jump792: forum

New medals:

Nice View	Amass 100k points on the wall
Territorial	Amass 250k points on the wall
Sentry	Amass 500k points on the wall
Border Patrol	Amass 750k points on the wall
Watch Tower	Amass 1m points on the wall
Unmoving	Amass 5m points on the wall
Relentless	Amass 10m points on the wall
Sharp Shooter	Amass 25m points on the wall
The Foundation	Amass 50m points on the wall
It's Huge!	Amass 100m points on the wall

May need better names...Or clearly needs better names in some of them

Randoms

The City is Ours!	Knock the last enemy player off the wall
*Body Tosser Humpty Dumpty	Knock 25 people off of a wall
Dog Pile	Be in a group attack with 5 other players till the end
Duke's Dog	Get 100% Agent Standing with Duke
**Land Grab	Be in a faction when it claims a landmark territory
Chedburn approves	Chedburn gives you this honor bar as he pleases

*Has room to extend if you catch my drift

**Needs a better name

Whenever someone is put into Federal, almost all the time that it becomes a 999'd, there is this undone and never actually relevant "reason": account marked for deletion. There is a lot of drama and claims on the forums that could be ended a lot easier if we knew why someone was put in fed for ****s sake...

The person is a multi account? "account is a multi". person is a restart? "Starting from scratch". The person committed a crime on the rules? Just tell them what rule they broke.

It's not too hard to actually give a reason for something is it? This vague stuff isn't really helping us believe in the staff as we can only guess that they are doing the right thing...I mean ffs, people only knew why BambinaDuckie was fedded because other people talked with them or were around for that. If no one was around for it, then they would likely still be in fed unless a staff member told people what they did (which isn't too common...).

All we can do is guess what someone did wrong, and quite frankly I don't feel right pairing someone who restarted with someone who committed RMT or committed harassment.

EDIT: thank you to Mauk for making me realize that I need to make it readable...

Miscellaneous items have been left to rot, most now completely useless. So now, I have ideas to make some of the useless items not so useless or maybe even useful! So here we go!

Box of Tissues: It's not pity if it doesn't help, so let's remedy that to make it a little less worthless! If you use a tissue, you'll gain 1 happiness (good luck using enough to get that 99999 merit). EDIT: nvm, guess it does have a purpose...

Soap on a Rope: This is realistically a lot more useful than it's given credit for, as you can protect yourself from the curse of dropping it. If in jail, you can use the item for a small gain or potential loss in a stat. Here are possible scenarios: "You put on the Soap on a Rope and walk in the showers. It held on and you feel proud of yourself. You gain 10 happiness", "You put on the Soap on a Rope and walk in the showers. You almost dropped the soap many times, but since it was wrapped on your hand, it didn't go anywhere. You're lucky it didn't slip off...", "(It's all gonna start the same, so I'm gonna save you some reading from here on) When you start to use the Soap, you somehow manage to drop it despite the Rope...you reach down and lose 50 happiness as well as your pride", "Despite not dropping the soap, someone tries to come at you. Who knew Soap on a Rope would make a good flail? After that tussle, you gained [a small but random increase in a battle stat]", "After you finished cleaning up, some guy walked up to you and wanted to take that Soap in exchange for a little something something. You got [some random amount of cash, wtf would that sell for in prison is beyond me, but it would likely affect the selling price afterwards]."

Pack of Cuban Cigars: I mean ffs, you'd think you could smoke the shit. Well now you can! Smoking Cuban Cigars can either give you 100 happiness, 10 energy, or 5 nerve. Seems op, but you can only use one of them a day because cancer. Smoking would have a 4 hours drug cool down and roughly a 8% chance to OD (subject to change) for comical application and to remind people it's still a low quality item. You could get a merit for taking 50, but it wouldn't add to your total drugs taken. "You smoke a pack of Cuban Cigars,: After wards, you feel a little more energetic (energy); Immediately, you feel relieved satisfying your urges (happiness); you then feel like a badass for smoking (nerve)"

Fire Hydrant: Yes, a fire hydrant. How could this be useful? Ok, you got me...but it would make a pretty cool weapon, just saying... Ok, now I have an idea on what can be done with this. The Fire Hydrant will (mostly) be a curse item. If a player is in possession of a fire hydrant, they will have several negative consequences afflicted on them. This includes but might not be limited to: Always failing arson crimes and have a significantly higher chance of getting a red crime if attempting it while this item is in possession hospital time for arson crimes will be 50% lower though; inability to cause damage with a flame thrower; inability to burn an opponent with a molotov cocktail and taking 20% less damage for fires yourself, use a snowball, or a book; a higher chance of crashing in a race (you hit a fire hydrant...dumbass); always failing a run away (You tried to run away, but slipped in a puddle); ordinary clothing making you have a lower happy cap with water based clothing being exempt to this (wet socks is considered torture to some people you know); and losing cannabis, opium, and PCP if you try to use it as it's too wet to light and is thrown away. This item can't be thrown in the dump, and still counts as in your possession if you have it on the item market or in a bazaar. You can send this to another player with the option of no events of it ever being sent. It can be disabled for 5 energy for about 1 hours, so you decide what you're gonna do with it sunshine.

