemi attacked and hospitalized you [view]

09:32:18
03/02/25

Peperutka successfully revived you.

09:28:29
03/02/25

hemi attacked and hospitalized you [view]

09:22:04
03/02/25

RASCASSO successfully revived you.

09:20:46
03/02/25

hemi attacked and hospitalized you [view]

09:12:28
03/02/25

StolenSoul successfully revived you.

09:05:29
03/02/25

hemi attacked and hospitalized you [view]

09:01:40
03/02/25

It goes on longer, but I don't want to expose the names of past faction or faction mates.

Thanks everyone for the kind words :)

I copy/pasted my stats before posting the screenshot.  I explained how impossible it would be to even copy/paste the stats and change any of the numbers without its fakeness being easily provable, given the time in which it took me to copy/paste the stats.

Then, when accused of faking the numbers for literally no reason even though it would have taken the love child of Rain Man and a court transcriber to do it, I posted a screenshot, again in record time, with the same "fake" numbers which now would also require really fast MS paint skills on top of the Rain Man and typing skills.  If I had those skills... wait a second... why am I convincing you that I don't have those skills?  Go ahead and believe that about me if you want to, that's infinitely more impressive than my 23% ROI at the poker tables given the fact that it's not even remotely possible.

Guys, I'm so very sorry.  I never returned to this after my last post here.  Anyway, I'm back here b/c I posted another thread and ppl accused me of lying and they said that I requested that this thread be graved.

I NEVER REQUESTED THAT THIS THREAD GET GRAVED.  I didn't see that anyone was asking for proof.  But, in the thread I was just talking about, I posted proof.  You can read that thread here:

Questionnaire for Happy Jumpers | General Discussion | TORN

"GRAVED, REQUESTED BY OP"?????

I DID NOT.  Who could have done that?  You're trolling me, right?

jewelry store is down, rob and get that merit

My copy/paste was obviously for real though.  For any number that I would have altered, I'd have had to alter other numbers to make it work or else it'd obviously have been fake.  For example, if my real net profit was only 1b and I changed it to 70b, I'd have had to change my net won and net loss to match.  But I couldn't just change the total to 70b more than, say, 40b, otherwise my 'money won to money lost ratio' would have been way off, so I'd have had to figure out what that ratio was and edit that as well.  But if I were to do that, my ratio would be INSANELY high, something like over 200% average ROI which isn't possible.  Even the greatest pros only have an ROI of between 20 and 30% (which is where mine is).  The average pro is closer to 10%.  You'd have to be the idiot, actually, to think that I faked those numbers so quickly.  Given the time between when you asked for those numbers and when I copy/pasted them, that alone proves the numbers real.  No screenshot was needed.

Given the screenshot though, even if I had MS paint skills good enough to fake that, it'd be insane to be able to make a fake screenshot with the same exact numbers as my "faked" numbers.  Especially given the short time it took to post that.  Which is I suppose why you've admitted to being wrong about me being a liar, I'm glad that's cleared up.

I don't know why I'm getting so many accusations about my poker wins though, I guess what must have happened is this:  I never returned to my last post in the forum in which ppl must have been making accusations.  You took my silence to mean that I must be guilty when the reality was simply that I had lost interest in the thread and never even saw the accusations.  I hope that doesn't happen again, b/c I'm probably not coming back to this thread :(

Okay, I'll play a few more hands at CC and copy/paste it again.  It'd be pretty hard to fake that, right?  I'd have to be a really good number fudger to be able to.

But that probably wouldn't be good enough for you.  So, tell me what you want me to do.

I wanted that weapon specifically.  I saw it all over the forums in multiple threads.  I heard Acepac talking about how great it is.  I saw that it was being whored out for 75m per day.  I saw those who got the fastest 100k chain ever give the credit to this weapon.  They were passing it from member to member, everybody using all their E with it.  I had to have this weapon specifically.  I'll buy another, but first this needs to happen a couple times:

1. I run up a buy in at Cat's Chance to 250m+.
2. I run up 250m+ at Slow Cooker to 500m+.
3. I run up 500m+ at High Rollers to 1.25b+.
4. I run up 1.25b+ at Fire Pit to 5b+.
5. I run up 5b+ at Oligarch to ~40b.

