1. Why do you want to be a helper, and what do you believe are the most important responsibilities of a moderator in Torn?
A. I am a domineering control freak who compensates for a lackluster life by maneuvering into positions of power in virtual space. I need to feel important, both for my control issues, and to combat my unacknowledged depression issues. The most important responsibilities of a moderator is to obsessively scour the forums looking for any signs of insurrection and general negativity so I can virtue signal and look like I care. It's very important for people to believe I'm doing a good job while also minimizing the work I actually do, that way when I have a week of severe depression burnout and can't function, it's easier to hide behind a lie thst makes me look good for neglecting my responsibilities.
2. Describe a time you witnessed or were involved in a conflict or rule-breaking in Torn. How did you respond, and what was the outcome?
A. Two powerful players were on opposite sides of a private argument that was (thankfully) shared publicly for everyone to witness. Naturally, I shared my uninvited opinion on the subject without wasting precious time investigating the "facts." Several losers got offended (because they are dumb and probably of [insert currently marginalized group here] persuasion. They started placing bounties on me and I spent the next 4.5 days in the hospital. Obviously, their reaction proved my point and I made a lengthy post with the help of AI to call them out and share the logs. There's currently 12 pages of responses to my post, proving thst people really care about my position. I carry a lot of influence since and since I'm a 30 day veteran, people trust that I know what I'm talking about.
3. If you saw a player toeing the line of the rules or intentionally provoking others without breaking them outright, how would you react?
A. That depends. If I like the player, the player's faction, or the player's allies, I will make a show of support to signal that I am an ally. It's important to have allies who know how to manipulate the system while staying on the rifht side of the line. If, however, the guy is a total tool and I hate him, I'll spend weeks taking screenshots of anything I can use to build a case that this player is a cheater and probably has multiple accounts. It's important to discredit and ruin people like that whenever you discover them, that way they never use their skills against you.
4. What do you believe are the biggest challenges Torn’s staff currently face? How would you help address them?
A. The biggest challenge to the staff right now is stupid players. They complain about all the stuff I like and see no issues with the stuff I hate. The solution is simple: manufacture scenarios whereby these idiots take actions I can then screenshot as justification to fed them. Once they are out of the way and only right thinking people are playing Torn, the staff will have a much easier time advancing our agendas without pushback.
5. What recent change or update in Torn sparked strong reactions from the community? How would you have responded to complaints about it as staff or shared your own dissatisfaction?
A. The community is divided between haters and people I like. The haters complain about everything, so there's way more than one update that's brought them to the forums. When I am in charge, I'll simply flag their complaints as combative hate speech until they go away. This will simplify the whole process of arguing and make the forums a better place.
6. What is your general impression of the Torn community and its culture? How would you contribute to maintaining a positive and fair environment?
A. The Torn community is a wonderful paradise infested with losers. Reminding these losers that they are not welcome here, fedding them as often as possible, and building a cult of personality around right thinking people will force these bad elements out and encourage a more prosperous and positive environment for those of us who belong.
7. How familiar are you with Torn’s rules and enforcement history? Are there any rules you think are frequently misunderstood by players?
A. I totally get the gist of the rules, like don't get caught with multis, keep threats to Discord VC only so there's no actionable log, and haters should be forced out. I know there's other stuff Ched was forced to include for legal reasons or whatever, but no one ever reads those. They just keep the wokies from canceling our game, so whatever. The rule most frequently misunderstood is the rule that says noobs don't belong in the chat rooms or forums. This is evidenced by the number of times veterans have had to place endless bounties on a noob to force them to quit the game. It's an epidemic that the staff can't handle alone, requiring vets to step up and assist. It may be time to sever access completely for accounts under 400 days and 30 levels (except me, obviously) just to ensure these noobs get the hint that they don't belong in my game.
8. If accepted, what would your personal goals as a helper/moderator be? Would you be interested in progressing further in staff, or is this your ideal role?
A. My primary goal is to gain as much prestige as possible for the least amount of actual effort. So I'm totally down to advance. Ideally I would have a paid position where all I have to do is read forums and post warnings when I don't like someone's opinion. Id really like to be paid enough to be entirely self sufficient so I can get my own place and still buy my 20 DPs per day.
9. What device do you primarily use to play Torn? (PC/Mobile?)
A. I play on a modded TI-82 graphing calculator. Everyone knows the app was made for losers who are addicted to their phone. I sometimes use the computer, like when I'm watching porn between hits in RW chaining, but I prefer to sit in the recliner with my calculator most of the time.
10. How would you promote a positive and inclusive environment?
A. Easy. Once we get rid of all the undesirable people as mentioned above, we make sure to advertise only on sites that cater to the right kind of people. When the majority of recruits think like I do, the environment feels a lot more inclusive and positive.
11. Do you have any experience moderating other games, platforms, or communities? If so, which, and what did you learn from it?
A. I have lots of experience as a Totally Rational Online Logical Lifer, meaning I spend the majority of my waking hours logged onto forums where I craft thoughtful posts to correct wrong thinking. As a veteran T.R.O.L.L. I have learned that some people are simply born retarded and cannot ever learn right thinking. It's sad, but true. Therefore the best thing to do for the health of the community is to destroy their credibility and then ban them. This not only removes their cancer, but also provides an example for other wouldbe retards who might sneak in.