Gingerbread Man: You eat it...I'm sure what more you were expecting. Also, you gain 10 energy or get sick because you ate a cookie from 2011 like a moron and get food poisoning from it, losing 50 happiness and "gaining" a 3% loss in one of your battle stats for a short duration of time.

C4 Explosive: This can also be used as a temp weapon. You need two turns to use it though...one to lob it at your opponent, the other to detonate it.

Advent Calendar: If you perhaps have this during the christmas season, you can use this once a day for a random amount of happy ranging from 5 (whopper candy...ew...) to 250 (Milk Chocolate Truffle...).

Eggnog: If you drink this lovely drink, you'll gain 500 happiness and get a booster cooldown of 30 minutes. "You drink your cup of Eggnog. The nutmeg in there makes it all the worthwhile. You gain 500 happiness."

Loaf of Bread: One of the few things that amount to real food, eating this will fill your energy to full. You can only eat a loaf a day however, as you need to lay back on the carbs. "You don't know why ate an entire loaf of bread, but you did and feel bloated as ever. At least carbs make you feel a bit more energetic"

Japanese/English Dictionary:...pass

Pack of Trojans: If you are using this and have a lovely person with you (Married), you will enjoy yourself and gain 15k happiness (You can call it op, but the things a ****ing expensive. And that's when they are useless!)

Rotten Eggs: Neither the wiki or global chat can tell me their current purpose, only their original purpose. In the event they actually aren't worth a damn, egging someones house can result in not only a loss in happiness, but also a health hazard which could hospitalize someone for one hour.

Memory Locket: This locket is of a lovely family...if you use it, the thought of someone being this happy in this hell will make you happy...if you're a plant lovely pixie hugging sissy! But we're not, so instead you get pissed that some scum bag gets to be happy and you aren't, break that god damn thing for being so useless...but you feel adrenaline rushing, as you are so pissed you want to find those happy little ****ers and ruin there day, and have 10 added nerve at your disposal...As a side note, You'll need a full day to get pissed off at another more fortunate couple again.

Nodding Turtle: Dude, this turtle will like, nod at anything you say...this is like, radical in every way bro. It's like, this guy actually listens unlike everyone else you have seen bruh. When you use this little dude, you get like, this feeling of coolness. It's like you just got a nice calm from the unhinged world we're stuck in. Translation: When you use the Nodding Turtle, you get some odd amount of happiness (40% chance it will be 5, 35% - 10, 15% - 25, 9% - 50, 1% - 200) (subject to change via critique). The item will be used up as the Turtle can only be useful when Nodding one time.

Deputy Star: Did you ever feel like being the hero Torn City doesn't deserve? Did you ever feel like fighting crime and doing the right thing?...No? Well uh...shit...give me a sec to...get the real ad, Yeah!...Did you ever feel like you've been wronged? Ever think the police are a bunch of stupid ****s who don't even deserve their pay grade? Do you feel like you could do better with your hands stapled to your ass? Well good news, you can get the chance to do that (except the stapling to ass thing...don't do that)! Right now the police department is so desperate for money, they are just handing out deputy stars like DUDE hands out shit threads! If you get one of these bad boys off the market, you can use it to trick officers into thinking you're the "good guy". Skip here if you don't want the fun filler...: When you own a deputy star, you can use it to grantee that the next crime you commit won't be a red crime. Flavor text when used: You order Officers not to show up at you're next crime location. The reason it's a one time use is because you know...they're stupid, but if you order them not to show up at a place you committed a crime at, they are within reason to strip you of you're powers.

Raw Ivory: Now, while this is legal to purchase from the items market, it's also legal to purchase a small nuclear bomb. That being said, police raids do happen in torn if they suspect something (Anyone get caught trying to hack or use a virus?). If you have a Raw Ivory, you can use it on someone and tell police they are carrying an illegal good on them, resulting in a hefty 12 hours jail sentence for their poaching ways (let's be honest, they're gonna get busted in a few minutes anyways).

Vanity Mirror: If you have used this, you know that this does have a purpose and that purpose has something left to be desired...that being said, this should have a secondary category and use. You can use The Vanity Mirror as a temp item in battle where if you use it, it would do the same thing as if you used it on yourself. If you go to your temps menu, you can equip it. If you go to your miscellaneous items menu, you can use it.

