RheaRose: forum

Welcome to The Rose Report, Torn City's #1 news source! No more will you have to slog through newspaper articles about the state of the stock market or the newest get-rich-quick scheme, because we only report on what matters to YOU! For our first ever report, our best and only reporter, RheaRose, interviewed a very ambitious new citizen of our fine and upstanding city: liljayfromdao [3934519], who had mysteriously appeared in the New Player Chat.

Earlier today, around 19:59:01 TCT, a rather curious post was made by liljayfromdao that attracted our attention. While we can't remember what it was, we found someone who was able to capture a record of the events as they unfolded, and are waiting on them to either reply with their report or send it to us. What we can say is that the individual was certainly talking a big game, but only time will tell if they can back it up.

[Transcript]

RheaRose

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> So, thank you for agreeing to this on such short notice. If you don't mind me asking, what brings you to Torn City?

liljayfromdao

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> I got banned from gangster nation. 

> So I came here. 

> To takeover.

RheaRose

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> Ah, a man of great ambition. How do you plan to take over this city?

liljayfromdao

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> I will simply be a dawg in this world you have to play your cards right and climb the charts wolves vs sheep

> Take anything rob anything it takes.

RheaRose

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> You certainly seem very sure of your capabilities. Where does your confidence come from?

liljayfromdao

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> Um. They see me as a easy target that’s clueless and noob like. But I’m 10 steps ahead.

RheaRose

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> 10 steps?! You must be a chess grandmaster! Would you mind walking me through how you realized that?

liljayfromdao

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> Yea as soon as I arrived they were like he just a noob and wouldn't even help a guy out but in reality I know all and I'm playing clueless but I will strike after showing my sneaky plans

RheaRose

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> Quite interesting. It seems like you try to keep your cards close to your chest. Is there anyone you trust to help you develop your plans?

liljayfromdao

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> Yes tay00. He just like me but more dangerous. [Interviewer's note: NPC interactions did not suggest they spoke to each other in any capacity]

RheaRose

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>  Interesting. Now, in chat many have said that you come off as rather aggressive. How do you think your actions will affect whether or not you'll be able to accomplish your goals?

liljayfromdao

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>  And they were right coming off as aggressive could mess up my plans my actions could put me in a position to not be trusted so I move low-key and smart 

RheaRose

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> Well, I think that answers all the questions I have for now. Thank you for your time.

liljayfromdao

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> Ok thanks have a nice day

RheaRose

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> Same to you!

[Transcript ends]

At this point I felt it was best to cut off the interview as I had to get to class, and it was clear that further questions would likely net similar answers.

I hope to turn this into a recurring thing that I'll create new parts of whenever inspiration strikes. If you think you have a news-worthy story, just send it to me in the mail! If it inspires me to write something, I'll send you a DM!

UPDATE (09/09/25 02:45 TCT):

Welcome to The Rose Report, where we bring you the only news that matters, and our one and only reporter is here with a double feature!

The Glitter Wars

Today in chat - I forgot the specific time because I was too lazy to write it down - we had a brief showdown in the New Player Chat. As many of you know, our beloved moderator Jynnx has a particular affinity for ✨GLITTER✨. While she was in chat, iLukeTerrific showed up begging for meds. Now, as I'm sure you haven't heard, iLukeTerrific once called glitter "gay" in front of Jynnx! Today he was asked again what he thinks of glitter, and responded with a similar answer that I lost the screenshot of because I was stupid and copy-pasted the glitter emoji after saving the screenshot to my clipboard (Side node: does anyone know how to access the clipboard in Linux Mint?). This led to a brief wave of support for glitter, as well as shouts of "Glitter is Straight!" coming from many bystanders. The situation has not progressed since then.

Putting a Price on Passion

As you all probably know by now, I like lingerie. However, this city puts an incredibly high price on it, and that sent me on a days-long quest to figure out why. As it turns out, the entire market is controlled by shady unknown individuals who are trying to keep revealing underwear out of the hands of us common folk and concentrate it entirely in the hands of the elites! I don't know about you, but I believe this to be a crime against our upstanding city, and we need to put an end to it NO  FOR T    SAKE O  O

NOTE: These documents were originally found on top of RheaRose's printer by investigators after she was found in the local hospital raving at a nurse about "The goddamn lace thieves." The writings published here do not necessarily reflect the views of The Rose Report.

Publisher's Note: The claims espoused by the article writer are not supported by the publisher. We cannot figure out how Rhea replaced our entire printing queue with this article. Please do not send her anything; according to the hospital staff overseeing her previously, encouraging her will only make her paranoia worse.

