This is where I need your help, Torn citizens!
[image: i.pinimg.com] I announced on the last TCN Episode that I’m expecting a baby in March.
Well, I was convinced that my baby daddy was Duke… but apparently he doesn’t agree…
And there might be a few more Torn citizens that could be the father, so I figured I’d do a paternity test to figure out exactly who the baby daddy is… Torn style.
A Pa-TORN-ity test, if you will. (Thanks, Warlock!)
THIS IS NOT THE CONTEST THREAD - THE TASKS HAVE ALREADY ALL BEEN COMPLETED - THIS IS JUST VOTING ON THE WINNERS BASED OFF OF THOSE TASKS! Please do not complete the tasks.
I asked the potential daddy candidates to complete these four tasks that would show who would be the best father to my internal parasite -
Task 1:Share with Torn how we came to make this wonderful bundle of joy. I'm sure everyone would love to hear all of the sexy details of our baby making escapades.
That's all, you ask? Well, there's a bit of a twist. I'm going to need you to leave out these words... you know, just to make sure you don't write anything TOO embarassing...
Words to leave out:
- baby
- sex
- intercourse
- offspring
- father
- mother
- mom
- dad
- reproduce
- reproduction
- birth
- procreate
- penis
- vagina
- f**k
- screw
- make love
- semen
- conception
- infant
- pregnant
- orgasm
- condom
- contraception
(This includes any variation of the words mentioned above.)
And just to make sure you guys get the story right, you do need to include at least 4 of these words:
- Bee
- Pizza
- Penguin
- midget
- hammer
- rectangle
- Christmas
- giraffe
- yogurt
- run
- flip
- groceries
- balloon
- tulip
- champion
- tissue
- coffee grounds
- garbage bag
- crayon
- carrot
- bubble
- ammo
- pineapple
- origami
- salad dressing
Task 2:[image: i.imgur.com]Task two is to send me a push present - even though I haven't actually pushed the little nugget out of my hoo-ha yet... But that's not the point.
Please don't send anything expensive, the point of this task is to be creative - not to impress with your affluence. Send the present with a message as to why you picked that item and then post it on the thread.
Task 3:So obviously whoever I procreated with and I will make the most attractive child on the planet…. Okay, at least the most attractive child in Torn. That shouldn’t be too hard, considering there’s like - what? - one or two kids in the entire city?
Anyway. I want you to either create or find a picture of what our little rugrat will look like - so I can get an idea of what to expect. I’m going to need a little warning if they tyke comes out looking like this:
[image: www.luxand.com]You know? O.O
Task 4:[image: cdn1-www.momtastic.com]Post what our child's First AND Middle name should be - and why you think that should be HIS name. ;)
(I will not be deciding the final winners, I'm going to leave that up to Torn to decided in a new thread once the deadline for Task 4 has passed. So, my advice would be to make it amusing and not necessarily tailored to me!)
The explanation in this task is very important! Make sure you post WHY (with a good reason) we should name our SON the name you are suggesting! [image: i.imgur.com] I need you to decide who the real Torn Daddy of my baby could be from the following possibilities (vote in the poll below - voting ends Nov 29th at 12:01 TCT) :
Task 1:It was a typical day for me, until it wasn’t. The changing of events from the norm to the unnatural was slow. So slow, I had no idea things had veered into the realm of impossible possibilities and unholy holiness. This realm is situated at the crossroads of unlikely likelihoods that allow the most extraordinary events to occur.
It was an innocent venture into carnal decadence, and I had no clue that the recipe for an unholy blessed event was being prepped.
This recipe consisted of one carrot topped vixen running rampant through the mud of a meadow, and one delighted deviant drawn like a bee to honey. I was that deviant, and Kata was my russet vixen of vineal virtue. I felt a longing to join in on the frivolous frolicking she blissfully began.
She was like east to west. I was like north to south. We made an intense impact at a most intimate intersection, that led to a potent possibility of progeny!
Who would have known that cavorting in that muddy meadow would lead me to touch her tulips? Who knew that would lead to wanting to share my powerful puckering pickle with her? We were florists, puckers, and bakers that fateful night.