The Peg Leg: This too would be both a blessing and a curse item. If someone is in possession of a Peg Leg, they would be subject to speed being lowered by 10% (no foot on the leg, so it's a little harder to move), having a higher crash chance (have you ever tried to use peddles with a peg leg? God help you if you did), losing the power to use the kick ability, missing turns on a 5% chance rate (you were too busy adjusting your leg strap to attack), and having a 3% chance of slipping off of the wall in territories, costing 10 energy instead of 25 because you didn't make it all the way to the top, you just fell down part way. The pros? You get a 15% lower jail sentence because pity, if you have no melee weapon you can attack with your leg which will lower your speed majorly but give your leg weapon a small happiness decrease per hit of 15 happiness (even titans in defense would be hurt there), crimes such as shoplifting, larceny, and selling drugs will be easier because you have a new storage device to put them in, and you get 100 casino tokens per day instead of 75 as they are under the impression that you're really hurt and gonna throw all your cash away, so they insist you waste it all there.

Crazy Straw: This item atm is the useless of useless items. You go to freaking Mexico just to waste your money! So here's the idea: you can use a crazy straw on one of your higher quality beverages (not some freaking beer, that's for hobo Joe to drink from the bottle...) to have a 25% chance to double nerve gains from it.

As you can guess, all of these are subject to change and input. Also, if you have any ideas on other items that can be added be sure to say something below.

Kitchen knife

Well, you have a few choices laid before you beyond the basic get gud shit.

• develop a personality of sorts. Good, bad, whatever but start having fun and acting. Make Yourself into a character like marlondbrando or...well ok there aren't many examples, let alone a good one: but you can be someone.

• go for maximum control. Own the most expensive company type and just bring in profits. Own a factoin and subjugate the masses to your will. People are in your way, but I'm sure you've already dealt with that before.

• start some shit. Not like Dude did, just like...make factions fight, ruin someone's life, send 15 boxes with horse heads in them to random high level players. Be the physical manifestation of chaos and just sit back and watch the fireworks.

• be Santa or some shit. Go around and give people flashy gifts, beat up bullies, invest in the success of others with no desire to get anything out of it.

There are things to do, they're just less goal oriented.

The problem with that is the purpose of the casino: a money sink.

1. Seek people out personally. A ad for dorritoes doesn't immediately make you want them, and they plaster that everywhere. Who the hell even reads the newspaper for jobs anymore? We got phones now ffs.

2. Make sure they're active. Inactive people will bring your company down like a rock would knock a puppy down.

3. Idk, I just felt like I needed a 3rd...

Yeah, but it's going to be brutal. Your first main hurdle would be money, since you only have three legal ways to make money: jobs, bounty hunting, and private trading of some goods. After some time you can trade in stocks, and gamble, but that's more of a money sink...I guess you could beg, but that's more likely to end with you missing teeth.

Then there's leveling up...which will be slow as all hell. Without the ability to use the crimes tab, all exp will be in gym gains and bounty collecting, which inturn means traveling will be much harder to acquire.

You do you, but you will regret it.

There isn't really an end goal. Unlike most mmo games, this one is more of a pick your own adventure game but everyone else is also picking their own adventure and occasionally they will pick your next adventure for you (typically the hospital). Sure you can have your own goals, and the game itself has goals of sorts in the forms of award bars and Duke missions, they aren't at all end goal like.

Just do what you like. Find something to work towards I guess. I'm working toward having a large collection of mirrors.

I just buy mirrors. Everything I do is solely to get more mirrors.

Bleh

All your time

Understandable, have a nice day.

I came here to find memes and it's like every other person is either in an argument, posting political cartoons, or getting salty over a meme that makes fun of stereotypes associated with their party/stance.

Granted. You are able to purchase a private island, but I immediately mug you for all the money.

I wish I knew why I purchased all those vanity mirrors back then and why I feel obligated to keep buying more.

I guess I'll bring back this ragged corpse of a thread.

1. What has changed in the past 5+ years?

2. What are points?

3. Why did I leave myself at lvl 15?

4. What are merits?

5. Why the f**k do I have 89 vanity mirrors?

And...what does having sex do exactly? Happiness or something, or just a neet little thing?

I am indeed basking in the glory of over 1K karma. It's a great feeling really.



no one say anything about the secret VIP gym.

Why not have a "long hunt" button that spends all your current energy so you can avoid it altogether?

I was directing that toward OP. If it was to you, I would have quoted your post (you click the button next to the report button).

Ok, who are you, and why did you get banned?

This idea lacks any meat to it...will kidnap and force feed loads upon loads of details.