I spent exactly $0 real dollars on torn.  Also exactly 0 pesos and exactly 0 of every other real currency including crypto, neither did I trade anything IRL of value to anyone ingame for their torn dollars.  I earned it all at the tables.

P.S. I don't have the mp40, it's not mine.  It's 39th's now.  I couldn't give it to you if I wanted to.

I spent 50 billion on that weapon that Sky was loaning to everybody.  Those rats got the fastest 100k chain ever while borrowing it this halloweek.  It's a 19 revit, 22 warlord, red primary weapon and it kicks ass.  It belongs to the armory of 39th now where it will hopefully live forever.

Okay:

Your statistics
StatValue
Poker score113,229,597
Hands dealt43,116
Hands played18,426
Hands played percentage43%
Net profit$71,475,924,812
Total money gain$380,871,311,801
Total money loss$309,395,386,989
Money won / lost ratio1.23
Biggest win$9,300,000,000
Biggest loss$7,367,562,260
Legacy total money won$0
Legacy total money lost$0
Tournaments won0
Tournament money gain$0
Tournament money loss$0
Tournaments entered0
Best hand10♣ J♣ Q♣ K♣ A♣
Best session$20,749,970,512
Favourite tableCat's Chance
Total time played425 h 10 min

I made 400m at Cat's Chance today, but I made billions at High Rollers, Oligarch, and Fire Pit.  I probably made about 40b at HR or above, the other 25ish I made mostly at Slow Cooker, Cat's Chance, and River Wizard.

Also, I'm really sorry, I don't know how I messed up the title of the book.  I didn't mean to recommend, "Psychology of Poker," I meant, "The Mental Game of Poker," particularly the first volume.  I'm really sorry about that, complete accident.

Preface:  I jumped to 100k for a measly 50% boost to gym gains at the low, low cost of 12m, plus 5.5 FHC's worth of booster cooldown time and forgoing the use of a xany for a worthless ecstasy.  I'm lucky I didn't OD.  Oh wait, I did end up net negative, b/c if I just used 5.5 more FHCs then I'd have used more than double the energy which means double the gains instead of 50% more gains.  Plus I'd have gained more gym exp.  I'm so glad I didn't stack for that, I'd have ended up net negative.  it might be worth it if your stats aren't even in the millions yet.

Some questions for all these happy jumpers:

1. Do you like to equip big, red, oversized shoes before you do it?
2. Do you wear orange wigs and/or white make up while you do it?
3. Do you also go to children's parties, blow up balloons, tie them into animal shapes, and pass them out?

1 shot at merit

EDIT:  POST EVERYWHERE

I’m in!

The poker table.  You can do it too.  Read "Psychology of Poker," "Excelling at No Limit Hold Em," and "The Raiser's Edge" a few times each.  Then play low stakes and don't move up until you can beat them consistently.

Bro, what?!  I don't put real money into this game.  If I turned this game into simply a measure of how much money I dumped into it, I'd get bored instantly.  Same reason I never used a gameshark as a kid.  Cheating just takes the fun out of it, and while using real money isn't exactly "cheating," it has the same effect - it grants an unfair advantage and therefore renders and accomplishment moot.  The satisfaction of succeeding would be entirely negated.  I earned that money fair and square and my very next goal is to do it again.  And the next time I have the money, I'll be looking for another red revit / orange warlord.

It's not just any chain, it was the fastest ever, and every one of their members was using this wep and then passing it off to the next person in line.  I know b/c that's how 39th did our chain.  It's been in the conversation for a while and has been rented out at $75m per day.  Everyone who rents it, praises and endorses it.  There's a thread full of it.  I wasn't even looking and it just kept rearing its head everywhere.  Every time I saw it, I became more jealous of its owner.  Now it's ours and I couldn't be happier.

That 100k chain will hold the record for a while, too.  Until next year, when 39th beats it with this same wep.