As artisans of the amazing, the recipe we baked was a bun that would take the form of a beautiful, bundle of joy.
After fervent and frenetic frolicking, we realized what a miraculous moment of madness had transpired. We were one in our kitchen of kindred kinkiness.
We whipped up a recipe and when it was perfectly formed, I reverently placed that blessed bun in Kata’s oven. It rests there peacefully, waiting for the perfect day to present its perfected preciousness to the people of Torn.
--
Task 2:You sent a
Present to
Kata with the message: A disguise to avoid the pap at the hospital, a mirror so you can see that everything went back into place after the blessed event, and candy because.. it's candy! duh!
cant wait to meet our little bundle of joy! <3
--
Task 3: [image: www.luxand.com] [image: www.luxand.com] Baby girl or baby boy, we will have pretty babies!! It's unfortunate that our girl is blessed with so much hair while our boy has so little.. but look at those sweet faces!!! Adorbs!
--
Task 4:First of all, our baby boy needs a grand name... something that tells the world, this kid is no ordinary kid.
Second, my family has a history of having multiple middle names, usually to ensure that both a family member and a saint is honored by the name. I will continue this tradition and that way if our kid decides his first name isn't really what he wants, when he starts high school, he can switch to a middle name that will still hold deep meaning to us.
I want to celebrate our obvious Irish heritage. As white as we both are, that kid has to have a lot of Irish blood.
Normally I'd say Patrick but then that would not fit our need for something that tells the world this boy is awesomely unique.
I also want to celebrate the fierce warrior and leader our child will grow up to be. With his hair and coloring, he has to learn to stand up for himself or he will be bullied.
Next, I need to honor a saint. Since I want our child to travel on the path of righteousness and good I think it is obvious what saint we need to use.
And because our baby is extra and its obvious that if all of his family has three names (before his last name), if we want him to be even more extra than the rest of the family we need on extra extra middle name...this name is all about my teen years and the music I thought was cool...who doesn't love Led Zeppelin?
This is our son's full name. I hope you like it as much as I do! He is going to be legendary at school and in life!!
Without further ado, our son's name:
Finian Ulric Christopher Kashmir YouTube video tzVJPgCn-Z8
This name will ensure he will be one legendary ****!! Just like when he was made!! You know it was that good! Don't deny it!
PS: I'm kind of hoping your last name either starts with and S or an R.
[image: i.imgur.com]Task 1:It was a steamy evening playing Jackbox games on Discord. We had laughed so hard my stomach felt like it had taken a beating from a midget giraffe with a hammer.
Everyone had logged off for the night. Except me. And you, Kata. …And possibly Champion, but who ever pays attention to him?
You know the longing you feel when there’s a fresh pizza (with pineapple of course, you heathens. It’s awesome) just newly arrived at your house and you can’t wait to run over there and tear into that first slice? That same kind of heat was starting to bubble up in the virtual air.
“Kata,” I said.
“Auriel,” you said.
“I have a gold AK” said somebody, I think, but I wasn’t paying attention.
And then before I could even speak further, we had come together like a force of nature. Miles of distance couldn’t prevent this union. Limbs were entwined, like human origami except probably less like a graceful swan and more like a somewhat horny rectangle. But still, super profound.
The passion was so great that the limitations of normal human genetics were transcended. I knew that a piece of your soul and mine had formed a new life. And as we lay there, legs shaky and hair damp against our faces, I could tell that you knew it too.
“I think we should name it Flip Bee Penguin Groceries Balloon Tulip Tissue Coffee Grounds Garbage Bag Crayon Carrot Ammo Salad Dressing,” you said. Or maybe “Christmas Yogurt if it’s a girl.”
“Let’s think it over a bit more,” I said, realizing that perhaps the intensity of our union had damaged your thinking just a little.
So we lay in contented silence. Or mostly silence. As the soft winds around us whispered “I still have a gold AK. Thought you should know.”
--
Task 2:First off, one for the baby...
[image: i.imgur.com] Hat because it's my kid, and comb because it's
our kid and I've seen our hair. That kid is doomed.
