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Lord of Torn

Started by Problematic [3581116] on in Graveyard.

16 replies · 162 views · thread synced · yesterday · View on torn.com
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Posts archived: 17 / 17 posts (100%) · the total is Torn's reply count + the opening post at the last fetch

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Problematic [3581116] · #1

I don't normally talk about my accomplishments because I don't want to make the rest of Torn feel inadequate.

But honestly, at this point, it's becoming impossible to hide the truth.

I am the Lord of Torn.

Not a lord.

THE Lord.


Torn wasn't even truly ready for me when I joined. The servers saw my account being created and probably had to sit down for a minute.

My stats don't even accurately represent my power because the game simply isn't capable of measuring it.

I once clicked the wrong button and accidentally became more respected.

I logged off for 20 minutes yesterday and came back to find the entire economy slightly less stable.

Coincidence?

No.

Influence.


My character has so much presence that I could probably walk into a faction war by myself and both sides would stop fighting just to ask for my autograph.

People spend years trying to become legends.

I apparently became one by accident.


I'm so handsome that my profile picture should probably come with a warning.

I'm so intelligent that I sometimes read my own posts twice just to understand the genius I accidentally typed.

I'm so powerful that when I lose a fight, I simply consider it charity.

When I get mugged, I don't lose money.

I make a donation to someone less fortunate.

When someone insults me, I don't get offended.

I feel honored that they temporarily experienced the privilege of interacting with me.


When someone beats me in the game, I congratulate them on achieving the greatest accomplishment of their Torn career.

And when someone claims they're better than me?

That's adorable.

That's like a squirrel challenging a nuclear reactor to a staring contest.


So to everyone reading this:

Train hard.

Make money.

Build your faction.

Become successful.

Do everything you possibly can.


Because one day, if you work hard enough, you might get close enough to witness the greatness of Problematic, Lord of Torn, Supreme Ruler of the Forums, Destroyer of Mediocrity, and Most Handsome Player Alive.

I don't expect gratitude.

I already know you're grateful.

Now return to your regularly scheduled peasantry.