How does Torn help you?

We all know it, we all choose mostly not to talk about it but it is there amongst us.. I will come out and give you my story and tell you how I think, I'm 21 years old and I've struggled with really bad depression for many years now. To people that doesn't know how it is to be depressed or why it is such a big deal it's something they will never understand cause its soo hard to explain. You truuly cannot understand depression untill you've suffered from it, even professors have problems understanding it fully. To all of you who doesn't have it or had it I want to try describe it as a cloud of very dark thoughts or just a cloud of bad things that follows you around all day, no matter where you go those bad thoughts follow you around and attack your mind. You can try be active and do other things but as soon as you're vulnerable they will come back to you. For me theese thoughts bring me great pain, when I'm with friends I don't tell them why I suddenly get a really sad look on my face or why I'm not laughing with them because it's kind of embarassing. Some people says time will make it better but for me it is like the more time that passes the bigger this cloud gets and right now it is really bad. I've had thoughts about ending it. When playing Torn it takes my mind of things, it makes me feel better in a sense.. While on Torn I no longer want to die. Torn takes my mind of bad things and let's me take a break from the constant pain, agony and mental torture I go through everyday. Some time ago I made another post where I gave away the information that I have had struggles with opioid addiction and to be quite honest I'm back on it right now. The pressure from family, school and my depression made me relapse, I feel really good right now but also sick. I just want all of this to go away.. Right now Torn works as a meeting place or a location I can go to when it starts feeling really bad, I can release pressure through the forums or just play the game normally to get my mind of things and it helps a lot. I know I am the most hated player on Torn right now and ofcourse I deserve it. I have been trolling people, saying nasty stuff and making people angry all of this using a new persona "SharpMid" I created for myself but to be honest I don't know for how much longer I will be able to take it so I'm coming out here in good time and revealing how it really is and how I really feel. From this day forward I'm not trolling anymore I'm just going to try cope with my depression. This thread is not a cry for karma its the opposite I just wanted to share something about me with all of you that truuly hate me, you are free to continuing downvoting and tell me bad stuff. We could also try bring some discussion: Have you struggled with similar things in life? How does Torn help you cope with em? To be honest I'm really sick and tired of this all, it has gotten to the point where I cannot focus on stuff like reading books anymore because I start thinking about how much I want to die. How much lesser of a human I am, how stupid and disgusting I am how much I deserve to be put in a cage and be struck by angry men for the rest of my life because I'm trash. What am I contributing, nothing I'm so worthless that I cannot bring anything to anything, my current software projects are complete flops, school is going shit because I cannot focus, I have trouble talking to other people now and I can't even smile anymore. I have problems sleeping at night, I wake up in the middle of the night even though I have not been disturbed by anything, I sleep around 2 hours per night cause I cannot fall back to sleep. I don't even want to try anymore to see new people or try to get help because it has failed so far I just want to be sent somewhere else, to another planet where I can wither away. The first thought I get when doing something, we are talking absolutely anything if it is taking a test in school, talking to friends, attacking on torn w/e really the first thought that comes to mind is that I am going to fail. I think its enough of my rambling.. I just want to put this here since I don't know for how long I will be here. Discussion for this thread is: Have you struggled with similar things in life? How does Torn help you cope with em? or just general discussion if you have advice or just want to tell me to kill myself.

Your threads don't help, they just spread cancer...

Torn helps me realize that, as derpy as I can be at be at times, there's always SharpMid to look down upon.

If this is true seek help. Even if it leads no where you must keep trying.

Make it into coherent paragraphs and I might read it.

TR:DR



(too retarded, didn't read)

You have some interesting comments buried in that wall of text. If you edit it properly, my guess is more people will read it and you'll actually get some non-trolling responses.

some paragraphs will be nice

Go see a doctor, and stop wanting an online game to fix your head.

crack kills, torn don't

This is a terrible thread.

Have you ever heard of paragraphs?



And if you're struggling with depression, I would suggest counselling rather than using torn as a vacuum.

Holy ****ing wall of text

the guy is changing... he's rate + everyones comments!

I feel like I know about the world through here. Of course there is false realities like points

but the ideas of casinos, items in market, the stock market someone was telling me earlier

Like this game literally gave me knowledge about how some shit works in real life

Id say from my few days experience that no one is an angel but once again that

replicates reality. I learned shit in torn and I appreciate it hella much.

In the past few days alone I have lost my dog and gotten bronchitis.



In general, I have had to let go of a lot of my own free time to take care of my elderly parents. My mother is suicidal and her wife is getting further into dementia.



What has Torn done for me? It helps keep me distracted from my day. Fills those random times of nothing to do but sit around and wait for them to need something. And a chance to hospitalize someone and relieve some stress.



On a side note, trust, I know a lot of you don't like Marlon, _Dude, SharpMid, etc. and for that fact alone you want to follow them around to throw a quick punchline. But do you really need to throw a punch when the convo is about his own depression?



Personally, I think you need to grow up and realize that a quick zinger is better held for times when it is more appropriate. In other words, there is a time for everything. Hitting a guy while he's down is fckd up. If you think that is ok, I suggest you seek help for your insecurities.

It doesn't, it is literally the bane of my existence. I should be working right now. My girlfriend thinks I love Torn more than her, I always tell her that's ridiculous but then I think about it and I've played this a lot longer than I've known her. Basically, this is like drugs but worse because at least drugs make you feel good. I won't quit though.

mitragynine look it up, it may help you get off the opioids

See a doctor - there are great medications for depression.

Holy wall of text, Batman!

OT, depression is a bitch and I hope you find your way out the other side.