And one for Kata...
[image: i.imgur.com]Kitten Plushie and beer - Because you've earned them.
Heavy Duty Padlock - because you're having a kid. And may need to use the bathroom again someday. You know...alone.
Sextant - In acknowledgement of the urges that created this kid in the first place, I got you a sex tent. Why are you looking at me that way? I thought you'd like a sex tent. Why do you keep singing shanties and tying nautical knots?
--
Task 3:Everybody knows you can tell a half-Canadian baby by the toque it's wearing when it's born (full Canadian babies come out riding Moose. ...Just in case that helps make you feel better during labour).
[image: i.imgur.com]Okay, I didn't want to leave our little darling with just the pre-fab photo, so I'm adding this to my entry. For clarity.
[image: i.imgur.com]--
Task 4: Figured I'd just go for efficiency and name him something we're gonna need to be calling out all the time anyway during the toddler years. Hence
Lee Vthecatalone
(I'd like to imagine we wouldn't need to name him Don Tlightthatonfire, but that may be my overly optimistic streak talking)
[image: i.imgur.com] Task 1:It all started at a political conference to ask the new mayor some questions because the last one was killed again. I had my Weazel News press pass and was right next to Kata with her Torn City News press pass. I took one look at the
bubble butt and knew she was the one I wanted to carry in the
groceries for, take out the
garbage bagwhen its full for, and celebrate
Christmas with. I knew it was now or never to take my shot with her, so I looked over and asked her out to
Penguin’s Frozen
Yogurt Shop. She told me she was not allowed back in there anymore because of a misunderstanding with the staff… This should have been my red flag, but she told me I could come over to her place for some
pizza and check out her home office.
While we were waiting outside the press conference to hail a cab down I bought her a
tulip, chocolate, and a
balloon from one of the street vendors. The city seems to be riddled with low level vendors pawning off merchandise these days, but that is why they call that part of town The Resale
Rectangle. Finally, our cab pulled up and to our surprise
Champion was the driver, I never knew he was a
midget! I asked him why he was driving a cab these days, and he told me his stock portfolio was not doing great and Big Al’s
ammo benefits were not that great. He was hoping the extra time in the city would help him find some weapons, but his best find was a
hammer. I am pretty sure he was taking the long way to Kata’s place until a
bee flew out of the tulip and stung him. He kicked us out and we walked a few blocks to her apartment talking about our dreams for the future.
We walked to the front door and the pizza delivery boy was already there, so glad that Perry’s Pies finally got a mobile app. We went into the kitchen and Kata opened up the box… What kind of animal puts
pineapple on a
pizza? Then she started dipping her slices in ranch
salad dressing… I picked my
pineapple off and washed it down with some beer from Bits N’ Bobs. Kata asked me why I was drinking beer and proceeded to pull out some tequila from her last trip to Mexico. I knew the night was only getting better from here shot after shot.
We found ourselves in the living room exchanging tales of our travels. Apparently despite being an environmentalist now she was not always so earth friendly. She got really emotional as she told me the story about how she accidentally shot a
giraffe on her last trip to Africa. Thankfully I had plenty of
tissue on hand from one of my latest press pass events. She tucked herself into my chest as I hugged her and she cried it out. She went on to tell me how she needed a real man that she could talk to about these things, and she was happy I could be there for her.
Next thing I knew she seemed fine, “Grab a
carrot from the fridge and meet me in my office” then she started to
run down the hall. I found the fridge to be full of beer and
carrots, must be one of those new wave diets I thought. I grabbed a
carrot and another bottle of tequila. When I made it to her office it was clear this was going to be a very lucky
carrot… I had never seen anyone so flexible in my life. She looked like an
origami frog the way her legs were wrapped behind her head. She told me, “Write on me like one of your news articles.” I dug through her desk and amongst pens, a
crayon, and empty tequila bottles I finally found a permanent marker.
