Depression

My experience

There's probably loads of other threads about depression, i'm sorry for recycling this monotonous shit. You're free to leave.

I think we all experience a level of depression now and again, some more than others. If it was up to me, i'd be the first person to get rid of it. It's draining, repetitive and a huge leach on your mood in general. In my experience it would creep up slowly, making simple daily tasks a complete hassle. I don't want to talk to anyone. I have low mood and i'm often easily angered. My thoughts are less varied, and more concentrated on things I've messed up in the past, my future and life in general. When i'm feeling it, it's a lingering feeling of self worthlessness, self loathing and wishing it would pass like a menacing rain cloud. The duration varies. I often ponder how fast life is going and that everyone i went to school with 2 years ago now are all ricocheting into different career paths and lifestyles. Some even with families of their own. It serves to belittle what i have done in the past 2 years i've been off school, because others have achieved so much. Although i've been accepted into University (I'm from the UK btw) and set to go this September. I have trouble finding gratification in it when feeling like this. I've found that over the years I've developed a real lack of trust for anyone really. Only select friends and family.

As far as seeking help, i haven't got round to it. I feel like it could help, however I've lacked the energy and want to do it.

If you've got this far, i appreciate you taking this time out to read, any thoughts are welcome in the comments. Thank you.

What it feels like

A synopsis of how it feels to suffer from depression, to those who are lucky enough not to be drowned by it:

Imagine feeling nothing, no thoughts in particular (other than the ones i've stated above), just an emptiness, a void that seems bottomless. You try to fill it with many things. Maybe food will make you feel better? going out more? You lack the motivation. it's all for nothing when you find nothing can fill it. What's the point in trying if nothing helps?

An idea of what goes through my head in the brunt of a bad day.

[image: homeopathicmedicines.biz]





Edit:

I'm probably the lowest i've ever been to date, nothing is okay, sleeping is a chore when all i do is lay there staring at the ceiling. Adjusting to this new lifestyle of moving away from home and everything i've come to know, to a place i've never been before, new people. The sheer oxymoronic nature of my reality is baffling. I'm around all my friends, with people in the same boat as me, yet i still feel so isolated and alone. I can't let anyone in for fear that they will think differently of me. The only people that mean the most to me are not around. It's times like this where i come to understand the honest value of family. Sure, they piss you off when you're around them 24/7, but damn i'd give anything to go back to the way it was pre-university.

What significance is life if i can't break this rain cloud that is forever raining over my head. It infringes upon my ability to work, to concentrate, to get anything done at all. It's not just a bad day, i'm not just in a bad mood, this is how i live, and it's killing me.

I'm in an eternal state of meaninglessness.

Don't worry about bringing up this same subject, as you said, it's a repetitive thing but the impact of it remains intense, so the need to keep talking about it isn't that hard to understand, I've been guilty of it too :p

As tempting as it is to share my own experience of depression, I'd rather draw attention to the point where other people, as well as depressed people themselves, tend to lean towards seeing depressed people as one whole being that understand exactly what each and every one of them is going through. This way of thinking is so, so utterly flawed.

Depression is a result of something. The cause of it, as well as the way it expresses itself, varies greatly between all people that suffer from this. It's naive and pretty ignorant to think that they could all just be best friends and that they can all be "fixed" with one type of treatment.

It is up to the person itself to decide what helps for them. There are general things such as talking to people, therapy, and trying to remain active that are widely known to help with depression, but one solution works better for one than for the other.

I've personally experienced too many people forcing their experiences and coping techniques upon me as soon as I even whispered that I was feeling pretty down, like down down. It's rare these days to actually find someone that lets the person with the problem talk and actually listens; instead of waiting for their turn to share their experiences, trying to find and pointing out (so-called) connections between them, and acting under the assumption that as long as they feel related to, their problems won't seem so bad anymore and they'll be able to call themselves "the one who fixed them". It starts to become more about being the one who fixed someone, than actually fixing someone.

As soon as you allow someone to have their own problems and be their own self, that's honestly the moment you're truly guiding someone to the right path.

As Missterial said don't worry about it. Sometimes just getting it out can be therapeutic in it self.

I do see a worrying trend here though, it seems torn are attracting a lot of troubled souls :/



i might quit my job and set up my own CBT-clinic in Torn :D

Anyway good luck with your battle

Thank you for the insight, it's makes me feel better knowing others are going though what seems to be the same thing. It comes and goes (like i've mentioned). Just got to learn to deal with it.

Thank you for understanding

• Oni [997335]
• Missterial [1955904]

I appreciate it

Try to look at your in a more positive way, look at what you've done, feel proud about your accomplishments. You've made it so far already, there are a fair amount of people who didn't even pass high school, and many more who haven't even had good enough grades to get into college. And with the thing you were talking about with you going to college, and other people doing their own career, remember when you finish Uni you'll be able to get a job that'll put everyone else's jobs to shame

That's true op3880, thank you for that new perspective

no prob Chun :)

Yo dude,

I may have abit of advice that might help you, if you feel like this while at uni.

Try you best to get a job while out there, it will keep your mind occupied, and also give you abit of financial benifit. And also help you connect with people, most people I knew that went uni met them self's a good bloke/lass, no matter what they come from, this is a new aspect of your life.

People are slightly more mature when they go to uni, hopefully being around new influences and people may help you alot if not, just remember to make yourself targets day by day and try to meet them, that helped me alot.

Anyway good luck, if you want to chat just drop me a message

Yea i'll be looking for a job hopefully next january when i'm more comfortable with my surroundings for a few months. The depression seems to have subsided at least a little bit, to the point where my mood is way more stable than it was, so if that keeps up, meeting new people at uni will be great.

I appreciate you reaching out to me, i'll keep you in mind bud, thank you.

You should also spend time doing things you like and have passion for. It helps drive your mind away from depressing thoughts.

It's difficult to do that when the things i used to enjoy are now worthless and bring no happiness. But i'll try, thanks.

Falling in love may help.... Someone to be by you all the time.

That is difficult when you are depressed.

Isn't that the dream, i reckon that would help me a great deal. Just finding the right person. That's life.

I hear exercising regularly does wonders.

I hope it gets better bro

You still need to learn how to live on your own, can't wait for a prince to rescue you and solve all the world's problems.

Those are certainly a lot of negative words/emotions in that picture.



It may be hard to pin point immediately, but can you describe what it is that is leading your life? What is defining your idea of success/failure?



For one thing, comparing yourself to others is not a helpful/healthy process.

That is also my problem Des, In the last 10 days, i've lost my wife, my kids, my job and my home.. Ive known nothing but my wife for the past 7 years, and im only 23.. They really are some wise words, because if you can't learn to live on your own, your going to have a hard time in life, and i'm learning that right now..

That sucks man, wish you the best.