Nothing Else Matters | Reflections

If we're being honest with ourselves, most of us that spend hours at a time online playing Torn would admit that there's something fundamentally wrong in our lives. Many of us pretend otherwise, but down deep we all realize that a normal person doesn't wake up at all hours to take xanax, babysit a chain, or post thoughtless threads describing how "successful" they are at life.

I'm 40 years old, disabled after battling cancer a few years back, and just found out a few days ago that my wife almost had an affair with a co-worker. Didn't actually follow through with it, but a younger man tempted her and she briefly toyed with the idea. So naturally, I wanted to know everything about this guy: - what car he drives, where he lives... because in my world, you don't let someone proposition your wife without causing them a world of hurt. Mama didn't raise a bitch, trust that...

But I'm also not a fool...my wife wouldn't have been tempted had I been paying her more attention. It's easy to get caught up in feeling sorry for yourself, when life gets complicated. Cancer was a bitch, but the gratitude I was supposed to feel having survived it has often been overshadowed by the grief of losing my purpose in life. A man is nothing if he can't support his family, right?

But in the midst of my depression, I had become distant from my wife. I isolated by playing this ridiculous game, and in doing so I was sending her the message that she wasn't as important to me as making a few virtual dollars, or getting a few extra hits in a chain. In her shoes, I probably wouldn't have even tried to be understanding, and I definitely wouldn't have apologized for having been tempted by a young flirt along the way.

Torn isn't to blame, obviously. I started playing because I had too many free hours to kill, but somewhere along the way I started making logging in a priority. I justified all the hours online by telling myself that if I can't work, I can at least be busy....

There's more important things in life than staying busy though. Chief among them, my relationship with my wife. She's known me since I was a dumb kid with a permanent erection, suffered with me through misdiagnoses for years when doctors couldn't find a cause for the abdominal pains and psuodo-PTSD symptoms that we later learned were caused by a fist-sized tumor on my kidney which overworked my adrenal gland...she nursed me back to health after surgery, and is my rock when I panic after a test shows a "suspicious growth" on my remaining kidney.

She is my purpose. She is my life. She's the hope that I thought had been lost...

I won't be around for a few days. I need to love my wife the way I should've been doing all along. I'll probably be back, but if I'm not... just trust that there's a couple of old people somewhere in the world with better shit to do than keep company with you scoundrels. :-)

For discussion: Are you missing out on life by logging in? Are there people in your life who may feel neglected? Or is this game the place you feel most loved and needed?

Errr, it sounds like you just need to log off for a bit. You have some major problems and TORN isn't something that will in any way help that.

When I commit to something I commit fully, I'm all or nothing. I'll probably have a decent 6 month stint on TORN then **** off again. TORN is a game after all, it should be played until it is no longer fun. Waking up to take ****ing xanax doesnt sound fun to me and neither does letting it get between you and your wife..

Peace

I started on Torn to have a distraction at work that I could check on periodically, but wouldn't need to spend large chunks of time on all at once.

For the most part, that's still how I play Torn during the day. There have been times chaining or chatting where I have spent larger chunks of time, and there have been moments where I set timers and put in effort to be around, but overall Torn is just a voluntary distraction for me still.

Good luck with life!

Go live your life brother, enjoy ð

Brave of you to share and reflect upon your own behavior. Don't be too hard on yourself though, you've had a lot of personal pain and stress to escape from, hence the habitual playing of Torn.

Dealing with health issues myself lately, hence my own habitual playing (Global sick of me already, no easy achievement I promise you).

Hope you two work things out and heal what needs to be healed.

KC

Very touching post man. Health scares like that can work 2 ways. They can put everything into perspective and give you a more positive outlook on life and a reason to enjoy the now, or they can fester inside you and manifest as an inner panic everytime you feel a weird pain in your body.

I hope your health issues are behind you and i wish you a long and happy life man.

In answer to your question, I try not to get too wrapped up in torn simply because I can't.

I have 3 kids and an important job that swallows all of my time. I generally play on mobile during breaks or when I need to train. When I get home and the kids are in bed I'll casually look over the forums, chat and do general torn shit.

I always prioritise real life over this game because to do otherwise would cause me to neglect my work or family life.

i'm sorry to hear about your condition mate, hope you get well soon.

as for me my RL friends are the only ones who know that i play this game. they didn't feel isolated nor neglected when i play. i still keep in touch with them even till this day. i hang out with them, talk about stuff in Torn, etc.

my situation may be different than yours because i am a student in college and not taking care of anyone yet, but i know that those who have stuck around with me over the years IRL, they'll be first in my priority list.