Let’s just say the news articles I wrote had a great body with quite a few plot twists, talk about an inside story! I have to admit seeing her laying on the floor like a used newspaper awakened something new in me. I could tell she wanted more the way she was presenting herself to me, so I pulled her up and started kissing her. “
Flip me over my desk” she whispered in my ear. I turned her around, and saw her slyly reach for her camera and turn it on. I guess we were in the business of making Erotic DVD’s now… Afterwards we went into the shower and took turns scrubbing each other with some new body scrub. It had a wonderful aroma, and it turns out it was made from recycled
coffee grounds. It must be her secret to how she keeps her skin so soft and supple.
They say smell is the strongest sense tied to memories... Now every morning as I am annotating the newspaper drinking my morning coffee I cannot help but think of Kata and our lovely night together.
--
Task 2:-
Bottle of Tequila - Cheers to many more night together. We know it makes your clothes fall off. 
Camel Plushie - This reminds me of your favorite pair of yoga pants. 
Coat Hanger - Let's not have any more of these "surprises". 
Crazy Straw - Just in case we need to have you suck anything out.... 
Turkey Baster - I read about some new technique with 0% pregnancy risk. I just need to grab some coconut oil. 
Erotic DVD - I had it published with PRN. Everyone should get a good view soon. 
Love Juice - Going to be plenty of this going around... 
Pearl Necklace - This won't be the only pearl necklace I give you. The pull out method works pretty good right? 
Polymorphic Virus - Bound to get a few viruses in this polyamorous relationship.
You sent a Birthday Present to Kata. My "Push Present"
--
Task 3:
[image: i.postimg.cc]
Who would have ever known that cross species babies are cuter than any posted so far.
--
Task 4:
His name will be Theodore Charles.
Named after Ted Kaczynski and Charles Manson.
With parents like us the kid is bound to end up pretty ****ed up, so might as well get them a head start on why they’ll need therapy. I mean what kind of parents name their kids after infamous killers?
[image: i.imgur.com]
Task 1:Kata saw my Mr Torn 2018 entry and PM'd me saying that the image had made her
tulip run with
salad dressing. She also went on about how she used the image as
ammo to
hammer her garbage bag with a
carrot, using a
tissue to wipe away the
yogurt afterwards.
I'd heard about Kata before and how she was the Queen
Bee and
Champion of Torn, so it made sense to make her
Christmas come and give her a slice of my
pizza. She wanted me to wear a
balloon, but I don't like using them so we decided it on a coin
flip. Now there is a
midget growing in her belly, making her look like a
bubbleand waddle like a
penguin.
--
Task 2:Well if this gangster managed to leave his safety on his gun then this would never have happened! Anyway...based on the fact that whenever you are within 100 feet of me you somehow manage to end up naked and on top...I thought these would cum in handy (see what I did there?)
You sent a
Pack of Trojans to
Kata with the message: Why the hell is it always up to the guy to bring along the contraception?! Keep these in your top drawer so next time they are at hand and we can ensure nothing like this ever happens again!!
[image: i.imgur.com]--
Task3: If I used the BabyMaker thingy then this is what comes up...
[image: i.imgur.com]HOWEVER - If I change the colour of hair of my actual little boy from blonde to orange then this is a more accurate image of what our buh-bah is going to look like you he pops out...you lucky girl!
[image: i.imgur.com] --
Task4: Pablo - Being born into a world of crime and destruction, to get anywhere you need a good strong and well respected name. Being named after one of the most notorious criminal masterminds in modern times is just what our little rugrat needs to give him the best chance.
Rambo - If Pablo doesn't cut the mustard, then any kid with "Rambo" in their name is going to 100% grow up bad ass.
Ivan - Just because when the Russians take over the world it means that he can revert to this name to give him a better chance of fitting in.
Colin - Cause obviously apart from having my perfect genes, good looks, winning charisma and modesty, he will also require my name somewhere in there to make him extra special.
K***** - And my last name - which starts with a K. But because of all the personal traits outlined above, I'll not divulge that on here to stop a flood of activity to my IRL social media profiles...you're welcome Mark Zuckerberg!
I can't wait for the little
Pablo
Rambo
Ivan
Colin
K****** to be born...
