Torn does have a certain pull though, I wouldnt discount gaming all together, it can be good for you, a temporary break from reality.
Its all about finding a balance, you realised before it was too late which is a good thing, and planning to redress that balance is also good, but I wouldnt give it all up completely.
I find allocating a designated time I can sneak off to game works for us, I work away half of my life so time at home is precious. She doesnt mind me indulging myself for an afternoon or two a week.
We are challenged every day to make good choices. You certainly have endured serious challenges, and I pray you only have small ones remaining.
Whatever we pour our energy into grows. Your marriage, your depression, your online experience all levy demands against your time. Depression can be an evil sneaky bastard that grabs you by the nuts before you realize how bad things have gotten.
Take relief in many things readily available: your family, music, literature, fresh foods, nature, a good gut-busting joke. Laugh like there's no tomorrow.
Hell youve helped me more than anyone ever could, for that, Ill never be able to repay you! Youve become more than a friend, youve become family, thats not a title I give easily!
Just take it easy man, as theyve said, its a game, itll wait for you, but real life doesnt stop, take it by the horns and show it whose the boss!
The insidious relationship is that open ended games like Torn (or games with massive amounts of content to go through where you really have to plan your path of attack) is...
The more out of your control real life FEELS, the more appealing the internet (or any virtual reality) and/or gaming becomes. That's because you have full control and can change EVERYTHING with a few keystrokes. Don't like your guild/faction? There are a ton more. Hate your virtual JOB? Quit and find another. Etc...
The more that balance swings in favor of the virtual, the more the virtual FEELS like the stable thing that you can count on. It can become self feeding and get super out of control pretty easily.
Yes, Torn has caused arguments (in my life, probably in most of our lives). Torn isn't the problem though.
Yes, I missed out on a good portion of my kids younger years. Made the whole family wait while I farmed one more monster, or finished up one more raid. WOW coming out and decimating the EQ population was the best gaming thing that ever happened to me.
Yes, my wife had an appointment with a divorce lawyer. Oddly enough it wasn't because of gaming.
Find the balance that fits yer life. Otherwise, life will balance stuff for you. You might not like the choices life makes for you. :(
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Thanks to all who've shared. It's important stuff to keep in mind.
so, the last few years have also been just like yours, though i started playing over 9 years ago i resturned 2 years ago finding myself with all the free time in the world as a result of countless deadly health problems....im normally a extremely social active person before these ailments took away my life...gradually playing torn again i formed new relationships online(which i have NEVER done) and i find that these ppl and this game have mabe a positive impact on what life i have left
...At first my girlfriend thought of this as an obsession, but eventually she joined me in playing and it kind of took a hold of her also. Now that summer is upon us and i am in much better health i will play less , but the foundation i laid will hold me up in my game for the years to come....its not just a game..anything in your life that you love to do, takes your time has more meaning then just being a game...I hate when ppl say "its just a game" , i think for some it is, but for others its what they choose to use as a large part of thier lives..
To the people who dont understand what being stuck at home, waiting for home nurses, going to get your monthly CAT scan, changing the inside of the medical machine that follows you everywhere, living inside a house of pain(he he), understanding will never come.......I enjoy playing, simple as that....if it effects your life negatively , thats a different story. then changes should be made........otherwise i enjoy having a long term game that brings me pleasure when pleasure is needed!
well geez, OP, this was a beautiful read. i wish my ex husband could have read your words years ago. thank you for sharing and i hope that you and your wife have many, many more wonderful years together.
i want to share more, but while i'm old to the game, i'm new to posting in the forums here and don't feel comfortable.
i think everyone who plays and stays has an issue in their life. some find it and overcome it whilst others use torn to stop them really thinking about what it is.
i know i have my demons and was it not for distractions like this game...i would be forced to face them more often.
trader i wish you nothing but good luck going forward dude.
My wife decided that she wanted a peak at this thread after I mentioned writing about recent events, and after reading the OP she went on to read comments made.
Her words: "You didn't tell me how sweet everyone is!"
Thanks for all the kind words, and especially for those of you who've shared your own experiences.
My wife and I are going camping for a few days, away from people, distractions... just being together. I'll likely be around afterwards, but going to be limiting my online time to the hours she's at work. Guess I needed a good kick in the ass.
All the best, you've made a number of good points and I hope you and your wife can enjoy a good life together.
It is ridiculous to keep logging in, to keep clicking away day after day, year after year. I have wanted to quit for a long time and not been able to. Good luck to you if you can.
I am new to Torn so I haven't actually gotten to the addicted part. However, I have been addicted to other video games. I have an account with Second Life, and at times I seem to log in daily and get obsessed with it. It literally becomes my first life, and I have to force myself to back away.
I was born with a disability, I don't have arms or legs, and while my life is pretty good, I don't have a job and I don't have a significant other, so my life can get pretty boring with long hours of doing nothing. I should also say that I have developed social anxiety, and find it difficult to go outside especially by myself. So yes, games like torn, and Second Life provide a welcoming distraction at times when I'm feeling especially depressed about life.
I think you are brave for posting what he posted, maybe other people can get some help on event.
Sorry to be blunt, but when after that experience your first reaction is to make a post about it in Torn GD, I am not sure you have really learned your lession. I still wish you good luck that you get things sorted out with your wife.
Personally I don't think you just have to play when she's at work - even as a loving couple you don't have to do everything together. You just have to stay emtionally connected over the day.and week, despite work, kids, hobbies etc.
Listen again to the great poel Billy Joel - "Tell her about it". Wise words in my opinion:
"Listen boy It's not automatically a certain guarantee To insure yourself You've got to provide communication constantly"