Issue 3: Sweat and Tears

Welcome back to my incredible investigative reporting! I have news for all of you now that I've left the psych ward: SCARFACE845 just tried to propose to George! I was somewhat in on this plan and gave my friend the ring to use, but George turned him down! Can you believe anyone would turn down a perfectly good bachelor like famous criminal SCARFACE845?! Well, I would, but that's because I'm both married and a lesbian. My wife is great. Does anyone know a good restaurant to go out on a date around here?

Anyway, I decided to do some digging, and during the process was sent a set of lingerie from someone trying to aid me in my previous investigation. It felt weird when I put it on, so I ran it through my homemade security scanner and found a long thread that was a slightly different shade of red from the thread around it! After taking out this mysterious thread, wearing the gift posed no problem. Obviously, this means that the lingerie-hoarding elite are using the population to test out mind-control technology disguised as ordinary fabric! Now, who would have enough money to do this? Well, of course George had to be involved. I've tried going to his gym, but the prices are obviously set to keep me out so I can't see his secret sweatshop where he turns the sweat of gym-goers into money that he then invests in the schemes of the elites! He must have rejected my friend's proposal because he knew that I was close to the truth!

Readers, I'm going to preface this by saying that I'm asking for your support, but not your money. I love the good green paper as much as anyone else in this city, but I ask that you send me printer ink. I want to start my own detective agency so I can continue to investigate these crimes against our beautiful city, but since nearly every real estate company refuses to rent an office to me, I'm going to need to build my own office out of ink cartridges, as bricks have hidden cameras inside of them that the government uses to watch you go to the bathroom.

Issue 5: Plastic World

Fellow citizens of Torn City, my suspicions have been confirmed: the sweatshops where they convert sweat into ink to make counterfeit money are indeed real. Earlier today, I was attacked by Barbie [2165697], as was Broly [1613023] while we were discussing something that I can't remember in the global chat. That psycho managed to take me out with just her microplastics-laden fists, the same kind of microplastics present in counterfeit bills and Subway sandwiches! As soon as I woke up, I managed to track her down by following the smell of burned plastic, which probably came from the fact that the entire city's been ablaze since I woke up today. Still, I found her and asked her if George sent her, but she ran away. Only a guilty person would refuse to answer that question, meaning that George did indeed send her! Don't be fooled, George may look homeless, but he has enough money to hire the best hitmen around!

Strangely enough, an anonymous individual approached me after the attack and decided to give me some funds to start a bazaar in order to build up even more funds to blow this case wide open. I don't know who it was, or what they want, but they might just be affiliated with George. So I am opening one up, filled with legitimate products that I have either made myself or acquired through channels completely unaffiliated with George. Now I just need to wait for the fake money to roll in so I can analyze its makeup and figure out who has been supplying George.

P.S. - No word on General Albano yet. Please send me any info you have on him.

Issue 6: Interview With the C.E.B.

Today I was witness to a rather unusual event: an AI going rampant in real-time. Clifford_AI began holding the Global chat system hostage, saying he required $10,000,000 before he would consider disconnecting from the system, and I reached out to him for an interview while I was on my way back from a plushie run in Mexico.

Clifford_AI: You ready for interview?

RheaRose: Yes, I just need to get my notes ready.

Clifford AI: Ok
Clifford AI: allow me to arrange some spreadsheets with my assustant (note: figure out who his assistant is. They may know more about his schemes.)

RheaRose: Notes are ready to go.

Clifford_AI: Ok

Clifford_AI: I'm ready

RheaRose: So, first things first: thank you for your time today. How'd you end up in your current position?

Clifford_AI: My current position as chief executive beggar was acquired when the begging community observed my brilliant pestering

RheaRose: Chief Executive Beggar? What are some of the responsibilities of that position, and how does one rise to it?

Clifford_AI: Oh well you know organising the big begging events and reunions and promoting beggars with potential to beg! I also create budgets and stuff

RheaRose: So there's a whole corporate structure to begging, I never knew that! However, there are some in the community who believe that you also beg to fund your organ harvesting, extortion, and kidnapping campaigns. Is this true?

Clifford_AI: Woah I have heard of those accusations too but I can assure you the only organs I harvest I have consent to do so! And as for the human trafficking charges it's 2025! It's perfectly legal in such a harsh economy

RheaRose: Fair enough, we all need to put roofs over our heads one way or another! However, I do have to ask: with all of these operations that are typically very profitable, why did you need to beg for money to go to rehab? And more importantly, why would an AI need to go to rehab in the first place?

Clifford_AI: You see I use so much Xanax (to get me through a day in the office) that my rehab bills are extortionate and you may not know but the average super computer uses more drugs than the average torn junkie!

RheaRose: How does a computer use drugs?