[image: i.imgur.com]Representation of what our child will become - just ours will be much cuter! There was also another reason why I let you take my dog tag. It is so you can hang it around our sons neck after he is born...what you didn't know is that if you look on the reverse side of it then this is what you'll see (I had it all thought out)[image: i.imgur.com][image: i.imgur.com]Task 1:Wylie looked at the fliped over pineapple in his hands and felt anger.
He walked over to the window and reflected on his scary surroundings. He had always loved how sad chuckie cheese made him with its burnt ball pit of broken dreams. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel anger.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather some
one. It was the figure of Kata . Kata was a quip midget with hammer shoulders and a rectangular thraot.
Wylie gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a bold, lavish, Vodka drinker with ashy elbows and a pasty thraot. His friends saw him as a petite, spongy penguin. Once, he had even helped an itchy chicken cross the road.
But not even a bold person who had once helped an itchy chicken cross the road, was prepared for what Kata had in store today.
The salad dressing teased like loving bee, making Wylie pleasure.
As Wylie stepped outside and Kata came closer, he could see the deadly smile on her face.
Kata glared with all the wrath of 5961 mysterious gentle giraffes. She said, in hushed tones, "I hate you and I want a tiny human."
Wylie looked back, even more pleasure and still fingering the fliped over pineapple. "Kata, i just dont think this is a good idea," he replied.
They looked at each other with lust feelings, like two proud, puny penguin quickly at a very goofy funeral, which had reggae music playing in the background and two odd uncles vastly to the beat.
Wylie regarded Kata's hammer Sholders and rectangular throat. "I feel the same way!" revealed Wylie with a delighted grin.
Kata looked jealously, her emotions blushing like a calm, cloudy cup of coffee with coffee grounds still in it.
Then Kata came inside for a nice shot of Vodka.
im sure you can imagine what happened next... no need to be detailed right, we are all adult heres.. welll im not but whatever.
and thats why im the daddys
--
Task 2: [image: i.imgur.com] Luke 2:11-14 King James Version (KJV)11 For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
12 And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
13 And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
14 Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
ok soooo that being said......
I carefully thought about each item (rolls eyes slightly but not rood) that I sent you!
Ketamine: this is pretty obvious id like to think
Box of Chocolates: everyone likes chocolate, especially post delivery right?
Bottle of Beer: its a bud lite, nine months no beers eek
Kitchen Knife: To cut this creature from your loins, don’t wanna ruin your lady parts
Bunch of Flowers: Bishes luff flowers
The Scripture was me trying to ward off any demons, don't need my kid to be the antichrist, so I either saved us or cursed us....
[image: i.imgur.com]^^^Jsing!!!!^^^ --
Task 3: [image: i.imgur.com]Seems appropriate on multiple levels.
--
Task 4: sooo here's what I'm thinking, it may be a bit selfish but meh. Here goes. So, i used to have this tea cup yorkie right. (don't ask was'nt for me)... and HIS name was Rustle Shaclkeford the III. So the real reason i named a tiny tea cup yorkie Mr. Rustle Shackleford III was because it sounds bad ass and he had a tiny mustache , also the third just adds a twang if you will (feels right coming outta yo mouff.) The thing about this dog was that it died of a diabetic seizure.... so it seems appropriate to name the sweetest baby ever after him, we shall seize every moment with said tiny hooman and stuff and things.. that is all, like i said selfish but sweet¿ OHHHH and i suppose he can have your last name idgaf took the rest of the name sooo i think that at least fair a bit.
P.S. im looking at some baby cloths what do you think? they have to be black, all of them... yeah I know what your going to say already "but black will show all the milk and throw up!" well, to that mam i say THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE METAL.
[image: i.imgur.com]also do you plan on an epidural? if so can i drink some of your blood or maybe eat the placenta... oh actually both, simultaneously... The gods will smile upon Russel Shackleford *insert your last name here* the III
P.s.s. i hope this creeped you out and left you disturbed feeling while reading it, I hear that instills strength to the baby, fortitude if you will!
