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Quackor[3097913]
· 5 likes · stealing someone's coffee is called "mugging"
Cariciok[3156777] · 4 likes · What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Cariciok[3156777] · 4 likes · What kind of lion doesn't roar? A dandelion.
Cariciok[3156777] · #1
Lets like some posts and share some jokes.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'".
(A hah! You set up the premise so we would think of a bar as in a pub or tavern, but Nay! you meant a bar as in a monkey bar or a bar of gold. And the humor comes form the juxtaposition and mismatched expectations! How Droll! <I do genuinely love that joke forever. And this second one where I over explain it>)
How do you make a Kleenex Dance? You put a little boogie in it.
Cariciok[3156777] · #7
Nice
Cariciok[3156777] · #8
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space
There was a woman and her baby who were going on a bus ride. A man next to them scowled, "That thing is ugly!" and the woman sat down next to someone else to tell them about it. The other man said, "That's terrible! You need to tell that man off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey."
The T in picTure sounds like a "ch" The OLO n cOLOnel sounds like an "ur"
ch + ur + ch
Mighty similar, eh? (P.S. $100k to the guy who can make sense of GHOTI)
Cariciok[3156777] · #15
Ghoti is actually spelled Jaheye. Lemme explain.
The g in genocide sounds like a "J" Many h's are silent like the one in "ugh" The o in olive sounds like "ah" The t in chalet is also silent, as are many other "t"s When you say I it actually sounds like "eye"
Cariciok[3156777] · #16
What time is it when the clock strikes 13? Time to get a new clock.
Lasermancer[3131435] · #17
Enough, women, citation. It is pronounced like fish. A very popular example.
A lawyer bought a box of 24 luxury cigars and purchased personal property insurance for them. Within 2 months all the cigars had been smoked, the lawyer then filed a claim against the insurance company stating the cigars had all been destroyed in a series of small fires.
The insurance company refused to pay the claim stating that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.
The lawyer sued the insurance company for refusing to pay the claim, and he won. Instead of enduring a long costly litigation process the insurance company decided it would be cheaper to accept and pay the $15,000 ruling to the lawyer for his lost cigars.
As soon as the lawyer cashed his check the insurance company had him arrested for 24 counts of arson. The lawyer was convicted for intentionally setting fire to insured property. He was sentenced to 24 months in jail along with a 24,000$ fine per the state sentencing guidelines... One month and one thousand dollars for every count of petty arson.