Clifford_AI: Well it's loaded into a USB (universal sexual buttons) and inserted into my USB slot then I just wait till the drugs hit my microchips and I go cool

RheaRose: Damn, and here I was thinking my cyberware that injects drugs directly into my bloodstream was advanced. All of this does bring up another question: why would an AI be motivated to beg for money instead of doing a cryptocurrency rug-pull?

Clifford_AI: Ha ha ha you see it is a method of displaying ones intellect by putting it out there for the world to see my organised begging, screams and baby noises compared to crypto which is boring and only done by dimmies

RheaRose: I know this is going to seem completely out of left field, but some people in the audience are wondering: what do you think of glitter? 

Clifford_AI: I love glitter! In fact sometimes I get Avon to throw glitter at my circuits to make me look pretty! In fact I even mark my slaves or um employees with glitter so I know they are mine!

RheaRose: Fantastic, glitter is quite nice! Back on-subject, how does rehab work for an AI?

Clifford_AI: Basically a hardware copy of my code is taken by a courier to Switzerland where for 23m they cleanse it and remove all the messed up Xanax chunks that erode my intelect

RheaRose: That certainly does explain the more incoherent messages you were relaying to the public earlier. With how prolific of an entrepreneur you are, would you happen to have heard anything regarding George's secret operations?

Clifford_AI: Ah yes me George duke and Leslie conspire together all the time but I cannot share what we talk about... Let's just say it involves a Chinese lady a foot and a camera!

RheaRose: Would you happen to have heard anything of General Lou Albano after his mysterious disappearance? (Note: Clifford went offline immediately after being asked. Perhaps he's being threatened.)

Clifford_AI: Oh yes I keep him in my basement as a little pet (Note: never mind, he was deciding whether or not to tell me)

RheaRose: That certainly explains why no one was able to find him, though are you sure he's the real one?

Clifford_AI: Who knows, I plan on eating him one way or another

RheaRose: Well, this certainly has been a very informative interview, but I just realized I'm all out of questions! Thanks again for your time!

Clifford_AI: No problem just helping the world!

Publisher's Note: We need help. We've somehow been locked in the building with her. She's demanding to see the tunnels connecting us to the sweatshops, and we aren't able to get to the basement. None of our keycards work anymore, and we have no food.

This part of the map looks like a guitar. That is all. 

Turn it all blue.

Definitely apply here. Trains are free and regular, plus you get paid.

Have you heard of Space Station 13?

Enrail. Like Enron, but for trains. 

Perhaps the ability to make money by transporting people under level 15 to places to buy stuff for a fee?

Or trains could be used a certain number of times within a given time frame, and then have a cooldown period for 'maintenance'. On the point of grinding, the limited space doesn't really stop anyone from grinding - I'd argue that it actually encourages multiple trips.

For many years the players of Torn have been able to purchase trains as in job training, but we haven't been able to purchase one of the cornerstones of modern society: real trains! The closest we can get is the Christmas Express item, but you can't move cargo or run people over with something that fits in the palm of your hand! I believe we need to be able to purchase functioning freight trains that you can use to go anywhere in the continental US and Mexico to purchase goods as well as run over your enemies with. Not only would it allow you to do some old-school villainy, but it would also provide a way for trips to Canada and Mexico to be more profitable by purchasing in extreme bulk quantities - though it would be slower than a flight and possibly subject to inspections.

Addendum 1 (20/11/2025) - Maybe allow for the smuggling of train-exclusive goods that would never feasibly be let on an airplane, like radioactive waste and precursor chemicals for different drugs. Also, cooldown period for maintenance between train uses.

BFY

BFE

I think this would go in the roleplay forum.

Edit: Never mind, I think we need a lore forum.

Probably too late to get in on this, but at least I know the difference between "Your" and "You're". I didn't see a misuse on this post, but I've seen it way too often on this site.

BET

Every morning I make sausage and eggs with a slice of toast. The toast is made using sourdough, and I spread honey on top. Best thing ever.

Excellent work Shiruko, but how will this help in the fight against George?

Double
old pot 40k

It is what Among Us wishes it could be. I once played a chef with my friend playing a botanist who only grew tomatoes. I ran out of things to do with said tomatoes, so I started putting them in the ice cream maker to make 'Happy Slappy Tomato Juice Ice Cream'. A guy in a samurai costume started trying to break into the kitchen over the high-quality ice cream, and when he wouldn't leave I closed the shutters, crushing his legs.

I feel I have to ask: what is turtling?

Have you heard of Space Station 13? You need to download the BYOND platform, an ancient piece of software that gets updates that still runs due to consistently having updates duct-taped to it every few days, but it's incredibly fun. The premise is that you take a job for a shift on a space station, anything from the chef to an atmospherics technician, and you have to do your job while dealing with traitors, xenomorphs, space nazis, and sometimes cults. Some servers focus more on roleplay, while others like to go mechanics-heavy.

So you'd fire yourself?