[image: i.imgur.com]Task 1:I guess it all started when I noticed you liking some of my forums
posts.. I've been on the internet long enough to know immediately..
that means you wanna smash, big time.
Well, never in a million years did I imagine that I'd be slingin
hot love yogurt into Carrot Top and Champions illegitimate
daughter, but this IS the internet, and you ARE an actual female,
so naturally, I was down.
Not wanting to spend actual money to get to you, I whored myself out
at various truck stops,and only had to blow 4 truck drivers to get
across the country and arrive in your town.
I wandered the streets briefly until I came across a flyer advertising
a Tulip Planting Contest, and I knew thats where Id find you. I arrived
just as they were announcing you the winner, and as you wiped your lips
and the crown was placed on your head, our eyes met across the room.
You nodded to a door that said "Stairs" on it, and we both slipped
off and met in the stairwell. I looked at you hungrily and said
"Bobs and Vagene, please bb", but to my utter disappointment, you said
"Its that time of the month, so its gonna have to be Butt Stuff, boo".
I was let down, but I'd come a long way, so I decided to go for it.
I didn't bring condoms, well, because I dont really care about you
as a person, however, when I do butt stuff with strangers, I usually like
to use protection. I luckily spotted a garbage can in the corner and ripped
off part of the garbage bag, wrapped it around my johnson and started
hammering away. The weird noises you were making kinda freaked me out
a little, so it took a while, but I finally finished.
I thought everything was ok, but when I pulled out, the garbage bag was nowhere
to be found! Apparently it had been sucked off of my junk and into
the endless abyss that you call a colon and was gone forever.
This freaked me out big time, of course, but not wanting any accountability or responsibility of any sort,I didn't tell you.
I quickly got dressed and made my way back to the closest truck stop to begin my journey home.
I was never going to bring this up again, but it seems my biggest
fear has come true and I have indeed, put a bun in your oven.. through
the back door :-( I am indeed, the guilty party, Kata, and this will
be proven when our baby is delivered ...from your butt.
My bad, totally, but regardless of what you say or do, I'll never
admit to any of this in court, and it's going to be your word against mine,
so good luck proving it. It's not like you're going to have a letter with
me admitting it or anything.
Oh wait.... shit ..
--
Task 2: You sent a
Coat Hanger to
Kata with the message: For next time ...
--
Task 3: Here he is !! Lets give him a little kiss xoxoxoxo
[image: i.imgur.com] --
Task 4: Well..
Im actually glad this was made part of the comp, because my original plan was to put on my favorite wife-beater, yank that baby right out of your bloated body and bitch slap you, the nurses, the doctors and anyone who stood in my way until I personally scrawled our sons name on his birth certificate.
At first I was like "hmm, maybe I should get some input from Kata, after all, she's taking part in this too, I guess", but then the raging misogynist in me was all like "Screw that, whatever she suggests is gonna be stupid, the kid will thank me later" and my plan to slap the shit out of everyone until I got my way was hatched. It's just how I get things done, ya know?
Let me start by saying that all of this is moot if the kid comes out a Ginger... If that happens, into a burlap sack and down to the river he goes. I certainly dont intend on spending the next 18 years peering into some soulless little day-walkers eyes wondering if hes even alive in there...no friggin way. If it makes you feel better, for the 30-45 minutes that it takes me to get him down to the river, we can just call him something like "Fish Food", because thats what he will be.
However.. If he does carry Daddys strong genes and comes out Normal, then his name choice is obvious..
Mean Mike (my last name) Jr.
The reason why is simple ...because I said so. Plus, since your ginger ass has no soul, ya prolly dont even have a last name either, and if ya do...well, I dont care anyway, because.. misogyny.
If you got a problem with it, I can throw on the ol wife-beater and we can "talk it over", but trust me, you're gonna see things my way .. one way or the other.
Picture of MMJ below :
[image: data.whicdn.com] [image: i.imgur.com]Task 1:It was a warm night,
with an ever so slight breeze.
I looked at Kata,
and asked her to take my virginity.
She looked upon me,
with an ever so slight grin.
When out of nowhere,
she pulled out a penguin.
I didn't know what to think,
I didn't know what to do.