Props for sharing, given such a rough situation not an easy thing to do, lots of respect man.

I've personally both had my real life require a lot more of my time and energy (both for good and bad reasons), and I've honestly become a bit bored of Torn. Atm I'm just kinda half-handedly working on my last goals and staying in contact with some friends, but I don't really expect my Torn career to last that long anymore. In the end, real life > Torn, and it's not really healthy to keep going just for the sake of it imo.

Logging off for a while probably sounds like the best idea for you, I hope you'll make the best of your time off :)

Woah thats deep man, you may dislike me but we are all a community here on Torn and i wish you all the best in your life, we all go through tough times i hope it works out for you.

Headstrong always prevails. IRL first my man. This game can provide an outlet, but if you get caught up in it, like anything, it'll be a detriment in the long run.

You sent 25x Xanax to Trader.

It can also provide a sense of satisfaction and enjoyment, especially when something good happens, no matter how many pixels that may be. Life, like Torn, is about people. And as soon as they turn sour, they ain't worth it any more. The gift comes from one of those sour people. Thank Kingstown for his generosity, he puts himself and the game first before IRL, and he's a sad bitter old man. Now you can enjoy the game a little more, for a little less.

Enjoy IRL for a while.

Edit: I am not endorsing Drugs as a solution.

I can't believe I actually agree with you on something, but this response 100%.

This is one of the best forum posts I've seen on torn yet. This truly brought a tear to my eye. I think almost all of us can sympathise in one way or another to this. Trader, you truly are brave, and someone I can look up to as a human, for being able to admit to your own wrongs, and trying to make them right. Reading this has made ME a better person, and I've realized myself that I put Torn ahead of my family sometimes, by giving it more attention then my wife/kids at times.

I hope this post can be an inspiration to others as well, and I Sincerly hope for the best things to come your way Trader. I'll send prayers for you and your family, and I wish you the best of luck in everything you do. Your truly a good man, and it shows in this post.

I agree 100% with ED's post.I'm also an all in or all out guy...and that can be stressful enough even without those "extra" life traumatic things that just...just happen in life.

I'm glad you reached out Trader...that was a big positive step forward.....and willing to bet your post helped others too.

I started while dealing with a spinal cord injury awaiting surgery.

Shortly before surgery, I couldn't sit or do anything really so I was off for about a year or so.

I came back, as I use this as filler between other tasks I have to do online.

As well there are some decent folk here, and this is a game that doesn't require a robust internet connection, nor does being AFK sporadically effect gameplay much. Barely qualifies as a vice.

I have, in the early days, strayed from the Path of Correct Priorities, but managed (with help) to get my bearings back. I applaud your new insight. Good luck.

Take care, bud. All the best.

You've been a good friend to me, one of the few people who understand what it's like to live with debilitating illness and the toll it takes day in and day out. I've always had the upmost respect for you and the way in which you are handling this difficult time in your life just goes to show what kind of man you are, and I truly believe that your decision and efforts will be rewarded as a result of that.

I'll definitely miss you while you're away, and will pray that everything goes well. Be certain that there's at least one socially isolated, immunocompromised Torn addict who anxiously awaits your return bearing good news, and who would feel the loss of your presence here in the community deeply if you ended up not coming back. However if that outcome would improve the quality of your life and relationships, I'd gladly bear that loss for the sake of your happiness my friend.

I'd wish you good luck but I think that would cheapen the fact that this situation has nothing to do with chance, but rather is dependent on your resolve as a man and that you are rising to the occasion. And so I'll just say best wishes, stay strong, I have absolute faith in you and I'll be praying for you.

I don't think Torn itself is the problem, just a sign of a deeper issue you are having now. I think you've already identified that in your depression. Make sure you are talking to a therapist and take care of yourself, and remember Torn isn't real life. There's no shame in even quitting for a while and coming back after a long while - many of us have done that.

Life is all about balance. Wollongong is right - you can get your priorities straight - Torn may or may not be a part of that.

Chat me if you ever need to vent!

My friend had an asthma attack and instead of calling him an ambulance I logged into Torn out of habit

Forum feed said someone quoted me and insulted me so I had to reply and destroy that piece of shit

He died in the process of me replying but the 17 karma was worth it imo

He's probably looking up at me right now and shaking his head as I type this haha, no doubt he's in hell - he told me he didn't wanna play some "shitty text based game" when I tried to refer him