I reached into my pocket,
and found a tissue.
It all happened quickly,
from that point on.
She showed me her tulip,
and I showed her my crayon.
When they first met,
they started messing.
Until all of a sudden,
out came salad dressing.
A few months later,
and I think of that night's breeze.
This all started when I wanted,
to eat her something like groceries.
--
Task 2: You sent a
Birthday Present to
Kata.
I sent it as a birthday present, as it's a present...to celebrate the birth day of our baby.
[image: i.gyazo.com]You sent a
Microwave to
Kata.
I wanted you to relive the moment we knew we were meant for each other, and how the baby was made. I sent you a microwave, so I could send you my eggs to put them in so they can explode. You were ever so kind to capture our first time in this gift:
[image: i.imgur.com][image: profileimages.torn.com] I sent the turkey baster, because last time I asked how Kata wanted her eggs...she said fertilized.
--
Task 3: Through sheer force of will, our baby is cute like us and embraces the love we have for beards.
[image: worldwideinterweb.com] Going to grow up making fun of his dad because of his lack of amazing beard...such a curse i'd live with for this cute baby.
--
Task 4: Keith.
No middle or last name, 'cause our baby is going to grow up to be a rockstar and him not having to shed the middle/last name in his career saves time. And we're all about teaching our future baby practical means to save time!
[image: i.imgur.com] tl;dr
JustJanet, Auriel, Sealion, Proph, Wylie, MeanMike, and Chit are the paternity possibilities for my offspring. Vote below who you think would make the best daddy -
preferably based off of the answers they have given above.
Voting closes November 29th at 12:01 TCT. ---
Please feel free to discuss below why you think the Torn player you voted for should be my daddy... errr... I mean my baby's daddy.Yeah, that's what I meant. 
![[image: cdns.abclocal.go.com]](https://cdns.abclocal.go.com/content/ktrk/images/cms/automation/vod/1757137_1280x720.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com]](https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51q%2BKvMur1L._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: cdn1.edgedatg.com]](https://cdn1.edgedatg.com/aws/v2/abc/TheBachelorette/showimages/1de04f58f560408645da7969ba3f1510/640x180-Q100_1de04f58f560408645da7969ba3f1510.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.pinimg.com]](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a4/fe/d7/a4fed799fd590197f3d97c5a73db72ec.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/7a8vczP.png){kind=link}
![[image: www.luxand.com]](https://www.luxand.com/b/1/media/BabyMaker_1sqfC18e7Fd6ph.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: cdn1-www.momtastic.com]](https://cdn1-www.momtastic.com/assets/uploads/2017/08/baby-names.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/32TbOjE.png){kind=link}
![[image: www.luxand.com]](https://www.luxand.com/b/1/media/BabyMaker_1s6lBMFBwvK2Fh.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: www.luxand.com]](https://www.luxand.com/b/1/media/BabyMaker_1s6Mb535yIkqdo.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/xOjGQja.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/9bmEWOw.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/MyKSUvK.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/oOJkBVp.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.postimg.cc]](https://i.postimg.cc/7ZV2SXgp/slkatababy.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/FUpmL2c.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/zHr47W5.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/WktAj2s.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/AQhWeLR.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/jsTfDC9.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/LJoGpQE.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/huliFw9.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/v2UG81n.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/W4f1pQB.png){kind=link}
![[image: i.imgur.com]](https://i.imgur.com/2017JzB.gif){kind=link}
![[image: data.whicdn.com]](https://data.whicdn.com/images/41449743/large.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: i.gyazo.com]](https://i.gyazo.com/9abbb2b319306db93896547e9a6f988f.png){kind=link}
![[image: profileimages.torn.com]](https://profileimages.torn.com/41184113-2d15-43a8-1990396.gif){kind=link}
![[image: worldwideinterweb.com]](https://worldwideinterweb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/baby-with-goatee.jpg){kind=link}
![[image: cdn-images-1.medium.com]](https://cdn-images-1.medium.com/max/1200/1*67fhiFCYpwMBm8LMDDCoKQ.jpeg){kind=link}